meeji Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 I found this article today and thought it was very interesting. I have seen comments here where people have claimed nc to be a mind game and a lot of other things mentioned in this article. There are always 2 sides to every coin. This one is for you guys. How To Respond To Your Ex?s ?No Contact? Rule | | Ask Love Doctor Yangki Christine Akiteng 1
cavalier99 Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 (edited) That is the biggest crock of sh*t I've ever read. The author must have a terminal case of dumpers remorse. Lol Edited February 6, 2013 by cavalier99 4
Yamcha Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 If you read all the way through it has a caveat at the end. If it's used to heal your broken heart and move on, that's fair game. That's the way it's meant to be used. But if it is used to try and emotionally manipulate your ex into loving you again, that's NO good and everything the article says applies.
SerCay Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 i agree with this.. im not a big fan of nc myself, forced nc that is. people always tell you to instantly go nc and delete block etc from everywhere.. i think you should do that when youre emotionally ready. otherwise you always always break it, or the other person breaks it and then you start at square 1 again. on the other hand, there are circumstances where nc is the only option. eg physical abuse, danger, threat etc, that kind of thing. or something you find so unforgivable that you immediately know you will never want contact again anyway...but in these situations nc cold turkey will go by itself as you will feel it from inside. forced nc, i dont believe in that
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 I found this article today and thought it was very interesting. I have seen comments here where people have claimed nc to be a mind game and a lot of other things mentioned in this article. There are always 2 sides to every coin. This one is for you guys. How To Respond To Your Ex?s ?No Contact? Rule | | Ask Love Doctor Yangki Christine Akiteng Thanks for the article....incredibly one sided, but eh. I've read this article and 900 other ones online about relationships. NC is used to heal and get over the hurt they caused. If anyone uses NC for another reason, they will be disappointed. 1
cavalier99 Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 If you read all the way through it has a caveat at the end. If it's used to heal your broken heart and move on, that's fair game. That's the way it's meant to be used. But if it is used to try and emotionally manipulate your ex into loving you again, that's NO good and everything the article says applies. Ok i saw that part now. However if someone dumps you and dumpee go NC the dumper shouldn't have dumped them in the 1st place if they wanted communication. So it is the dumper that is playing games. The dumpee is just taking the dumper seriously and moving on. 1
Simon Phoenix Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 Ok i saw that part now. However if someone dumps you and dumpee go NC the dumper shouldn't have dumped them in the 1st place if they wanted communication. So it is the dumper that is playing games. The dumpee is just taking the dumper seriously and moving on. Agreed. The dumpee is not the enemy for stepping back, nor is he or she wrong. Just doing what the dumper wants. And NC isn't expressly for getting an ex back -- it is first and foremost to heal and move on. But the same psychology that allows for it to be an effective method to do that can also allow the dumper to have second thoughts and want to reach out for contact. Acting like it's an either/or proposition is foolish, which this author seems to do in a lot of her articles. I mean, it's her opinion and she has a right to it, it just seems misguided in a lot of instances. Sometimes, going NC (or taking space) is a necessary avenue for reconciliation. Acting like it's a game or a con in most situations is intellectually dishonest IMO. 1
iouaname Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 I've seen that website before and it calls "No Contact" a form of abuse, which I think is just completely unbelievable 1
Yamcha Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 Ok i saw that part now. However if someone dumps you and dumpee go NC the dumper shouldn't have dumped them in the 1st place if they wanted communication. So it is the dumper that is playing games. The dumpee is just taking the dumper seriously and moving on.That's a good point, as well. You're right that the article is pretty damn one-sided, in light of that. Like the No Contact guide says, the dumper contacting the dumpee and being "just friends" is just the dumper being selfish and trying to convince themselves that they didn't hurt the dumpee so they can feel better about themselves. And I don't think I need to say that this a HUGE disservice to the dumpee. 1
Simon Phoenix Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 I've seen that website before and it calls "No Contact" a form of abuse, which I think is just completely unbelievable Yep. While some people think sites like this are extremely in their advocacy of NC, that site is just as extreme in the opposite direction. It's like going from Nancy Pelosi to the Tea Party, and vice versa. 1
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 Ok i saw that part now. However if someone dumps you and dumpee go NC the dumper shouldn't have dumped them in the 1st place if they wanted communication. So it is the dumper that is playing games. The dumpee is just taking the dumper seriously and moving on. That really grinds my gears too. It's a lose lose situation. If the dumper broke up with you to force communication and you go NC and they get mad....OR you do try and reconcile then it's "too late" or something along those lines...OR they break up with you to be done, NC is the only way. If you contact, you look weak, stalkish, obsessed, etc. Lessons learned
iouaname Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 Well I mean, if the relationship is over then it's over, right? I mean how is "No Contact" any more abusive than breaking up with someone in the first place? The other person is allowed to hurt you by making decisions that are meant to make them happy, but not vice-versa? It's just dumb. 2
cavalier99 Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 I've seen that website before and it calls "No Contact" a form of abuse, which I think is just completely unbelievable Agrees, that whole emotional abuse part seemed completely ridiculous. If anyone went NC on me after I dumped them id just expect and respect it. Ohh my g-d i dumped someone and now they wont speak to me...poor me im being emotionally abused. Lol:laugh: 2
na49 Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 How dare I not want to hear from someone who ripped my heart out and stepped on it. Spat in my face, shat all over me and left me with nothing. Not to mention she was completely okay with it. but she wanted to be friends! She's being the bigger person! She knows we ended on bad terms but wants to stay friends! What a great person she is! A true role model! I'm the child for not accepting her offers of friendship. :sick: 6
cavalier99 Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 How dare I not want to hear from someone who ripped my heart out and stepped on it. Spat in my face, shat all over me and left me with nothing. Not to mention she was completely okay with it. but she wanted to be friends! She's being the bigger person! She knows we ended on bad terms but wants to stay friends! What a great person she is! A true role model! I'm the child for not accepting her offers of friendship. :sick: Hey NA stop emotionally abusing your EX! 1
Simon Phoenix Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 Hey NA stop emotionally abusing your EX! Careful, he'll actually start believing this just kidding, na.
CalvinM Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 As someone currently on the receiving end of a forced NC, I agree it's incredibly childish. Adults don't ignore each other, they deal with issues and reconcile or they move on. 2
iouaname Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 As someone currently on the receiving end of a forced NC, I agree it's incredibly childish. Adults don't ignore each other, they deal with issues and reconcile or they move on. Well how much reconciling and dealing with issues is necessary when you're dumped and over? How many times do you need to have something SAID to move on? You move on by... cutting contact and moving on. Communicating with your ex is not moving on, hon. 2
cavalier99 Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 As someone currently on the receiving end of a forced NC, I agree it's incredibly childish. Adults don't ignore each other, they deal with issues and reconcile or they move on. If your dealing with NC then you have your answer already. What is there to talk about a BIG ZERO..NADA ZILCH. Trying to force some one who doesn't want to talk to you is childish. You need to let it go.
Hopeful714 Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 EEEEEEk..... Blast if you will but I can see this! I broke up because of the cheating and no communication afterwards about it. He quickly went to NC. Still no discussion. I think he did it because he didn't think I was serious (and I most likely wasn't) but he thought I would be sorry, rethink and come begging back..(to a cheater) .and eventually he would have HIS WAY. This is evidenced by the "I'm sorry" text weeks after I gave up. And then the x-mas text 1.5 months thereafter. What he wasn't banking on was I was hip to, and sick of being emotionally controlled this way. So maybe yea, this can actually happen? 1
destroyed4sho Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 haha! AS IF those of us that are on NC think it will get our ex back, miraculously fix our relationship problems and end up living happily ever after....wtf?? Who ever wrote this obviously has no clue about breakups or being a dumpee. I love how 1 small paragraph was dedicated to the real reason we use NC...lol. Cav, your such a scumbag emotional abuser to your ex for not answering that beautiful bday email she sent you!! How dare you?!! hahaha 1
na49 Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 Adults don't ignore other adults. for no reason. with NC they have a reason. What issues need to be dealt with once one person tells the other that they don't want to be with them anymore and breaks up with them? 1
cavalier99 Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 haha! AS IF those of us that are on NC think it will get our ex back, miraculously fix our relationship problems and end up living happily ever after....wtf?? Who ever wrote this obviously has no clue about breakups or being a dumpee. I love how 1 small paragraph was dedicated to the real reason we use NC...lol. Cav, your such a scumbag emotional abuser to your ex for not answering that beautiful bday email she sent you!! How dare you?!! hahaha I guarantee my ex typed that as an after though after getting banged by the new guy! Maybe she didn't orgasm and missed me...Lol 1
destroyed4sho Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 haha, yeah that is when they start remembering us. lol. To me, NC is about fighting for myself and not fighting for the relationship anymore. You can't do both when someone does NOT want to be with you anymore and has made that clear. Period. Its a tough road but it has to start at some point. 3
destroyed4sho Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 EEEEEEk..... Blast if you will but I can see this! I broke up because of the cheating and no communication afterwards about it. He quickly went to NC. Still no discussion. I think he did it because he didn't think I was serious (and I most likely wasn't) but he thought I would be sorry, rethink and come begging back..(to a cheater) .and eventually he would have HIS WAY. This is evidenced by the "I'm sorry" text weeks after I gave up. And then the x-mas text 1.5 months thereafter. What he wasn't banking on was I was hip to, and sick of being emotionally controlled this way. So maybe yea, this can actually happen? this is different case because the cheater was trying to be manipulative.
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