dpc1192 Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 My ex and I started talking again last week.. We saw each other 2 days straight and talked for hours, getting along so well, very much still in love. We decided we need to take things slow in order to work it out. We said we shouldn't text every day, but I'm confused on how to take it slow with someone I know so well.. I'm the man so I was thinking just being "cool", and letting her text me when she wants to talk and just lay low.. Proving I can trust her and don't need to smother her. Advice?!? I love this girl, and would spend my life with her. Still think about her almost every minute, I wanna make this right and be together.
Author dpc1192 Posted February 6, 2013 Author Posted February 6, 2013 Should I just let things play out, assume things are good and focus on the positive?
weee111 Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 Well, why did you guys break up in the first place? It seems like your best course of action is to just pretend you are starting over. Don't smoother her, but don't wait a week for her to break down and contact you either.
TaraMaiden Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 Should I just let things play out, assume things are good and focus on the positive? You know what they say about when people assume.... You have to establish effective communication to discuss what exactly broke the relationship. You both have to own your parts, and you both have to take responsibility, and you both have to work damn hard to modify and repair and make good whatever went wrong. Remember: "Finding" the problem isn't the hard work. Fixing the problem, once you've found it - is when the hard work begins. And you have to both want to work equally hard. you have to both want this relationship to succeed the second time around, to the same level. If you're in it 100% of your 50% - but she's only in at 60%... you can't make up the 40% shortfall on her half. That's not co-operation on both your parts - that's desperation on yours alone. You need to do some straight talking and both accept responsibility for the previous failure. (Note: 'Responsibility' is not the same as 'blame'.) You have to establish that you're both 'in it to win it' to the same degree. because if you're not - then you need to stop. Right here.
Cutiepie1976 Posted February 7, 2013 Posted February 7, 2013 Who broke up with whom? Why? What feedback were you given, if any, during the breakup? Who initiated the reconciliation? Why? How long were you broken up? Who did most of the contacting during the breakup? Who pushed for reconciliation? Who finally agreed? I'm guessing you didn't simultaneously blurt out "Let's not text every day." Who was the "we" exactly in all of this? Who exactly suggested "taking things slow?" How did the ideas of distrust and "smothering" even come about? Was that part of the discussion? What's the history behind those two? What are your ages? Is this your first relationship? You need to provide some insight into the dynamics of your relationship if you want more specific feedback than the general: communication is critical. Good luck!
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