ThaWholigan Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 I find myself finding more of a disconnect between most people and the way feel about dating, and the way I feel personally. I am trying to be more comforting these days - I obviously don't want people to be unhappy. However, sometimes people say some disparaging things about others, especially regarding dating and never seem to have anything remotely positive to say . Both genders. Me on the other hand - I am not really all too bothered. I get on with it, even in my difficult moments, it's not particularly hard. I focus on the rest of my life, and think optimistically. Just some thoughts before the England game comes on. I'm just curious: Am I that much of an outlier? Is it weird or bad to be as positive about dating and other things as I am - even in the face of bad sh*t happening? I love a good wonder 10
Drseussgrrl Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 Nope. I'm always positive. Well - for the most part. I get annoyed sometimes but that's really it. I laugh at how funny dating is, and when things don't go my way, I just chalk it up to "oh well, NEXT" and mosey on my way. My other single girlfriends find it pretty annoying sometimes, because when they're complaining about some dude they're dating I say - "IT'S JUST A DUDE!" 3
Ruby Slippers Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 I think you have a great attitude. I also think the key is to ACCEPT reality, rather than whining about it. Yeah, it sucks that some women and men have the advantage in dating just because of their looks, height, money, whatever. One can wallow around in feeling bad about that, or accept reality and work with what they've got. Most emotional pain comes from wishing things were different than they are, rather than accepting reality and working with it. 7
pbjbear Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 Nope. I'm always positive. Well - for the most part. I get annoyed sometimes but that's really it. I laugh at how funny dating is, and when things don't go my way, I just chalk it up to "oh well, NEXT" and mosey on my way. My other single girlfriends find it pretty annoying sometimes, because when they're complaining about some dude they're dating I say - "IT'S JUST A DUDE!" That has been my new attitude for the last year and a half. The thing is, most friends dont respond to "so what, hes a guy and isnt essential to your happiness" comments haha 1
Imajerk17 Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 (edited) You're all able to take dating in stride? Good for you. I'm working to be that way. Truth be told, I still get down on myself when I make "stupid mistakes"--see my thread below. Anyway it might very well be rare but don't let that discourage you or take you off the path. Whether it is rare or not, it is certainly admirable! Edited February 6, 2013 by Imajerk17
StanMusial Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 Dating is not rocket science. Some of the posts on here are funny, some are long and convoluted justifications for bad behavior. 2
Eternal Sunshine Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 It seems like these days, others are more concerned with me not being in a relationship than I am. I actually have to keep telling them that I am happy being single and relationships are not all there is in life. 3
Content Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 While i do feel for the guys or girls who cant attract the opposite sex at all and are truly good people me myself ive never gotten bitter or angry even during my dry spells. Its probably because im a independent person who enjoys his freedom so being single doesnt really bother me. Theyres some people here who seem to not be able to be alone for long periods and are very codependent and cant be happy by themslves which is why you see some people who come off as maybe more bitter or desperate then others. People really need to be able to be happy with themselves and be ok beign alone if it happens because being desperate and your happiness hinging on being with someone else is not healthy and wont help your chances of finding someone good
Eternal Sunshine Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 While i do feel for the guys or girls who cant attract the opposite sex at all and are truly good people me myself ive never gotten bitter or angry even during my dry spells. Its probably because im a independent person who enjoys his freedom so being single doesnt really bother me. Theyres some people here who seem to not be able to be alone for long periods and are very codependent and cant be happy by themslves which is why you see some people who come off as maybe more bitter or desperate then others. People really need to be able to be happy with themselves and be ok beign alone if it happens because being desperate and your happiness hinging on being with someone else is not healthy and wont help your chances of finding someone good Bolded exactly. Quite a few people prefer being in any relationship rather than being single. They barely take a few weeks break when jumping from one relationship to another. 2
candie13 Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 hi, my name is Candie and I am overthinker (so that you know ) If you ask me, it has to do with a few things: - how stable and grounded you are in your reality: some people have stable jobs, stable friends, family close by, little change around them, that helps them stay more grounded and less susceptible to having their balance affected - your self esteem and how you feel about yourself: men tend to have a strong self esteem, therefore don't look for confirmation out there; even if you do have a strong self esteem, outside factors such as previous unsuccessful dating experiences or professional experiences or emotional experience may shake that and make one more... easy to influenced by out's going on out there - last but not least: whom you're dating; do you have the hots for her or not? if you do, you may be very positive, but you'd be less light hearted; is she an experienced dating partner / player: you may be be positive, but most likely more careful, etc etc So, to resume: the stability of your environment, how you react to it, your self confidence and your past experiences combined to how you feel about your date may affect your... inner strength / stability or positivity. Some women feel better about themselves when they get positive results from the others. Other identify with their date, while other will plain out right start a co-dependent relationship with their partner. It all depends on how you are and how you react to the outside world 3
Anela Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 I find myself finding more of a disconnect between most people and the way feel about dating, and the way I feel personally. I am trying to be more comforting these days - I obviously don't want people to be unhappy. However, sometimes people say some disparaging things about others, especially regarding dating and never seem to have anything remotely positive to say . Both genders. Me on the other hand - I am not really all too bothered. I get on with it, even in my difficult moments, it's not particularly hard. I focus on the rest of my life, and think optimistically. Just some thoughts before the England game comes on. I'm just curious: Am I that much of an outlier? Is it weird or bad to be as positive about dating and other things as I am - even in the face of bad sh*t happening? I love a good wonder No, you aren't weird. I wish I still had that about me, but when I did, I was happier in other areas. Now just about everything sucks, including my attitude. I think my optimism well ran dry.
Content Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 Bolded exactly. Quite a few people prefer being in any relationship rather than being single. They barely take a few weeks break when jumping from one relationship to another. Yep and thats not healthy imo..i wouldnt want to be with somebody whos hapiness hinges on being with me..plus id think to myself is she really into me or is she just desperate to be with ANYONE People need to find hobbies and friends and enjoy life and if a relationship comes look at it as a bonus not the only thing that can bring them happiness. 1
normal person Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 I think you've got a great attitude and I really admire your optimism. Keep in mind a lot more people seem to come on this forum to vent and look for advice rather than to give it. If people are happy with what they've got, they'll tend to take it for granted and not constantly thank whatever deity for it. If they feel shortchanged or confused, you bet they'll be more compelled to express their dissatisfaction to a bunch of strangers. Some people seem really frustrated in the dating world but I personally like appreciate it for all it's ups and downs and lessons. I like meeting new people and hearing what they have to say, what's different about them, etc. It's a fun process but it's certainly not without it's rough patches. If I have a bad experience, I hopefully learn from it and try not to let it happen again. There should be a lesson in every interaction and it's really cool to hear people like you share the lessons you've learned. Maybe it's a bad analogy but I see dating and romance almost like an emotional stock market. You can invest a little bit of yourself and have a similarly small gain or loss. You can also invest a lot of yourself too. You might meet someone great and have a figurative fortune, or you can invest in someone horrible and lose the house (figuratively and literally). Everyone gets burned sometimes so you have to be real careful about investing more than you're comfortable with. I think everyone needs to gain experience and do their research before they bet the farm. ThaWholigan, you're inspiring and I'm sure there are a lot of guys reading who are grateful for your advice. I'm always interested in reading what you post. 2
kaylan Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 Dating is not rocket science. Some of the posts on here are funny, some are long and convoluted justifications for bad behavior. This explains my new thread well. Time to be bad
SJC2008 Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 I find myself finding more of a disconnect between most people and the way feel about dating, and the way I feel personally. I am trying to be more comforting these days - I obviously don't want people to be unhappy. However, sometimes people say some disparaging things about others, especially regarding dating and never seem to have anything remotely positive to say . Both genders. Me on the other hand - I am not really all too bothered. I get on with it, even in my difficult moments, it's not particularly hard. I focus on the rest of my life, and think optimistically. Just some thoughts before the England game comes on. I'm just curious: Am I that much of an outlier? Is it weird or bad to be as positive about dating and other things as I am - even in the face of bad sh*t happening? I love a good wonder The main reason is that you're young IMO. When I was your age it bothered me a little bit that I couldn't seem to get a gf. I thought about it sometimes but it didn't dominate me if you will. I had friends and hand fun and enjoyed life so to speak. It didn't start dominating me until I was 29 so it's been my main focus the last two years. 3
candie13 Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 The main reason is that you're young IMO. When I was your age it bothered me a little bit that I couldn't seem to get a gf. I thought about it sometimes but it didn't dominate me if you will. I had friends and hand fun and enjoyed life so to speak. It didn't start dominating me until I was 29 so it's been my main focus the last two years. question is... why? why at 29? would that be because your friends started to date more seriously, got engaged / married, started making babies and you were the only one single? that would be "the environment" changing and your not coping with it. feeling of inadequacy... maybe even a sensibility to social pressure and need to prove worth for that self esteem to kick in? maybe the fact that for the last 2 years you didn't "perform" quite as well as you mates at finding a girl / your girl/ the sort of girl you are looking for... ? Apologies, SJC2008, I chose to make a few hypothesis which may be completely off track to show how my theory works, I hope you did not mind
somedude81 Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 Think it might have something to do with the autism? You mentioned something before about a disconnect that you feel.
TheGuard13 Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 Eh, I'm kind of the same way. I have problems, but they're just that, problems, not the end of the world. I learned to put things in perspective a long time ago, and its served me well. I don't know some things, but I can learn them, and I'm fairly open-minded about that, and any challenges I might face in a relationship. I rarely stress out or worry about things, and certainly not things beyond my control.
Untouchable_Fire Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 Just some thoughts before the England game comes on. I'm just curious: Am I that much of an outlier? Is it weird or bad to be as positive about dating and other things as I am - even in the face of bad sh*t happening? I love a good wonder I misread your title. I actually clicked on it because I thought you were unaffected by dating whores... not woes. Seriously though... it's good to stay positive. You are for sure not the only one, but it may seem like it because this site is designed for those with problems. I don't really have problems with dating either. 99% of my issues stem from relationships... not getting dates. Usually when I'm single I'm drowning in dates. It made multi-dating really tempting. So, perhaps once you start going farther down the relationship path you will begin to run into more issues. The first couple times you get cheated on... it really hurts. The baggage that comes with an LTR is where you may struggle hardest to stay positive, because you should be much more emotionally engaged. That is where you can get damaged... once you really let someone into your heart.
TheGuard13 Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 That's not neccessarily true. I was cheated on...didn't really care.
candie13 Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 That's not neccessarily true. I was cheated on...didn't really care. liar ! why were you wastin' your time dating that woman anyway ?
Author ThaWholigan Posted February 6, 2013 Author Posted February 6, 2013 Think it might have something to do with the autism? You mentioned something before about a disconnect that you feel. Its possible, but I've met some very emotional autistics in recent years, more empathetic than some people without! May just be the kind of person I am - made to be so.
candie13 Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 some say that relationship bring out unsolved issues from each of the partners... in order to help them grow... people talkin', ya know! 3
TheGuard13 Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 liar ! why were you wastin' your time dating that woman anyway ? I mean, I cared in that "Oh, its good to know it happened, thanks for telling me"...but I wasn't really upset. Because I loved her and I thought we were compatible.
candie13 Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 I mean, I cared in that "Oh, its good to know it happened, thanks for telling me"...but I wasn't really upset. Because I loved her and I thought we were compatible. ooookkkeeeyyyyy, that makes a lot of sense... I would also not be really upset if the man I loved and thought was compatible with me told me he just cheated on me. Hell, I might even ask if it's Christmas in advance ! sorry I asked, mate!
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