my gf left me, she cheated

[reallyhurt]

let me just say this, i had never in million years thought this would happen to me. she was so perfect, she said so many times that even if i leave her she will never leave me, stalk me and love me forever. i loved her with my whole heart. she became part of me. even when i was with her and listening to other ppl cheating on each other, i'd always thank god that i was with her cos she would never do that. everytime she complained i tried to improve myself. everytime she cried i was there, i kissed her, hugged her. everytime she needed me i was there. everytime i needed her she was there. our friends said we looked perfect. we were together for 5 yrs. every single night we wished each other good night and every morning we wished each other good morning, no matter whr we were. every single day. we kept in touch through out the day too. if i didnt reply to her texts she would get emotional and I would cheer her up by showing up with flowers and stuff.

 

i surprised her with gifts, and she did the same. i was in so much love with her.

 

then she had to go malaysia to attend a wedding, with her family. before going, we spent night together, we made love and next day i went to drop her home. she hugged me, we kissed and she cried. she said " we are so close and now i have to leave for 45 days, how am I gonna live without you". my eyes were full of tears, i was already missing her but I didnt want her departure more difficult so I didnt cry I just hugged her and said, we gonna talk all the time, in no time you'll b bak. I promise, you wont even feel it. just go, enjoy your holidays with your friends and family. i kissed her again. she knew i was just sayin that, inside i was crying.

 

she left, I started counting days, when she'l come back. I started planning a road trip with her, started planning where i'd take her when she comes back.

 

I tried to call her but she wouldnt answer. she wouldnt return my txts, if she did, it'd be one liners. she has facebook, she was uploading pictures and status updates but no messages for me. she started uploading picture who she claimed was her best friend, one after another. I got scared. i tried to warn her that she's hanging out with him bit too much over texts. she said he's her best friend and nothing more..

 

she came back, landed in sydney. I was waiting all night all day for her. I was at work, after work I gave her call. we planned to meet. i bought chocolates for her, I drove around to get flowers but couldnt. I drove to her place, picked her up for dinner. she acted differently. then, before I droped her home, she said she wanted to talk.

 

she cried, I was scared. she said " I dont know how this happend.." when she was saying it, my heartbeat rose, i started shaking, my eyes were full of tears, I started stuttering but words wont come out. she said " how come if i love u i like someone else". earth shook from underneath my feet. i was telling myself, " no its not happening, its not real". I asked her, dont worry, u had a weak moment, dont cry. nothing happend right? she said she would never do that, she would never cheat on me but she's been going out with her friend and right before she left from there, he expressed his feelings and she felt for him. she thinks she likes him... I cried. i didnot say what to do, what to say.

 

I wanted to go home, she insisted to come with me, cos she said she didnt want me to drive home like that. she came back with me, made love to me that night. i was confused yet happy that she's back. in the morning i made breakfast for her before she left. she sat in my lap, we talked, we laughed and then when I went to meet her again in the evening, she said she cant be with me. she's still talking to that guy and she doesnt have any feelings for me and she likes him. my world turned upside down. my dreams were shattered to the ground i cried and begged her not to do that.

 

I showed up at her work with flowers, I sent flowers frm online to cheer her up. she has started talking to me, but says just friends. and doesnt have any feelings for me and she will never be back with me.

 

 

we talk but she doenst have feelings for me. sometimes when i get emotional and tell her that i miss her, she says my words dont move her at all.

 

I know she's wants to be with this guy. she's been chatting and talking to him. I have tried every bit to remind her about how we used to be. how much i loved her but she's become stone. she doenst feel anything.

 

 

I have never imagined my life without her. my breathing stops when i think of spending my life with someone else or alone. I love her so much. Im in so much pain. I am hurt. my health my work my life is suffering. I have contemplating suicide few times...what should I do? help....

[Mr_Flay]

Exactly the same thing happened to me, and so I can sincerely emphatise with you, for all it's worth. Pay no heed to what she promised you before about staying with you forever. That promise was made in the past and in a different frame of mind, and now the circumstances have changed. Feelings change, and there's nothing anybody can do about that, so don't beat yourself over it. You can be the best boyfriend in the world, but at this moment she sees only this new guy, and is blind to anybody else, including you. You can only make it worse than it already is, so muster all the dignity you can find within you, and hope for the best, but prepare for the worst.

 

I swear, sometimes people behave like babies – when they see a new shiny toy, they immediately drop and forget about the old one. Few people get over their overwhelming new crush and stay with the old partner. Think of your relationship as a spent uranium pellet (gosh, I'm full of wild metaphors today!); it gave you great energy in the beginning, but now all you have left is radioactive waste. Bury it as soon as possible and go look for someone new who will make you happy. Just make sure it's clean energy. Okay, I'll stop with the bad metaphors now.

[wintersun]

Been there my friend. Two times!

 

The first one, it was a 5 year relation. She told me the exact same story.

 

The last one, it was a 7 year relation. We lived together. Once again, the EXACT same story... but this time I found out that she was cheating on my.

 

It's been 4 years since we broke. I'm feeling great.

 

I can only tell you, that time heals everything.

[reallyhurt]

bt my friend, if u r feelin grt y r u on this site? im sry, i might sound bit negative but im not in right frame of mind. my heart literally aches all the time and i have tears in my eyes, every day, all the time unless im asleep. its been 3 weeks.

 

i feel like i have nothin to live for. if she can leave me like this after all the promises, how will i ever trust anyone else. ppl say thrz plenty of fish out thr, but same ppl r looking for a partner even after years.

 

im not the type of guy normally girls go out with. im quiet type of person. not a great personality just average. i have been goin gym, keepin myself busy doing MMA but, nothing has helped so far. i feel like im sick and suffering frm an ailment.

 

i live in australia, i migrated here. i have no friends, family im basically all alone. all the friends i had were her friends first and they all have removed me. she even asked her cousins to remove me frm their facebook and they did. and my luck is such, i had couple of friends, they had to go back home, for good due to visa issues.

 

i am goin out as well. but im not young im 30 yrs old, i dont see any light...

 

 

im not only in pain but hopeless as well...

 

thnx for ur post my friend. i really appreciate it.

[blotter]

What you are going through is completely normal. I know that ache in the heart feeling I would have to grasp my chest cause I could feel it breaking and aching for months afterward. You are on the right track even if it doesn't feel like it, keep going to the gym, keep doing mma, try to make friends in your class. Give it more time. Time is your friend and you will heal from this even though it doesn't feel like it right now. Don't worry about your age lots and I mean LOTS of people begin relationships in their 30's. Stick with what you are doing, keep going out, you are going to have to ride this out and give it more time.

[gravi1]

You are going through something very emotional, and painfull it can take over your whole life, it will be all you think about every hour and it will become an obsession if you dont take care.

 

Man to man, my friend when one door closes there is always another one open, or closed but not locked for that matter. You go knock other doors right away chief, not to show her, or try to replicate what you had with her, or try to fall in something similar to love, no. Get a female friend, I know they are many, talk to her tell her your sob story, they do sometimes have very beneficial sympathy if you are lucky, all in all what I am trying to say is do not atempt to take it on by yourself, 9/10 you will loose, get someone you can talk to.

 

I myself went through this and felt the pain.You will realise that women sometimes see things diferently, she has been with you for so long and you became too carring, soft, always there,no adventure, perhaps sex became monotone(sorry I'm no expert but I have reasoning), she jumped at the first different thing, the atmosphere in another country, handsome guy with bigger and faster weapons and she fell. I can assure you that he will drop her as soon as the wedding in another country tghing wears off she will come running but you will have left the area son.

 

you have your sorrow make the most of it, when life throws lemons make lemonade and add some vodka.

[reallyhurt]

thnx guys, i am reading all ur replies. and i have 2 say, i never thought ppl would even care to understand what im goin through. but knowing that other ppl have gone through the same, makes me feel less sad temporarily but it does.

thnx, a lot guys. i wish ppl wre like that in person as well. all the ppl around me just like to ignore or tell their silly sob stories ignoring what i am goin thru. they just laugh it off sayin stupid stuff...

 

bt anyways.. thnx.

[BigTuna]

Read your story, very heartbreaking, I'm currently writing my tale to share. But like others have said, YOU will bounce back. Continue with your exercise, take advantage of any social activities, you have a good heart you will find the right person

[cavalier99]

I though that i would definitely die from the heartbreak i felt the 1st weeks after BU from 8 year RS.

 

I'm still alive and breathing after 4 months NC and feeling surprisingly good. What a roller coaster of suffering..but you'll be fine.

 

I guarantee you wont die form the heart break. You'll actually end up stronger. This is fantastic now that she is gone and now you can do whatever you want and eventually find a cool girl who will stay with you! Rock on! Cav

[A n t h o n y]

I hate how I see myself in like everyone's story's, it's quite painful. My first love leaving on me / cheating on me did nothing but motivate me to be a better person. Instead of feeling sorry for myself I got off my ass got a gym membership, hit the gym hard, i have musklessss, i look / feel great and that particular ex has begged for me back numerous times which I find hilarious. GIGS is a funny thing it really is. I guess what I'm saying is use this time to work on yourself.

[Mack05]

Reallyhurt I really feel your pain bro. Believe me we have all been there. Its the most gut wrenching feeling in the world no matter what age you are..

 

I agree with the posters who say you cannot focus on her words. I have had women claim undying love for me. Tell me I am "the one". Sadly people change, feelings change and you REALLY need to try stop focusing on her words..

 

Another thing you have to do is not contact her. This will be hardest thing in the world to do. Believe me the more you contact her, the more needy and desperate you become the more and more you will push her away.

 

This is rock bottom my friend. A truly horrible place to be. There is no easy solution. Indeed its going to get worse, as you are still in shock. When the shock wears off you are going to be desperate to contact her. You simply must not. You are drowning and you believe she is the one person that can save you. She is not all she is capable of right now is giving you more pain. If you feel the incredible urge to contact then come hear, go for a walk, take a long hot bath, go to the gym. Whatever you do, you cannot contact her.

 

You also slowly have to build towards acceptance that she is not coming back. Another horrible thing to deal with. I know things feel desperate. I was 35 and had that same desperateness. That same hopelessness. That same heartbreak. I broke all the rules. Send her friends facebook messages. Harassed her to death. She eventually went to the police and my family pleading with me to stop contacting her.

 

Please dont make the same mistakes I did. It just adds to the hurt and pain. This is a long journey. Your new friends on LS will help you and be there for you every step of the way. I promise you it gets better. I promise you that you will find love again. This whole experience will make you a stronger and better person.

 

You will know need to call on the courage we all have within. The human spirit is truly incredible and we all have it. Doesn't matter our backgrounds, our faith, our upbringing, mistakes we have made. We all have the ability to not only survive a relationship heartbreak, but to come out of it wiser and better people...

 

Now you are going to have to go through hell. Worse then any nightmare you have ever dreamed, but in the end you will find happiness again.

 

Just try do one little positive thing a day. When the negative thoughts come and they will! try force them out of your mind. No point in setting long term goals right now. That will come in time. Just little steps day by day...It all adds up in the end..

 

A book I recommend is the power of now by Eckhart Tolle.

Edited February 10, 2013 by Mack05

[denxnis]

I'm sorry man, I went through something very similar 3 months ago with my girlfriend of 6 years. Keep your chin up and try to improve yourself as you work through this instead of the opposite.

 

How old is this girl by the way?