Time to completely indulge my careless side.

[kaylan]

So yesterday I made a new friend. I was at the library in the evening and noticed a woman who drew my attention due to her height and shape. She was doing some work so I didnt say anything. Later she came back in, and she sighed several times....and I asked her why she was sighing so much.

 

Lordy lord. She ends up talking about this guy she likes and how she felt she did something dumb. We ended up talking for 10 minutes, as the library closed, about school, what were doing in life, past relationships, current crushes etc. We then walked in the snow for another 15 minutes and talked some more. We clicked buddy wise. So though I initially wanted to go about trying to date this chick, its cool to make a new buddy when most of our buddies arent local. So we exchanged numbers and are gonna hang.

 

Anyways, I go home and try my hand at this OLD thing again. I wasnt having luck on OKC, so I tried my hand at POF after a long hiatus. Reading most of the womens profiles there is a pain in the azz. No one says anything about themselves, its always 3 sentences long, and the same cliche crap. Its like all of those girls want to skate by on their looks, but whine about not wanting guys who are after sex to contact them. And im thinking "um...If you dont want those kinda guys, give your profile some substance idiot".

 

I just found myself frustrated too, because even the good profiles on OKC, or the few good ones on POF, I dont see to find a girl I reaaaallly click with. Like I was just legit angry at my dating life and dating history last night. Its so goddamn rare that I really click with someone, and it leaves me wondering what the hell Im doing wrong. Either the girls are lame, vapid, and boring...or, in the case of my new friend, they are cool but things dont click.

 

So as Ive said recently, Im thinking I need a new approach to dating that maximizes who I meet, and removes how outcome oriented I am regarding connection.

 

Allow me to try and analyze myelf;

 

I have two sides to who I am when it comes to dating. Theres one side which cares too much what people think, is modest, a little too polite despite being direct, somewhat insecure and needing more self confidence, and a little too empathetic despite sometimes being selfish.

 

Then theres another side of me that can be arrogant, say whatever is on my mind without a filter, be brazen, somewhat conceited, less insecure, more confident, very blunt and to the point, but not without some of my empathetic nature shining through (although with less patience for many people)

 

My former side is in much control of my personality and has greatly driven the car that is my dating history. My latter side has taken the front seat in small spots though. For some reason Ive always felt like I curb much of who I am because Im worried about what other people think or Im trying to be polite. There was a time when my latter side ruled, and that was during my angsty teenage punk years lol. Basically, I think being a bit more care free, outwardly confident (some people call this arrogant), is something I need to do.

 

I just want to take a new approach to my life, and not just dating, while Im still young and see what changes it can bring. No facades and curbing what I feel like saying or doing. Part of the reason I feel I came to this conclusion is I feel sometimes many of us are so fake in person, but here on this forum and on the rest of the web, we can be so much more honest about who we really are.

 

Im very much my former side...but I shouldnt be ashamed that my latter side exists, and I kinda wanna embrace it a lot more for once. Instead of being so damn concerned if a look like a douche to people. Who cares really? I need to be happy, and make things happen. Why hold back? Approach one has left me feeling stifled. Time for approach two.

 

I dunno if all of this makes sense. It does and doesnt make sense to me.

 

PS - Ive been posting a lot more lately...and I need to ween myself off of LS again.

[TigerCub]

I totally get what you're saying about the sides.

 

I was the same way:

 

The real me is someone that isn't easily offended, so I joke like the guys, I am opinionated and will say what's on my mind without a filter, I am confident, although I'm girly, I am into some geeky things...

 

The me I tried to present to the world was nice and polite and reserved..

 

but that **** don't last long. Honestly you just have to embrace the side that instinctively comes out - that's the real you.

 

Don't get me wrong, being nice and polite should always be part of the package, but as for the rest - don't force it. Do what comes to you naturally and you'll attract people who like and appreciate the true you. I did.

[TouchedByViolet]

I like reading your posts. I think the change you are proposing will be helpful (at least initially). Life is about finding what works best for you. In general it is more attractive to be bold, brave, and confident. Having said that a certain level of social intelligence is required to know when and what to say to maximize dating success.

 

The best default stance should be to be yourself and follow what makes you happy.

[ThaWholigan]

Synthesizing the dominant and the dormant attributes we possess is key to finding what we want.

 

I used Astrology for that . You have your Sun - which represents your core essence. Then your Rising - which is the face of that essence, the exterior you present to the world. Then your moon, which reflects your inner life etc.....

 

My challenge was to find my Mars - the planet that represents your get up and go. The masculine planet. That reflects your drive and your sexuality.

[MrCastle]

In other words you have a nice guy-jerk complex. Although your latter doesn't sound that bad to be honest, just bolder.

 

I've dropped all "nice guy" traits I ever possessed. I am fully embracing my ego. I'm doing what I want and saying what I want. I go through life and look at rules as things made for other people but not for me.

 

I cannot lie and say this kind of ridiculous confidence and disregard for my actions hasn't helped me in dating. It absolutely has.

 

I treat others with respect, I don't lie or cheat or anything classically "bad". I just live my life, do and say what I please (so long as it doesn't hurt others) and really don't care what others think or say. I know I'm awesome.