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Posted

A few weeks ago I got hit with the flu pretty bad. The one Sunday I could barely move, very very weak, felt horrible. I text my GF in the morning asking, begging her for help, to come be with me. (I don't have any family nearby or else I would have asked them)

 

Her excuses for not helping me were: (1) she doesn't have a car (despite us living in the city, she could easily take a bus over here), (2) she had to go out to breakfast with her friends, and (3) she doesn't want to get sick too.

 

Basically she just said "get some rest".

 

I've been trying to move past this incident but it's just killing me. I do so much for her, take her places, help her out constantly with stuff. Yet the ONE TIME I need her help, she makes excuses.

 

Yet she tells me she loves me and I'm all she ever wants or needs.

 

And this is not a one-time thing, there have been plenty of other times she has failed to do little things for me, but this so far is the first time I've really asked her for something "big". All I wanted was some company while I was sick, is that too much to ask? I would have done the same for her if she begged me to come help her out.

 

Ugh.

Posted

And this is not a one-time thing, there have been plenty of other times she has failed to do little things for me, but this so far is the first time I've really asked her for something "big". All I wanted was some company while I was sick, is that too much to ask? I would have done the same for her if she begged me to come help her out.

 

Ugh.

 

Erm, hello??? You expect her to get sick just so you have some company with your man flu? Is this for real? The rest of us keep our loved ones away when we are sick so we don't inflict it on them and you expect her to catch it just because you are bored? It's not like she can do anything to get the virus out of your system. Jeeeez.

  • Like 1
Posted

 

Find one, sincerely, can you imagine how crappy of a partner she'd be long term with kids, ailing parents or if YOU got cancer/car accident?

One of the biggest reasons people couple is to share burdens/resources for easier survival. If she can't appreciate that something's not quite right upstairs...

 

What, not wanting to get flu equals being evil who wouldn't be around if the OP had cancer or a car accident? What's wrong with you people?

  • Author
Posted
Erm, hello??? You expect her to get sick just so you have some company with your man flu? Is this for real? The rest of us keep our loved ones away when we are sick so we don't inflict it on them and you expect her to catch it just because you are bored? It's not like she can do anything to get the virus out of your system. Jeeeez.

 

Is this response for real? What is the "man flu" exactly? You sound exactly like her! When did I say this was out of boredom? It was because I wanted her to be near me because I LOVE HER and SHE MAKES ME FEEL BETTER... well, until this incident at least. When I'm so weak I can barely get out of bed and have to CRAWL into the kitchen to try to get something to eat, ummmm, yeah, I would expect that someone who calls herself my "girlfriend" would make an effort to help me. Jeez yourself.

Posted

I love my bf and would do anything for him, and alway jump at the chance to take care of him :)

 

However, I do have kids and exposing myself to the flu, which in turn exposes my kids to the flu isnt being a great parent either. Nor is risking getting jyself sick and missing work.

 

I would probably offer to stop by and bring him some food ot see if he needs anything done around the house that he cant get to. But as fat as cuddling him while he sleeps...isnt really effective at getting him better.

 

I think she should do a little effort for you, but also realize she probably doesnt want to get sick, ot just sit and watch you sleep.

  • Like 1
  • Author
Posted

I didn't expect any cuddling or anything, sleeping over, or staying there for an extended period of time. I just really needed some help and I turned to her first.

Posted

yeah she should have at least offered to drop off soup or something! esp since you asked.

Posted

If I had a boyfriend who was sick I would stop by with soup and maybe some medication, or whatever else he needs. I don't care that much about getting sick, but if I were, facemasks are inexpensive at the drugstore, just buy some and put one on.

 

Your girlfriend seems thoughtless. I believe that if you seriously need to explain to someone how to treat you with respect and kindness, then maybe that person just doesn't belong in your life. I don't know, maybe talk to her once and see what happens but don't give out too many chances.

  • Author
Posted

I think she doesn't want to get on the bus or make the effort to come see me. I feel that in her eyes I am not worthy of that effort, even though I routinely go out of my way to do that for her. Last fall something similar happened where my car was at the mechanics overnight and I came home after a LONG day of work (taking public transit everywhere) and I texted her asking for her to come see me because I was tired and really wanted to see her. She started whining about not having $2 for the bus and couldn't even *ask* her roommate for a lift over to my place (about 10 minutes away).

 

She talks up and down about how much she loves me but yet the few times I really need her, she can't be there for me.

Posted
Is this response for real? What is the "man flu" exactly? You sound exactly like her! When did I say this was out of boredom? It was because I wanted her to be near me because I LOVE HER and SHE MAKES ME FEEL BETTER... well, until this incident at least. When I'm so weak I can barely get out of bed and have to CRAWL into the kitchen to try to get something to eat, ummmm, yeah, I would expect that someone who calls herself my "girlfriend" would make an effort to help me. Jeez yourself.

 

You don't have cancer, only the flu! Man up, what's wrong with you? You describe in your earlier post how your joints hurt and how you feel sick and you want her to go through that even though she can't do anything physically to help you through it? Very selfish if you ask me.

  • Like 2
Posted

but if I were, facemasks are inexpensive at the drugstore, just buy some and put one on.

 

facemasks don't provide efficient barrier against viral infections, everyone knows that. The poster has no qualms about making his girlfriend sick just because he can't cope with flu :rolleyes: Seriously...

 

He has enough strength to post here though.

Posted

It's pretty unfair if you genuinely help her every single time she wants anything, but she constantly turns down your requests for help.

 

My advice is, just rest on your own, get better, then after that talk to her about this general unbalanced dynamic. See what she has to say about it, and see if she makes any move to improve.

Posted (edited)

aww, personally, when my boyfriend is sick, I am like " awwww poor boy" and I get into bed and hug him!

 

 

If I had a full time job (I am studying atm) and I could not afford to get sick (it was a very serious job and I would surely get fired for having ANY sick days) even THEN I would AT LEAST be on the phone to him, telling how much I loved him and trying to comfort him!

 

 

 

....Not wanting to get sick is normal, but she did not stay on the phone to offer support, or sound particularly concerned! Men love attention too! They love to be looked after when they are sick!

 

It is SO not cool to be crawling on your hands and knees JUST to go to the toilet or get food, and NOT have any moral support!

 

Man, even if my work did not allow for me to get sick, I would STILL offer him verbal support, over the phone, and I would DROP BY his house to bring shopping to his door!

 

 

.....I only like to get into relationship when both people help the other person out AS MUCH as we can! Including cuddles and lots of " I love you's" over the phone, if it is not possible to be together physically....

 

Personally, I cannot be with a man who I am not like this with.. I NEED a guy who wants me to cuddle and offer him comforting words when he is ill!

Edited by Leigh 87
Posted

Manflu is a term that isn't used in the U.S. much, but it alludes to how, when men get sick, they often act like it's the end of the world and they're dying, whereas women tend to just bear it. :laugh:

 

Were you really SO sick that you were literally crawling on your hands and knees? Because that sounds a little dramatic. If you're really so sick that you need someone to take care of you, you should have gone to the hospital.

 

I would take care of someone I cared about if they were sick, but like me, my family and friends don't want other people to get what they have, so the isolate themselves, much like I do.

  • Like 2
Posted

By the way, is this the same girl who you didn't have much of a connection with besides sex just seven months ago, or someone else?

Posted
facemasks don't provide efficient barrier against viral infections, everyone knows that. The poster has no qualms about making his girlfriend sick just because he can't cope with flu :rolleyes: Seriously...

 

He has enough strength to post here though.

 

Girlfriends aren't supposed to do anything for their boyfriend, everyone knows that. The poster shouldn't expect to get anything back from her just because he can't cope with the idea of giving and giving, in a one-sided relationship :rolleyes: Seriously...

 

He has enough strength to feel upset about it though. How dare he!

Posted

If my partner was sick I’d WANT to be there to take care of them. They wouldn’t have to ask.

 

The fact she doesn’t drive is an excuse. The fact she had breakfast with friends is an excuse and selfish. And the fact she didn’t want to get sick is valid, but…well, if you love someone and are in a relationship with them, this is kind of not a priority. If you get sick, you get sick.

 

I assume she really does love you, but she is selfish in general and maybe underestimates her worth in terms of being able to help and be of use to another person. Maybe she had everything done FOR her growing up (and you mentioned you help her out a lot as well), so she may just assume nobody really needs her to do anything for them, even if they ask. Just a thought. It’s still selfish though.

  • Like 1
Posted

Yes, men tend to be big sucks when they get sick, but I still think the gf should have helped him out. When you're living with a husband and kids you're around germs all the time. What do you do, leave them all and stay with your friends so you don't get sick? If you care for someone, you also take care of them.

Posted
What do you do, leave them all and stay with your friends so you don't get sick? If you care for someone, you also take care of them.

 

Wouldn't it be smarter not to expose yourself and be exposed to it when it's not necessary? When you live with someone you can't avoid it. Does this mean you should go through it when it can be avoided?

Posted
Girlfriends aren't supposed to do anything for their boyfriend, everyone knows that. The poster shouldn't expect to get anything back from her just because he can't cope with the idea of giving and giving, in a one-sided relationship :rolleyes: Seriously...

 

He has enough strength to feel upset about it though. How dare he!

 

This is all very silly. Mark of an adult is to be able to cope with minor ailments without bringing in the army in, surely? It's flu. Not cancer. Not a stroke. Not a broken arm. Not a broken leg. Not a car accident. FLU.

 

If the OP is in a one-sided relationship, he should end it if it can't be worked out. Kinda hard to tell how much of a martyr he is though based on this thread.

  • Like 1
Posted
Sorry your gf is selfish...

 

Time to sit down and explain how compassion and acts of service are central to the long term success of a relationship.

 

If she doesn't improve there are plenty of women out there who aren't that way.

 

Find one, sincerely, can you imagine how crappy of a partner she'd be long term with kids, ailing parents or if YOU got cancer/car accident?

 

One of the biggest reasons people couple is to share burdens/resources for easier survival. If she can't appreciate that something's not quite right upstairs...

I soooo agree with you and I was in this guys shoes ..I went threw three surgeries and some major stuff my with was barely ever there to console me this hurt deep .

Posted
Yes, men tend to be big sucks when they get sick, but I still think the gf should have helped him out. When you're living with a husband and kids you're around germs all the time. What do you do, leave them all and stay with your friends so you don't get sick? If you care for someone, you also take care of them.

 

Yes, I would take care of my husband and kids or anyone I was living with. Or my mom or grandma or a member of my family.

 

Not some dude who seven months ago couldn't feel a connection with me beyond sexual.

Posted
Yes, I would take care of my husband and kids or anyone I was living with. Or my mom or grandma or a member of my family.

 

Not some dude who seven months ago couldn't feel a connection with me beyond sexual.

 

Haha ok maybe I missed something here :p

 

But if you are in a caring relationship you look after each other, whether or not you live together.

Posted

Take the sick part out of it. He longed for.her company and she made excuses not to.come... and that's not cool...

 

 

This reminds me of the time I got food poisoning and I had to wake up a dozen times a night to throw up. Girlfriend started yelling at me because "I kept waking her up" when sprinting out of bed to the bathroom. Because her getting sleep was Mich more important to her than her boyfriend puking all night.

Posted
Take the sick part out of it. He longed for.her company and she made excuses not to.come... and that's not cool...

 

 

This reminds me of the time I got food poisoning and I had to wake up a dozen times a night to throw up. Girlfriend started yelling at me because "I kept waking her up" when sprinting out of bed to the bathroom. Because her getting sleep was Mich more important to her than her boyfriend puking all night.

 

OK, let's take the sick part out of it. He longed for her company. She already had plans with her friends.

 

People are allowed to live their lives.

 

I remember a night when I was puking every couple of hours. I kept away from my boyfriend so I wouldn't bother him with it.

 

What would this guy do if he didn't have a girlfriend? Oh, that's right...he'd have to take care of himself anyway.

 

It's just part of being an adult. If you're really sick with something that's highly contagious, keep it to yourself. If you honestly can't look after yourself, go to the hospital.

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