Jessiboo Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 A little background: Got together at a local coffee shop/bar with this guy last week to talk about a little project we were working on. It was only supposed to take a short time but we ended up sitting and talking for hours, and had a great time together. It ended up being a date as much as anything else. He took the papers home with him and was supposed to get them back to me by yesterday. As of 8:00 yesterday morning he was "just about" finished. I didn't hear from him for the rest of the day, even though I was expecting to pick up the papers last night. Today is my birthday. I got a text from him at 7:30 am that said "Do you want those papers tonight? And Happy Birthday!!" So my question is this: Would you be insulted or flattered? My friend says she would be flattered because she thinks he obviously wanted to see me on my birthday. He said "tonight", not today or this evening. I say insulted. He texts me and asks if I want to pick up some papers like I'm not going to have any plans on my birthday? And the happy birthday part of the text was an afterthought! What say you? How would you feel if someone you were very casually seeing texted or called you with this? 1
Emilia Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 What say you? How would you feel if someone you were very casually seeing texted or called you with this? That he is waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay more relaxed than you are and doesn't over-think things as much as you do. 3
RachR Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 That he is waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay more relaxed than you are and doesn't over-think things as much as you do. Meh, I'm with the OP on this one. What a turn off that he's asking if she wanted the papers the night of her birthday. And he was supposed to give them to her last night as well.
veggirl Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 I would feel...neutral? I don't see anything to be insulted by. and I don't take it to mean he wants to hang out on your bday either. It's just...he finished so he text you to see if you want the papers.
crude Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 The papers took a little longer to finish than expected, so he said you could pick them up today instead of yesterday. Nothing to be insulted about, you seem to be too sensitive for this world.
Imported Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 Guessing you don't have plans for your birthday. And happy birthday btw.
Treasa Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 So, you had one sort of date with him? I wouldn't feel insulted.
Emilia Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 Meh, I'm with the OP on this one. What a turn off that he's asking if she wanted the papers the night of her birthday. And he was supposed to give them to her last night as well. If he is flaky and doesn't keep his promises, that's one thing. Being over concerned about some meaningless social etiquette is something else. Not everyone cares about their birthdays, I don't. I'd be annoyed if he didn't keep his promises but couldn't care less whether he thought I was around on my birthday or not. I'm not image conscious that way, I don't try to pretend that I have a busy social diary or anything like that.
Cutiepie1976 Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 Maybe he'll get lucky when you show up in the evening. Anyway, you're overthinking things. Is it possible you're overinvested in his actions? He remembered your birthday, and he finally finished the project. Yay! Two positives in one day. Life is good. 1
Author Jessiboo Posted February 6, 2013 Author Posted February 6, 2013 Haha. Yeah, I guess I'm not really insulted. A little annoyed that he didn't at least let me know he would be late getting the papers to me, and then ask if I wanted to get them tonight. I didn't make a big issue of it with him at all, I'm not like that. I just asked if we could do it tomorrow instead. It just struck me as really odd. I would just automatically assume that someone would be busy on his or her birthday, be it with family or friends or whatever. So I wouldn't ask last minute if they wanted to do something semi-work related.
Emilia Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 So I wouldn't ask last minute if they wanted to do something semi-work related. Yeah, let's make it a criminal offence and be done with it. Easy. No silly questions then in the future.
Ladybugz Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 It was probably a faux pas. He was using the papers to see you since your relationship hasn't yet been defined and he wasn't invited to your birthday being you aren't that close yet. If you feel insulted I can't make you feel differently and you'll act according to those emotions rather than anything any of us could type. I dont know but what i think is that since its a "" business" thing you got it twisted just it was nice last time. In cases like this you can easily get use if you dont know what you are doing/ thats why they say dont mix business with pleasure. I think he is more interested in the job that need to get done then you. So maybe you need to keep it professional. At the end its about business so ..............
candie13 Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 he likes you, but he's lazy . if he wants to date you, he should ask you properly. Funny try, though! I say "don't be available". text back: "thx for the birthday wish. A bit busy tonight , will get my papers back tom, if ok with you. cheers"
gaius Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 I don't think he was trying to use the papers to see you. If you weren't around you could have just said drop them in my mailbox or whatever. There are plenty of ways to get the papers back without you actually being there. He wasn't assuming you didn't have plans by offering them up today. If it was a scheme on his part it's the worst one I've ever heard of.
xpaperxcutx Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 I feel like you are reading way more into things than they need to be. Besides what constitutes a date? It was a project meeting and you decided to name it a " date" because you had a good time. That's a one-sided perspective because he most likely didn't feel the same way. It seems to me that you enjoy his company and you're a little flustered because you might be developing a crush on him. So let's act rational. Unless he asks you out on a date, a meeting is not a date.Unless he asks to you out on your birthday, assume that he really just wanted to send you well-wishes and him handing you back the papers was simply because he managed to finish work on the same day as your birthday. I know from time to time, I forget to think people actually have plans on their birthdays. It gets so bad sometimes I forget people's birthdays. 1
candie13 Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 Playing the hard to get game is frequently read as a denial or disinterest. denial or disinterest to what, he never actually asked her out! If he is interested, maybe he should say the magic words not use "papers" to see her on her birthday ! which is, indeed, terrible, as a scheme! And having plans for your birthday hardly is a mark of "disinterest", it's called having friends, family... a life, perhaps ? She will propose to see him to "get the papers back" and do some more encouragement flirting, but I don't think she should do the job for him.
RachR Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 (edited) If he is flaky and doesn't keep his promises, that's one thing. Being over concerned about some meaningless social etiquette is something else. Not everyone cares about their birthdays, I don't. I'd be annoyed if he didn't keep his promises but couldn't care less whether he thought I was around on my birthday or not. I'm not image conscious that way, I don't try to pretend that I have a busy social diary or anything like that. I could care less about "meaningless social etiquette" or "image conscious." And I haven't celebrated my birthday in many years, not a big thing in my family. But I would assume someone would be busy on their own birthday, like OP said in another post. IMO it showed he was flakey, and in my book that's a turn off in a potential partner (for friends, no big deal though). Perhaps I should have specified I wouldn't necessarily find it insulting but an annoyance a **turn off** like I said in my previous post. Different strokes different folks and all that greatness. Edited February 6, 2013 by RachR fixed sentence plus added more thoughts
Author Jessiboo Posted February 6, 2013 Author Posted February 6, 2013 Just to clarify, we do not work together. This is a fun little side project we are working on that combines both our talents. The reason I said it was date like is because once the project talk was finished we chatted for hours about all sorts of things, he held my hand on the way out, and kissed me goodnight. So I guess there is some level of interest there. Maybe. Having him assume I had no plans hit a nerve, but he was quite ok with doing it tomorrow. So all is good. I guess my self consciousness is showing. As I said, I would never assume someone was had no birthday plans, and if I were to try to make plans with them, work or otherwise, I would start with "Happy birthday. Do you have any big plans?" Rather than add happy birthday as an afterthought.
candie13 Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 "happy birthday, Do you have any plans?" is not how a guy would do it, because if you answered "yes", his ego would take a blow and he won't let that happen. Please bare with me and look at FACTS: 1. he DID NOT ask you out - did he say those words? 2. He DID NOT ask your plans for your birthday in advance - did he? He was simply... being opportunistic - some guys are chancers, you never know. Make sure NOT to ask him out. You need to know that he is interested, so that is his role. His little scheme showed that he was pretty sure that you like him. Well, fine, now he needs to pick up the nerve and finish the job . Happy birthday for tomorow, btw !!!
Keenly Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 Its not healthy to super analyze things this early.
xpaperxcutx Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 Just to clarify, we do not work together. This is a fun little side project we are working on that combines both our talents. The reason I said it was date like is because once the project talk was finished we chatted for hours about all sorts of things, he held my hand on the way out, and kissed me goodnight. So I guess there is some level of interest there. Maybe. Having him assume I had no plans hit a nerve, but he was quite ok with doing it tomorrow. So all is good. I guess my self consciousness is showing. As I said, I would never assume someone was had no birthday plans, and if I were to try to make plans with them, work or otherwise, I would start with "Happy birthday. Do you have any big plans?" Rather than add happy birthday as an afterthought. So you were annoyed because he didn't really think, not because he was trying to disrespect you in anyway. Sometimes we perceive things differently and its that perception that makes us react in certain ways. Let us brand his actions a misdemeanor and was in no way, shape or form a way to test you or disrespectful. I'm almost certain people are not capable of going out of their way to insult or offend unless they were manipulative and mean. Like i said before, I think you are thinking too much into things because if you can be offended that you thought he was trying to take you away from your birthday plans, why weren't you offended that he didn't wish you a happy birthday through the phone? Certainly you can make it a big issue that he lacked sincerity in not picking up the phone and instead sent you wishes through text. Don't make an issue where there isn't one. Just know that people are not perfect and sometimes they might do or say things that might come across as crude even when they are not aware they are doing it intentionally.
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