Potential misunderstanding... should I explain this to her?

[New2Love4Now]

Here's the deal right now...

 

Last week I texted my ex (very stupidly) to apologize for a bunch of things and got no reply. I texted once more saying I didn't want to stop all contact and that I wasn't trying to get her back. No reply. I texted again saying "can't we talk for a litte?" I got no reply so I just decided to go No Contact so that I could stop screwing up.

 

We had a google doc that we would use to leave each other messages throughout the day when we were still together. I decided to delete a large wall of text that I had written after she broke up with me which was me basically just pouring my heart out. I deleted it because I felt that it was embarrassing. Today (about 5 days later) I noticed that she had deleted everything she had written on there as well.

 

My concern is that she probably thinks that I got angry at her for not responding to my text the week before where I asked if we could talk. She probably thinks I got mad after she didn't reply and deleted what I wrote out of spite. I think I made it seem like I was playing the victim.

 

Should I try to explain this to her and apologize? If I continue no contact it would seem like I'm mad at her for not wanting to talk. I really want her to know that I'm not contacting her because I respect her and want to give her space. Could I explain this in the document so it's not like I'm directly contacting her...?

 

At this point I don't even want her back I just want to end on good terms. Very confused as to what to do... Thanks in advance

Edited February 6, 2013 by New2Love4Now

[stevie_23]

Ok. So you don’t want her back? Why not? Because of how she’s behaved recently or because of issues from before? I assume it’s the latter.

 

Also, it sounds a bit odd that she’d just completely go NC on you after a fight (I assume it was a fight, if you texted her to apologise for things and she didn’t reply).

 

I do think you should try to talk to her. If possible, try to do it over the phone or in person. That Google wall thing, she may not check it again if she’s deleted everything from it that she said. I think you owe it to each other to not just let things end like THIS.

[New2Love4Now]

Ok. So you don’t want her back? Why not? Because of how she’s behaved recently or because of issues from before? I assume it’s the latter.

 

Also, it sounds a bit odd that she’d just completely go NC on you after a fight (I assume it was a fight, if you texted her to apologise for things and she didn’t reply).

 

I do think you should try to talk to her. If possible, try to do it over the phone or in person. That Google wall thing, she may not check it again if she’s deleted everything from it that she said. I think you owe it to each other to not just let things end like THIS.

 

Thanks for your reply! I don't want her back because I know things would never be the same and I wouldn't be able to trust her.

 

Well it wasn't exactly a fight because I texted her at first and said that I needed to get something off my chest, and she said sure. After that she didn't reply at all. I think she was just very annoyed by me because I wouldn't move on.

 

I feel like if I contact her it could make things worse... but at the same time if I don't she will probably think that I'm not contacting her because I'm angry at her which would me look very immature and pathetic.

 

She was a long distance GF so I couldn't talk in person and I deleted her number from my phone to stop myself from contacting her and screwing things up even more so my only option right now is email or through Google docs. Should I just drop it and accept that she may hate me now?

[stevie_23]

I know what it’s like to still love someone but to also know that no matter what, you can’t go back to how things were, even if they wanted to.

 

So when you texted her to get stuff off your chest, was it coming across as you were breaking up with her? Is that why she didn’t reply? Or she was just really annoyed because the stuff you were getting off your chest was stuff you’d discussed already or something?

 

Ah, and a long distance partner. I know all about that too. Ok then. Use your Google Docs wall. You really don’t have anything to lose. It won’t make things worse, if you just keep it honest and concise, as much as possible.

[New2Love4Now]

I know what it’s like to still love someone but to also know that no matter what, you can’t go back to how things were, even if they wanted to.

 

So when you texted her to get stuff off your chest, was it coming across as you were breaking up with her? Is that why she didn’t reply? Or she was just really annoyed because the stuff you were getting off your chest was stuff you’d discussed already or something?

 

Ah, and a long distance partner. I know all about that too. Ok then. Use your Google Docs wall. You really don’t have anything to lose. It won’t make things worse, if you just keep it honest and concise, as much as possible.

 

I think she didn't reply because she just really wanted me to move on and before this I had done a lot of pleading with her, so it annoyed her that I was still bringing it up.

 

I'll try to write as little as possible and explain what happened. You're right, I guess I don't have anything to lose. If she understands then great, and if she doesn't care... well then neither will I.

 

Thanks so much for your help!

[stevie_23]

Ohh, so you and her had kind of broken up before this? Hmm. Maybe she’s just over it and thinks the only way to move on for both of you is to go silent.

 

And yes, if you write plainly and clearly what it is you think, and she understands, even if she doesn’t talk to you still, you will know she at least understands and knows where you’re coming from and there is nothing else you can, or need to, do about it. You will have done all you can in the situation.

 

If she doesn’t care, then you won’t either? Well. I think you WILL care because you don’t just switch off those feelings instantly, but that’s ok. As I said, there will be nothing more to be done and you will have said your piece.

[New2Love4Now]

Ohh, so you and her had kind of broken up before this? Hmm. Maybe she’s just over it and thinks the only way to move on for both of you is to go silent.

 

And yes, if you write plainly and clearly what it is you think, and she understands, even if she doesn’t talk to you still, you will know she at least understands and knows where you’re coming from and there is nothing else you can, or need to, do about it. You will have done all you can in the situation.

 

If she doesn’t care, then you won’t either? Well. I think you WILL care because you don’t just switch off those feelings instantly, but that’s ok. As I said, there will be nothing more to be done and you will have said your piece.

 

Yeah we actually broke up a few weeks before this and we reconciled last monday, and then I sent her the last messages on thursday (bad move, I know). The only reason its going on this long is because I don't want for it to seem like I'm harassing her so I wait a while before trying to contact her again. I know for sure she is very over it and I'm willing to move on myself... it's just that as of now I think it seems to her that I'm not contacting her because I'm angry at her for not replying to me. Should I still write the message?

[stevie_23]

Hmm. I’m not sure now about the message. It won’t hurt, but I don’t know if she would really care or find any closure in it anymore.

 

If she assumes your silence lately is due to you being angry or whatever, then yes, write the message, if nothing more than to clear your own head and be done with it, knowing she knows the truth.

 

But if she doesn’t really care why you’re not talking and is hoping you’ve moved on, like she has, then any sort of contact will just be a bit awkward for her and seem unnecessary I think.

[Almond_Joy]

If you contact her again at this point, it is harassment IMO. All the moreso because neither of you want to get back together.

 

You've told her what you wanted to say, her response was silence. You are not responsible for how she perceives things.

 

Just go NC and let her think what she will. It doesn't sound like she cares much about anything you do right now, and if she does let her approach you to talk about it for a change.