2 years and still not over the ex!!!???

[hopefullove]

hi pals!!!

Haha I read thru that and I also relate!!!

Mine was a 8-9 month intense relationship.

He moved in 2 months in, I met his family, he flew out to meet mine.

He was engaged prior but broke it off before me, I guess he was on the prowl again when he met me and started hinting about loving me after out second date. He told me he loved me on the 4th time I saw him. He also said he fell in love with me the first time he saw me. The difference is he is extremely attractive, like model looks, height, physique. But the part I loved most about him was our connection and humour together, we could do nothing but joke around all day and do nothing. He was like my best friend.

 

The uniqueness factor too! First thing was his dad and brothers name is my dad and grandpas name, I know it's silly but you kinda just pick at these things cause you want your situation to be special. Or that he lived in my city for a brief period before moving, we are from opposite sides of the country. I could go on about silly things I would say made it special but I now realize that we all want to feel special. When something sounds predestined or preordained or something, somehow it gives the relationship more weight. We used to say how fate pushed us together, how we were meant to be together... I think those key phrases become an anchor when we break up because we become fixated on "fate".... Like crap. What's going to happen now? That was my only shot!!!??? We need to get rid of those thoughts of mystic forces bringing us together.

 

Mine is commitment phobe eh, I mean how cruel is fate to stick me with a selfish man who can mimic a loving, caring, thoughtful boyfriend where in fact there is only one person he will ever care about, himself. Yeah we had something amazing, and it wasn't enough for him to stay, to sort himself out. They make their choice, and it's their choice, not our choice so what are we going to do... Sit in a corner and die. It's so hard, to open your heart to someone and give it willingly, being promised that all your feelings will be reciprocated.. And you trust that. So on top of hurt, loss, there is betrayal. A feeling of emptiness. Yeah we are going thru a lot of stuff, but we all deserve to be happy. Sometimes you have to make your own happiness. Open up yourself to the possibility to find another partner, it's always a risk. But it beats giving up!

[lilacwine]

hi pals!!!

Haha I read thru that and I also relate!!!

Mine was a 8-9 month intense relationship.

He moved in 2 months in, I met his family, he flew out to meet mine.

He was engaged prior but broke it off before me, I guess he was on the prowl again when he met me and started hinting about loving me after out second date. He told me he loved me on the 4th time I saw him. He also said he fell in love with me the first time he saw me. The difference is he is extremely attractive, like model looks, height, physique. But the part I loved most about him was our connection and humour together, we could do nothing but joke around all day and do nothing. He was like my best friend.

 

The uniqueness factor too! First thing was his dad and brothers name is my dad and grandpas name, I know it's silly but you kinda just pick at these things cause you want your situation to be special. Or that he lived in my city for a brief period before moving, we are from opposite sides of the country. I could go on about silly things I would say made it special but I now realize that we all want to feel special. When something sounds predestined or preordained or something, somehow it gives the relationship more weight. We used to say how fate pushed us together, how we were meant to be together... I think those key phrases become an anchor when we break up because we become fixated on "fate".... Like crap. What's going to happen now? That was my only shot!!!??? We need to get rid of those thoughts of mystic forces bringing us together.

 

Mine is commitment phobe eh, I mean how cruel is fate to stick me with a selfish man who can mimic a loving, caring, thoughtful boyfriend where in fact there is only one person he will ever care about, himself. Yeah we had something amazing, and it wasn't enough for him to stay, to sort himself out. They make their choice, and it's their choice, not our choice so what are we going to do... Sit in a corner and die. It's so hard, to open your heart to someone and give it willingly, being promised that all your feelings will be reciprocated.. And you trust that. So on top of hurt, loss, there is betrayal. A feeling of emptiness. Yeah we are going thru a lot of stuff, but we all deserve to be happy. Sometimes you have to make your own happiness. Open up yourself to the possibility to find another partner, it's always a risk. But it beats giving up!

 

I completely agree with this. The worst part of my breakup with "the one" is the feeling of being betrayed by someone you trust so much, someone who you shared your innermost secrets with and someone who you thought will stick with you forever. To me, that's what hurts me the most. Now I can't seem to trust anyone else and the thought of being in a relationship again scares the hell out of me. Don't know when I will be able to date again... It seems it'll take me forever to pull myself together and be ready for a new love...

[lilacwine]

I could have typed that myself, those words are straight out of my mind. Is there a minute in the day when he isn't on your mind? Mine is always at the back - sometimes, often, at the forefront, especially when he lives so close to me but it's strange how I rarely see him around - of my mind.

 

How long have you 2 been broken up (apologies if you have already mentioned), and after how long together?

 

I'm 48 the day after tomorrow so in that awkward age gap of finding anyone else I would find attractive (and I was rarely attracted to anyone anyone, there was just that 'something' abouth him, as I mentioned, that drew me to him - it truly was a dream come true to find out he felt the same, in fact I was the one holding all the cards at first as it was his fantasy come true to be with me and he couldn't believe his luck). I don't foresee a time when I would be interested in anyone else, I'm far too scarred by this experience - if someone who loved and adored me could let me down so badly, how could I ever trust again?

 

All the Valentine stuff in the shops is a dagger in the heart too, just hideous.

 

Like you, i'm completely scared of love and relationship after this breakup.

 

Btw, we were together for a year and a half. He dumped me 7 months ago. We stayed low contact for two months right after the breakup. Then I managed to stay no contact (following the Caliguy no contact rule on here) for two months. After that, I broke no contact out of missing him too much and tried to be his friend as he suggested being friends post breakup. However, stay friends didn't work either. It was too much pressure and work to pretend being fine with being friends while you were screaming inside for more. I was back to no contact since early January. I'm gonna stick to strick NC this time.

[sedgwick]

I understand. It's been six years for me now. We were together for just under a year. I haven't dated at all since, and I still love him deeply. I really don't expect to ever get over it at this point. Please don't be me.

[Soxfaninfl]

I understand. It's been six years for me now. We were together for just under a year. I haven't dated at all since, and I still love him deeply. I really don't expect to ever get over it at this point. Please don't be me.

 

I feel the same way about my ex-wife. We were together for 11 years. She was and is the only women I've ever been in love with, but she doesn't love me anymore. I have dated since she left me, but I have not been in love with any of them. I cared about them, but I wasn't in love with any of them.