confused836 Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 About six months ago I went on a date with this girl and we clicked immediately. She talked about long term with me and a bunch of other future plans and said she couldn't have found a better guy. She even told her mom and sister about me as well as all of her friends. Well after that date she texted me a few days later saying her ex is back in the picture and proceeded to date him. I was upset even though it was one date because we connected so well. About a month ago she reached out to me and messaged me out of the blue. I wasn't sure even going to respond but curiosity got the best of me and I did. Eventually she told me she made a big mistake in the summer and would love another date. Again the future plans came out and she told her friends about me and her mom about me. I wanted to take this slow because I didn't trust her just yet and got to know her for 2 weeks first before taking her out. Our first date went really well - she told me during it that her friends want to double date withus and how she wants to take me to her grad school ball. Over the course of the week I saw her 3 more times and one night I went up to her apartment and we started making out. She was holding back but told me that in all her relationships she moves quickly physically and wants to take it slow with me because she really really likes me and im the first guy she has dated who she can take home to her mom. She initiated all the texts and said she's freaking out over how well we click etc. Well fast forward 2 days later and she calls me and says she can't be committed over a relationship now because she just learned how to be single and how all of this is stressing her out. She claimed she isn't ready and that she doesn't believe in soul mates and doesn't want to be forced to date me etc. Upon pressing her a bit she got mad and said that the honest truth is she doesn't feel a physical connection with me and isn't physicslly attracted to me despite telling me she is multiple times. She said she has no inclination to hook up with me. I'm confused and sad I mean despite all that she said does she really feel this way about me? How could she get my hopes up about the future and then change her mind?
Author confused836 Posted February 6, 2013 Author Posted February 6, 2013 She also said this whole thing was moving too fast too seriously but the truth is it was all on her as she initiated most dates and telling other people and putting labels on us..
meeji Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 maybe she is looking for some sort of excuse to cut you off because she can actually see a future with you and it scares her. Maybe she doesn't know what she wants. Maybe there is someone else in the picture suddenly. who knows. Just listen to what she says. If she says she doesn't want to see you regardless of the reason, all you can do is back off. That sucks. Sorry
geegirl Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 She couldn't get over the ex and used you as a crutch to try and get over him. Then when the ex came back into the picture, she went back to him. When it went bust again, she ran back to you to fill that void. You were in her life for all HER wrong reasons. No fault of your own but just that she was clinging on to you in hopes of believing that she could maybe "learn to love you/be in a relationship" and I am sorry that it sounds harsh. 1
Author confused836 Posted February 6, 2013 Author Posted February 6, 2013 The problem is that she told me she is looking for a committed guy and that all of her past relationships were closer to friends with benefits than anything else. So now that she found me and knows I am committed I have no idea what she is thinking. Unless of course she doesn't find me attractive anymore or maybe I didn't make a good impression on her friends. Regardless I have an urge to want to talk to her badly although I know she is stubborn and won't respond if i try.
geegirl Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 The problem is that she told me she is looking for a committed guy and that all of her past relationships were closer to friends with benefits than anything else. Bingo. She has probably dated a**holes. Then you come along. You have the qualities she wants but the peg doesn't quite fit the hole. But she tries to hold on because she knows it is a good thing, she wants those qualities but what is lacking is that attraction. So she goes back and forth. Along with not being over her ex, there's so much going against what you believe you have with her. Leave her alone. You won't be able to change her mind. And she's not emotionally healthy to have any sort of relationship with any man, seeing that she was done with her ex only a month ago. And it's clear there are lingering feelings still there. In her state of mind, even if a good thing smacked her in the face, she would not be able to recognize it or even know what to do with it.
Author confused836 Posted February 6, 2013 Author Posted February 6, 2013 Ok I guess I have no choice but to do so but why would she say all those things about the future with me then? I mean I don't just tell any girl that my mom will love her and my friends all want to meet her and how we will make things work over the summer and next year and whatnot.. Its like being teased with a glimpse into how things can be so good and I have to now return to my monotonous life that is filled with school the majority of the time.. I think you are right - after I made out with her that's when she ignored me for a few days but I was ok with it since we still had plans to meet at night. She apparently was freaking out but like you said I guess she freaked out over how I fit a lot of qualities she wants but there isn't attraction. I just hate that I finally was at a point where I was happy and over my previous ex and didn't mind being single and now she comes in and ruins all of that
geegirl Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 Confused, people say all sorts of things, sometimes in hopes of wanting to believe it and sometimes it's because they truly believe it at that moment. I believe that in her mind, meeting a great guy was hard to let go and talked herself into believing that it could work. The thing is, if you truly were that guy, 1) she would not have gone back to the ex 2) she would not have let you go, not once but twice. Action, not words. When she bailed the first time and ran back to an ex, you should have shut that door. 1
Author confused836 Posted February 6, 2013 Author Posted February 6, 2013 What you say makes sense it's just hard to accept. I guess I personally wouldn't lead on a girl and I have a hard time accepting that she would do this considering this was the second time she came around too
geegirl Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 What you say makes sense it's just hard to accept. I guess I personally wouldn't lead on a girl and I have a hard time accepting that she would do this considering this was the second time she came around too One rule in life. Don't project your moral standards and codes on other people. It does not work that way. She came around because you were a crutch. The first time, she hoped you could be what she wanted and hopefully someone that could make her forget her ex. But ex came around. She went back. When she reached out the second time, she was again looking for a crutch.
Author confused836 Posted February 6, 2013 Author Posted February 6, 2013 It just sucks how I was teased with all this.. Man I can't get her out of my head
Chi townD Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 She's a commitment phobe. Geegirl is right. She probably dates *********s because she isn't emotionally attached to them. They get what they want from her; she gets what she wants from them and nothing more. Therefore, she's attracted to the "bad boys" because subsconiously, they're disposable. She thinks she's getting sick of dating douche rockets and tries to date outside her norm. She is so far gone that she has a hard time connecting to a guy that treats her right, to connect to a guy she actually respects. And it doesn't feel right to her because she's used to being treated like dirt. She's used to being used. And she's used to taking what she wants without consquence. Sorry dude. But, this is her hang up. Not your fault. But, you can take solace in knowing that one day, she's going to snap into reality and realize that she let a good guy go because she didn't love and respect HERSELF enough.
Author confused836 Posted February 6, 2013 Author Posted February 6, 2013 Do you think her whole "i'm not physically attracted to you" thing is bs? I have a hard time believing that given what other girls have told me and what she told me as well. Its funny she and I are the same race and yet she told me she didn't find anyone of our race attractive or worth dating except for me. Its hard to date someone when she has that kind of prejudice going in... Furthermore before I met up with her she told me one weekend how she went out and woke up naked and hoped she didn't sleep with anyone. Had no idea why she was telling me this given she was trying to get me to take her out in a week. Apparently she has slept with a lot of guys over the past year or so and that should have been a red flag but I do like her.
Chi townD Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 Do you think her whole "i'm not physically attracted to you" thing is bs? I have a hard time believing that given what other girls have told me and what she told me as well. Its funny she and I are the same race and yet she told me she didn't find anyone of our race attractive or worth dating except for me. Its hard to date someone when she has that kind of prejudice going in... Furthermore before I met up with her she told me one weekend how she went out and woke up naked and hoped she didn't sleep with anyone. Had no idea why she was telling me this given she was trying to get me to take her out in a week. Apparently she has slept with a lot of guys over the past year or so and that should have been a red flag but I do like her. Sorry dude, but this chick has WAY TOO MUCH BAGGAGE!!! And I think you might be better off finding another girl that's a bit more.......stable? (I'm trying to be nice here). 2
geegirl Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 Who knows if she is truly not attracted to you or not. Again, she's not consistent in her actions and in her words so no one can tell you what's really going on in her head. She's not even sure as to what's going on in her head. And stop comparing. Now, I want to bang you with a saucepan over your head. She tells you she woke up naked and didn't know if she slept with anyone and you still went forward. She told you she's slept with a lot of guys and you went forward. She left you for an ex and you went forward in taking her back a second time. She's not the problem. You are. She's waving every red flag and you're reasoning is that you like her? SMH.
lukas Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 She sounds like she's pretty much psycho if you ask me... so much flip flopping I would run for the hills if I were you
Author confused836 Posted February 6, 2013 Author Posted February 6, 2013 The thing is it took me the longest time to get over my ex and i finally found someone who said all the right things and was seemingly into me. I couldnt help but get carried away and start liking her. I mean in my head what 24 year old girl doesn't sleep around and have fun? I can't blame her for that. Plus she's the same race as me and there aren't that many of us in town right now so I was really excited. Shes cute for sure and has a great personality. Yes it sucked that she left me once but people deserve second chances but I didn't expect to be hurt again. I think I just have insecurities of being alone and wanting to be with someone after my previous ex that I didn't see these red flags .
Author confused836 Posted February 6, 2013 Author Posted February 6, 2013 Well I sent her a last message on Facebook saying thanks for a fun month and whatnot but she ignored me and then proceeded to block me so that's that I guess
geegirl Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 Well I sent her a last message on Facebook saying thanks for a fun month and whatnot but she ignored me and then proceeded to block me so that's that I guess Well, you have your closure.
geegirl Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 Well I sent her a last message on Facebook saying thanks for a fun month and whatnot but she ignored me and then proceeded to block me so that's that I guess Well, you have your closure.
Author confused836 Posted February 6, 2013 Author Posted February 6, 2013 Yeah doesn't make it easier. Whatever I don't like being ignored and then blocked that's ridiculous
Author confused836 Posted February 7, 2013 Author Posted February 7, 2013 Can someone please help me? Why am I still thinking about her? It was only a month long thing I should be over this by now. I am mad at myself
Own Worst Enemy Posted February 7, 2013 Posted February 7, 2013 either she is totally into someone else, or she is raving mad. neither would make you happy. sometimes the short term relationships are harder to get over. this is because you're still in the exciting phase, and it's actually the hope and butterflies that are hard to get over. plus of course the blow to your pride and feelings. but this one sounds like no great loss, honestly. find someone who knows what she's got when she's got you. 1
StraylightRun24 Posted February 7, 2013 Posted February 7, 2013 either she is totally into someone else, or she is raving mad. neither would make you happy. sometimes the short term relationships are harder to get over. this is because you're still in the exciting phase, and it's actually the hope and butterflies that are hard to get over. plus of course the blow to your pride and feelings. but this one sounds like no great loss, honestly. find someone who knows what she's got when she's got you. Right on all accounts Own Worst Enemy! This sums up my situation up very nicely (besides the raving mad part! )
Author confused836 Posted February 8, 2013 Author Posted February 8, 2013 She texted me after a few days of no contact saying how she is sorry for ignoring me and didn't mean to hurt me. Yet she still kept the door open by saying she is just confused right now and hopes she can figure it out and she knows that I'm a great guy. So do I wait for her to clear her head or just move on even though I don't want to?
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