Starsinthesky Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 Hello. I've come on here to try and get some sanity back. I can't eat I can't sleep I can't speak to anybody. I've spent the past 2 and half days sobbing my heart out. Now to the point! Me and my boyfriend had been together coming up to a year in a couple weeks time. We met out of the blue and hit it off instantly, I still think back and smile about that night, it gives me a happy feeling inside even now, we were two old friends right from the start we were never strangers. I know we love each other deeply. We've never done anything to hurt each other such as cheating or trying to make each other jealous nothing intentional at all. Yet there's been times when we've fallen out about the little things and everytime we do it causes each of us to go through pain. He did something that upset me Sunday night, I know now he didn't do it to upset me he thought I was perfectly happy with the situation, but I wasn't and I wish with all my heart I could go back and express my feelings instead of assuming he didn't care about me and feeling so hurt. I got home on Sunday and text him this text. It's the stupidest thing I have ever done and I am going to regret it forever. I'm not a drama queen or anything like that, I'm normally so level headed and do anything to keep the peace and avoid confrontation. I text him this: I don't want to be together anymore, I'm sorry but I think it's what you want too isn't it. I never meant it at all and I've told him over and over. We've been talking all day the past two days. I can't say it's nice conversations because it's not. He says that I've hurt him and I know I have. I hate myself for it and explained to h endlessly what he means to me and why I said it and that I never meant. I know he's angry at me, understandably. Ives been fighting for him so hard. He just keeps saying he can't go through this again. Or that well just fall out again next week and cause each other more pain. I said to him tell me you dont love me and tell me you won't look back and wonder what if then I will leave you alone. He text back he can't say that but he's not prepared to go through all this again. We love each other so much. There's got to be a way to make him see that our love is worth more than the fear of more pain?! I know he just doesn't want to be hurt, but I would never hurt him again. Thank you for reading.
Emilia Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 Sounds like it's not the first time you sent a dramatic text like that and he is fed up. What do you argue about? How do you usually handle it?
Author Starsinthesky Posted February 6, 2013 Author Posted February 6, 2013 I've honestly never said anything like that to him before. I'm honestly not a drama queen, I know what it sounds like but I'm not like that. When we are together we don't argue. It's the strain of not seeing each other as much as we would like that gets us both down. But we talk about things and we always come to the conclusion together that we just want each other so bad. So we've never given up on each other despite the pain that longing to be part of each others lives more brings The thing is I totally get where he's coming from not wanting to feel the pain. I feel the same pain. But love for me wins I'm the end.
Emilia Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 Yet there's been times when we've fallen out about the little things and everytime we do it causes each of us to go through pain. He did something that upset me Sunday night, I know now he didn't do it to upset me he thought I was perfectly happy with the situation, but I wasn't and I wish with all my heart I could go back and express my feelings instead of assuming he didn't care about me and feeling so hurt. So what do you mean here please
Amelie1980 Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 I've honestly never said anything like that to him before. I'm honestly not a drama queen, I know what it sounds like but I'm not like that. When we are together we don't argue. It's the strain of not seeing each other as much as we would like that gets us both down. But we talk about things and we always come to the conclusion together that we just want each other so bad. So we've never given up on each other despite the pain that longing to be part of each others lives more brings The thing is I totally get where he's coming from not wanting to feel the pain. I feel the same pain. But love for me wins I'm the end. I had the same thing....otherwise ok relationship....bit bf's head off after a long day at work for cancelling on me. I'm human it happens, never done it before. he went into a depressed sulk for days, crying for days that he doesn't love me anymore. he told me he May not have split with me if I hadn't done it. All I can say is for both of us...they just didn't love us enough or they had other reasons why they wanted to leave and we just triggered the inevitable. 1
Author Starsinthesky Posted February 6, 2013 Author Posted February 6, 2013 I had the same thing....otherwise ok relationship....bit bf's head off after a long day at work for cancelling on me. I'm human it happens, never done it before. he went into a depressed sulk for days, crying for days that he doesn't love me anymore. he told me he May not have split with me if I hadn't done it. All I can say is for both of us...they just didn't love us enough or they had other reasons why they wanted to leave and we just triggered the inevitable. Thank your for reply, I don't know how to get rid of the pain I just feel she'll shocked. How did you manage to say good ye? We are meeting up to say bye face to face in a couple days, I don't know how I'm going to not ball my eyes out, part of me won't lose hope that he will change his mind sad I know
Emilia Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 Well if your posting on this thread is anything to go by I'm guessing he is fed up with your not taking responsibility for your actions? Just a hunch.
Amelie1980 Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 From the other thread....it doesn't look as though this was the first time you've done something like this.
Heartfail Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 I think everyone's being a little harsh here... I think the whole point is when we are in love we act out we tend to over dramatise we make mistakes. I sent some awful emails to my boyfriend after we broke up. Completely out of character and I hurt him and myself very much by doing it. As far as he is concerned I am now quite a volatile, crazy ex and I'm sure we would have both preferred to remember me in higher regard than that. It is heartbreakingly painful in its own right. So you need to take some precautions here either to help you maybe find a way back or if you don't you have protected yourself and your dignity in the long run. First of all CALM DOWN. I know you feel emotional right now crying that hard and long can almost make you go even more crazy so for the sake of the long game please try and pull yourself together. You have to approach this as rationally as possible and show your ex you are the girl he fell in love with. The more you show yourself to be a wreck the easier it is for him to walk away. Completely subconsciously you're boyfriend with be feeling a new sense of power and even though he might not realise it that is giving him strength in a situation he probably felt a bit helpless in before. I also think you need to take this off text asap and sit and have a grown up face to face conversation. Text can so easily be misread and misinterpreted. To me it sounds like how you handle yourself and this situation in the next few days is very much going to effect the outcome. P.s I wouldn't call your message over dramatic- I think you were lashing out and hopefully it will teach you a lesson about better communicating to and with your partner about what you need or how you feel!
Emilia Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 You are taking what the OP says at face value. People don't just get 'fed up' in a relationship without prior history. The fact that the OP is a hit and run poster (ie starts threads and disappears) and doesn't respond to probing questions indicate to me that she is emotionally highly strung. 2
Heartfail Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 Ah Ok! Sorry didn't realise there was a longer story here. I better keep out of this one Hope she's OK
Emilia Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 You can check someone's posting history through their profiles (show posts or threads started). No need to keep out of it at all, this is a free forum
Hopeful79 Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 You are taking what the OP says at face value. People don't just get 'fed up' in a relationship without prior history. The fact that the OP is a hit and run poster (ie starts threads and disappears) and doesn't respond to probing questions indicate to me that she is emotionally highly strung. I'm relatively new to this site...and I only now just realized I can set my profile so that I receive email notifications when people respond to my threads or comments. Maybe this person hasn't done that and isn't always aware right away when people respond to comments. With that said, I do agree it seems there is more to the story. But then, isn't there always? With each breakup there is always two sides, or more even! No one can read minds or know the hurt the other is feeling. Anyhow, this poster is obviously hurting and seeking advice, so here is mine... DON'T TEXT, EMAIL, or CALL. I don't know if meeting in person to say "goodbye" is a good idea. I think it's better if each of you take some space away from each other, calm down, and get things into better perspectives as to whether or not this is a relationship BOTH of you want, and it has to be BOTH of you. If he wants out you have to let him go. I know with my ex I am not doing the 100% no contact - since we are still FB friends. I am however not answering his emails, phone calls and texts (he hasn't texted or phone called in ages, but there have been a couple emails that were emotional, him saying he misses me (but doesn't want me back as a gf, but as a friend (and I know that leads to a friend w priveledges, no thanks)). I've had a couple people advice me to stop the no FB contact, but I am not commenting on his posts (I "liked" a couple, trying to not do that). I am not ready to defriend him on FB... Hang in there, but yes, you both need space.
Emilia Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 I'm relatively new to this site...and I only now just realized I can set my profile so that I receive email notifications when people respond to my threads or comments. Maybe this person hasn't done that and isn't always aware right away when people respond to comments. With that said, I do agree it seems there is more to the story. But then, isn't there always? With each breakup there is always two sides, or more even! No one can read minds or know the hurt the other is feeling. Anyhow, this poster is obviously hurting and seeking advice, so here is mine... She has started multiple threads today. Of course she should receive different types of advice, however I believe in getting to the bottom of a particular type of behaviour because it will rear its ugly head down the years over and over again. This is how you get disheartened people. If someone is prone to sending 'we should break up' texts to her boyfriend, she has to face that it is an issue for the other person, not play it down, not blame him but knuckle down, work out the reason for her anxiety and fix it. Very often people treat only the symptoms which does not help long term.
Hopeful79 Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 She has started multiple threads today. Of course she should receive different types of advice, however I believe in getting to the bottom of a particular type of behaviour because it will rear its ugly head down the years over and over again. This is how you get disheartened people. If someone is prone to sending 'we should break up' texts to her boyfriend, she has to face that it is an issue for the other person, not play it down, not blame him but knuckle down, work out the reason for her anxiety and fix it. Very often people treat only the symptoms which does not help long term. Just noticed all the threads that she has posted. It is so painful and I can feel the desperation this poster is posting. I totally AGREE that we need to work on our issues before we can succeed in a relationship, meaning we have to be comfortable and content to be on our own independently. A relationship with someone else will never work when you depend on them for your happiness...and anxiety is a huge relationship killer. Arguing over texts is terrible...and should never be done...and breaking up over a text...a definite HUGE no no.
veggirl Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 Sounds like you guys have had quite a few ups and downs in just a year. that's not a good sign. Perhaps you simply aren't as compatible as you think you are.
Keenly Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 I had the same thing....otherwise ok relationship....bit bf's head off after a long day at work for cancelling on me. I'm human it happens, never done it before. he went into a depressed sulk for days, crying for days that he doesn't love me anymore. he told me he May not have split with me if I hadn't done it. All I can say is for both of us...they just didn't love us enough or they had other reasons why they wanted to leave and we just triggered the inevitable. Are you serious putting the blame on your boyfriend for your actions ? So its okay to blow up on him, and if he doesn't like that then he just doesn't love you?
Keenly Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 You're going to have to prove to him that you want him More than anything if that's what you want .
veggirl Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 I'd take it seriously if a girl sent me a written message that said I don't want to be with you any more sorry, it's what you want too. That's the kind of cold message you don't even send if you are breaking up with some one. If you guys were married it's the equivalent of writing "I want a divorce and have for a long time" and than trying to take it back. Exactly! Threatening a break up is ridiculously immature if you don't mean it. I would never stay with someone who threw out "lets break up" during arguments. How is he to know that the next time you disagree you won't threaten it again? It's just not the pattern you want to set. Plus you'd think that after dating a year, you'd think a bit more before threatening breaking up. I'm guessing this is a cycle that has gone on throughout the relationship and her bf is now just over it (which is totally understandable) 1
Amelie1980 Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 Are you serious putting the blame on your boyfriend for your actions ? So its okay to blow up on him, and if he doesn't like that then he just doesn't love you? There's a lot more to it than that. I can't be bothered to reiterate the story. Read my.original posts. He'd blown up on me after a bad day ir ignored me many times and I shrugged it off. The ONE time in nearly a year I am upset at.him he literally told me he didn't love me anymore and he wouldn't be breaking up but for one lapse on my part in nearly a year...
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