people are getting sick of me talking about the same thing

[calgary]

seriously there's only so many times I can ask for advice.. tell them I've heard this.. has anybody heard that..

 

my friends tell me to get drunk with them and all I do is talk about my ex and what if she's out and has anybody heard anything ?

 

we had a family get together the other weekend.. and I just sat staring at the floor really pale and sad whilst everybody was laughing..

 

I can't pull myself together.. I am making mistakes at work, i'm struggling with classes. I can't even play video games without getting upset.

 

we broke up a month ago. I just want what I had and I cant have it anymore and I can't move on, i'm in limbo and i'm starting to depress everyone around me, nobody wants to invite me out.. everybody dreads my phone call..

 

I just can't be a man and snap out of it! I've lost 14 pounds, i'm not sleeping.

 

I've started going to the gym, taking my dog for longer walks. getting into music.. tried hanging out with friends.. taking care of elderly family.

 

making future holiday plans with friends.

 

but all the time i'm just trying to keep myself busy and it's not working at all.

 

everytime I see my ex I tell her i'm fine. if she texts or calls I act optimistic and cheery.. she's really depressed about other things in her life.. but i'm really depressed that she's no long apart of mine.

 

we're going for dinner next week.. I really like to plan stuff ahead because I get a little more excited and optimistic and start singing again and depressing everyone around me even though I have no hopes of turning this around, it just makes me a little bit more cheerful/ tolerable to be around for people who care about me.

 

I feel really bad on the people that care about me.. I offered to go for a walk with my sister and she made me promise not to talk about my ex today.

 

im supposed to see my ex tonight to get some stuff from her that she has of mine.. but I think i'll bail I can't bare to see her right now. no contact just makes me go insane.

 

she's done all the chasing so far.... for friendship. she doesn't want to lose me completely but I told her it's for the best.

[meeji]

Why are you trying to be friends with her if you feel this way? Its not doing much for you ....

[calgary]

Why are you trying to be friends with her if you feel this way? Its not doing much for you ....

it's not doing much for me except getting my hopes up... which in the long run will prolong this and devastate me even more.. but it gives me a bit of a boost knowing i'll see her again and it helps me remain a little bit more cheerful infront of friends and family for a short period.. I feel like it's a cheap way out of feeling immediate depression and in the long run it'll only hurt me more.

[LeliiMarie612]

I think that it's great you didn't see her, but it's not great that you're trying to make a friendship and talk to each other. Just the thought of her makes you depressed, and you know that talking to her will only bring temporary ecstasy, but then later will cause pain because talking to her brings back thoughts and memories of her. And talking to her will only make it worse. NC is a great pain, especially since you have a lot of feelings for her, but think about it, do you feel good now? Your extremely depressed, and the only way you're going to feel at least a little better is if you stop talking to her for a while. It is going to be very difficult at first, I can't lie, but as time passes it will become much easier. Really though, maintaing a friendship with someone you still have feelings for is a horrible idea especially if you miss them to a point where you're depressed, and that's why NC is highly recommended.

You should really do things to keep you distracted. That's the only way that you will be able to think of her less. You should do whatever makes you as a person happy, so you can feel less depressed. These things should also help you have something else to talk about with people, so they won't be so annoyed to her you talk about your ex all the time. Believe me, I was in the very same position when I lost my first ex, but it does get better.

[mammasita]

You're right, you're only prolonging the inevitable by remaining friends. It's IMPOSSIBLE to be someone’s platonic friend when you are in love with them. It's painful.

 

Work on loving yourself more than you love her or the idea of her. I'm doing the same and it helps immensely.

[calgary]

I think that it's great you didn't see her, but it's not great that you're trying to make a friendship and talk to each other. Just the thought of her makes you depressed, and you know that talking to her will only bring temporary ecstasy, but then later will cause pain because talking to her brings back thoughts and memories of her. And talking to her will only make it worse. NC is a great pain, especially since you have a lot of feelings for her, but think about it, do you feel good now? Your extremely depressed, and the only way you're going to feel at least a little better is if you stop talking to her for a while. It is going to be very difficult at first, I can't lie, but as time passes it will become much easier. Really though, maintaing a friendship with someone you still have feelings for is a horrible idea especially if you miss them to a point where you're depressed, and that's why NC is highly recommended.

You should really do things to keep you distracted. That's the only way that you will be able to think of her less. You should do whatever makes you as a person happy, so you can feel less depressed. These things should also help you have something else to talk about with people, so they won't be so annoyed to her you talk about your ex all the time. Believe me, I was in the very same position when I lost my first ex, but it does get better.

she came over to my friends anyway.. she stepped out for a smoke so I went out with her to get 5 mins alone.. she is going through a really bad depressing stage she does it every couple of years apparently.. I've heard people like this push people close to them away. But she promised me she wouldn't do anything stupid ( she's self harmed in the past ) I feel like it's difficult enough to go through a break up without worrying about the person you love harming themselves I just flat out don't know what to do... i can't allow myself to walk away from her knowing she's depressed and in danger.. it's just not in my nature... but at the same time i'm depressed and only going to get worse. is it wrong to hope that maybe if i show her that i care and keep meeting her every other week.. small talk texts every now and then.. text her if she's in town etc.. that i could stand a chance at gradually getting her back ? or would i forever be in the friend zone ?

[RogerWallace111]

You're right, you're only prolonging the inevitable by remaining friends. It's IMPOSSIBLE to be someone’s platonic friend when you are in love with them. It's painful.

 

Work on loving yourself more than you love her or the idea of her. I'm doing the same and it helps immensely.

 

this.... ^

[TaraMaiden]

it's not doing much for me except getting my hopes up... which in the long run will prolong this and devastate me even more.. but it gives me a bit of a boost knowing i'll see her again and it helps me remain a little bit more cheerful infront of friends and family for a short period.. I feel like it's a cheap way out of feeling immediate depression and in the long run it'll only hurt me more.

 

Ever taken a hard drug?

Apparently, the rush is amazing, but the more you have fixes, the worse the fall-down afterwards....

 

Sorry Calgary, but you're your own worst enemy and right now, you're simply perpetuating your own misery. If you're hurting, it's you, hurting you.

 

I'm not going to tell you what to do - because you already know.

And you know about my signature.

And you know about breadcrumbs.

And you know about being Friend-zoned.

 

So I'm not going to mention any of that.

[calgary]

Ever taken a hard drug?

Apparently, the rush is amazing, but the more you have fixes, the worse the fall-down afterwards....

 

Sorry Calgary, but you're your own worst enemy and right now, you're simply perpetuating your own misery. If you're hurting, it's you, hurting you.

 

I'm not going to tell you what to do - because you already know.

And you know about my signature.

And you know about breadcrumbs.

And you know about being Friend-zoned.

 

So I'm not going to mention any of that.

thank you for looking after me taramaiden

I appreciate your help. I suppose you're just telling me the hard truth that I just don't want to hear.. I want the happy ending with the girl I love rather than the happy ending where i'm happy alone and i'm not sure anybody on this site knows how to get couples back together... it seems more so that this website is more about helping people recover after a break up . I don't think I have had proper closure from this or truth and maybe that will help me recover if I go for coffee next week.

[AKisBaked]

I dont think you should even be meeting her for dinner if your a total wreck.. If you cant even get yourself together do you really think by seeing her or getting dinner with her will make you feel better? I would think it will make you feel even worse... You will subconsciously feel better but in your mind and heart your going keep dreading those memories of you and her.

 

Why do you want to keep torturing yourself by seeing her? Your not giving yourself any space or chance of getting better. You really need to stop doing what your doing and get a grip. The more you do this, your just relapsing yourself again and again and hoping that she will take you back. And what your saying such as she is doing all the chasing but you want to tell her its best that its the best if she loses you, but you want her back? How does that even make sense?

 

Buddy if you really want her then give 200% effort in trying to get her back because if you dont and she finds some other person then you lost your chance in even trying. Also why you misleading her? If you have such strong feelings for her but you dont think she's good enough for you?

 

Sorry to sound harsh but I feel like you either need to step up your game in trying to get her back and stop trying to get people to feel sorry for you. If you want her badly you should have a drive to get her and do whatever you can do to prove to her that your the one for her. Tough love from me I know, but I think you can do it.

[TaraMaiden]

I have a reputation for being a real hard-ball case.

 

I'm such a bitch, I fire off with both barrels, let people have it, smack 'em upside de head, tell it like it is, take no prisoners, shoot from the hip....

 

Have i left anything out...?

 

Oh yeah, "Queen of Mean" apparently.

 

Well, I weep.

I swear to you, genuinely, I weep.

 

I read the posts from people like you, and Couldntbemoreupset, and Lone, and HurtingHeart, and Jammo22, and too many others like you, and believe me, I feel for you, more than you could ever possibly imagine, across this faceless and emotionless medium of connection....

 

I wonder, Why the hell can't people find happiness?

What the hell is it with all these break-ups?

And honestly, it seems to be a prevalence of men, having their hearts torn to shreds....

What is happening to women?

Are we becoming so hardened and so self-protective that we mow those we love, down with a single sweep of our disdainful 'talk to the hand'...?

What have we become?

 

I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry I cannot offer more hope, but I've seen it all, here, and I know that reconciliation is a rare and precious item... something almost unheard of....

 

I don't enjoy being the person with the reputation of tearing down the fragile glass-like little orb of hope that you all have in your hearts.

I don't like this reputation I have - though Goodness knows, I deserve it - because people must think I'm the kind of woman who eats steel bolts for breakfast.

 

But if it's only to protect you from yourselves, and harden you up a bit, for facing the world, hell, I'll do it.

 

I want you to have the happy ending. Honestly, I do.

I want EVERYONE to have the happy ending.

 

But the only way to have a happy ending, is to be happy. And sadly, that means you got to cross the broken glass in bare feet, and heal yourselves.

[calgary]

I dont think you should even be meeting her for dinner if your a total wreck.. If you cant even get yourself together do you really think by seeing her or getting dinner with her will make you feel better? I would think it will make you feel even worse... You will subconsciously feel better but in your mind and heart your going keep dreading those memories of you and her.

 

Why do you want to keep torturing yourself by seeing her? Your not giving yourself any space or chance of getting better. You really need to stop doing what your doing and get a grip. The more you do this, your just relapsing yourself again and again and hoping that she will take you back. And what your saying such as she is doing all the chasing but you want to tell her its best that its the best if she loses you, but you want her back? How does that even make sense?

 

Buddy if you really want her then give 200% effort in trying to get her back because if you dont and she finds some other person then you lost your chance in even trying. Also why you misleading her? If you have such strong feelings for her but you dont think she's good enough for you?

 

Sorry to sound harsh but I feel like you either need to step up your game in trying to get her back and stop trying to get people to feel sorry for you. If you want her badly you should have a drive to get her and do whatever you can do to prove to her that your the one for her. Tough love from me I know, but I think you can do it.

hey it's weird! i'm a wreck.. but when I know i'm going to see her I get a little excited.. I shake a little bit because i'm nervous I think it shows that i'm scared of messing up but im still usually happy to be with her! so she has no idea how I really feel.. I try to be strong infront of her and pretend like i'm getting on fine. too often I read people say begging and crying and constantly calling/ texting will only push her further away.. so I did the no contact and she did come back and explain her situation to me.

she's chasing for a friendship and it'll break my heart. she's more than happy to spend time with me and to me going for dinner with a girl isn't something i'd generally do with a friend that's a girl ( I don't know about everybody else? )

 

I just feel like if every time I see her, I try to act positive and optimistic and make her happy then we'll have a good time rather than like you said it being a bad depressing time together that is awkward.

 

I gave it 3 weeks of no contact like I said.. but it didn't help I missed her so much all it did was make her get back in touch! I wanted to make her realize what if would be like without me..

I appreciate the tough talk though! i'll give it all I've got i'll give 200%

 

I just don't want to irritate her or push her or annoy her ! I was trying to take it slow in hopes that maybe I could slowly build it back up and start a new relationship with her rather than going back into what it was!

 

thank you though

[TaraMaiden]

The problem is, you're lying to her.

And it makes her behaviour 'worse'.

 

She believes you're OK.

She believes you're well on the way to getting over it.

She believes you're cheerful.

She believes you can handle it, and that you've coped, well, remarkably really rather well, actually....

 

So she relaxes, and gets comfortable with seeing you, chatting with you, sharing stuff with you... and one day, she'll grab you excitedly by the arm, give it a little shake, and reveal, with smile that beams from ear to ear...

 

"OMG!! Guess what - ?! I've met this really nice, gorgeous guy!"

 

And you, the 'liar' that you are, will reply "Oh but that's just great! Good for you!"

 

You'll have to.

 

Why?

 

Because you're OK.

Because you're well on the way to getting over it.

Because you're cheerful.

Because you can handle it, and that you've coped, well, remarkably really rather well, actually....

 

and you'll walk away, screaming inside at the pain, your heart shattered in tiny shards, and in fragments, all over again.

 

THIS - is why No Contact is vital for you to heal.

[calgary]

The problem is, you're lying to her.

And it makes her behaviour 'worse'.

 

She believes you're OK.

She believes you're well on the way to getting over it.

She believes you're cheerful.

She believes you can handle it, and that you've coped, well, remarkably really rather well, actually....

 

So she relaxes, and gets comfortable with seeing you, chatting with you, sharing stuff with you... and one day, she'll grab you excitedly by the arm, give it a little shake, and reveal, with smile that beams from ear to ear...

 

"OMG!! Guess what - ?! I've met this really nice, gorgeous guy!"

 

And you, the 'liar' that you are, will reply "Oh but that's just great! Good for you!"

 

You'll have to.

 

Why?

 

Because you're OK.

Because you're well on the way to getting over it.

Because you're cheerful.

Because you can handle it, and that you've coped, well, remarkably really rather well, actually....

 

and you'll walk away, screaming inside at the pain, your heart shattered in tiny shards, and in fragments, all over again.

 

THIS - is why No Contact is vital for you to heal.

or do I go tell her my honest feelings, how I really feel? you've read all my threads maybe I should talk to her about everything I've talked about on here! she knows I still want her because I tried to kiss her whilst I was drunk last week remember ( so embarrassing ! ) I've made it clear I wont be her friend. i have an opportunity to meet her and i feel like i should take it or i'll regret it until the day i die. i just don't know how to play it ! obviously i want her back. i'll leave her a couple of days and get in touch and then ask her to meet me. give me some solid advice on how you would play it to get her back and if it doesn't work i'll listen to you and go no contact!

[TaraMaiden]

Shhhhh....Can you hear that.....??

 

Listen........

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

That's the sound of me beating my head against the wall.

[Sugarkane]

I still like you and totally agree with you Tara Maiden!

[TaraMaiden]

*Sigh* Thank you sweetheart.......

[Addison312]

Calgary, it really sounds like you are using her "depression" as an excuse to validate yourself for choosing to see her/talk to her.

[calgary]

I caved and called her, spoke to her for 4 minutes don't hate me i'm a fool.. something big happened for her today so I just called her up and congratulated her whilst I walked my dog in the woods. she asked me how my night out was on Wednesday and what I got upto.. she told me she was going out tonight and that she'd text me and let me know next week when she's available for food/coffee. i'm an idiot. I had a dream about her last night and it made me feel like I broke no contact anyway. it was awful waking up alone today. I felt at my lowest in the shower. I felt like that was rock bottom. i'm going out for a meal tonight with my family hopefully keep my mind off her.. but in the back of my mind I know she's out partying tonight and my friends haven't asked me if i'm out because i'm really depressing to hang out with. this is taking over me, I've lost my soul and I can't make myself happy. i'm concerned about her well being.. she's making drastic choices and it's none of my concern I just need to remember she's just the shell of my old girlfriend but a new person now.. i'll never have that girl back again . I've dealt with too much loss in the last year and I always vented with her and she cheered me up. now i'm trying to deal with things on my own.. all my friends are tough guys they just laugh at me and pass me a beer and xbox controller. its really depressing just 'keeping busy'.. I didn't just lose my girlfriend I lost her lifestyle that I loved too, I preferred most of her friends to mine, I preferred the places we went than where my friends go. I feel like I lost far more than a girlfriend, I lost a way of life that I was really enjoying. moving on is so difficult with your hearts not in it you're just doing it to keep busy.