Yamcha Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 You all bring up some interesting thoughts, thanks. As for my refusing to be upfront with him about being irritated, that wasn't my intention at all. I was actually trying not to be the girl who overreacts since I've been her in the past. Yes I was irritated, but instead of saying exactly what I was thinking (which wasn't nice lol) I thought it better to simmer down and get input from others.That's fine. Just tell him that you don't think it's appropriate for him to stay over, since it makes you think that he's just trying to get into your pants. That's not overreacting, at all.
SJC2008 Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 Well I consider myself a FOOL because I went on 5 dates with this girl and all of them were in public. Which means I have.....................no game lol! I'll take self prescribed celibacy for a thousand Alex!
PhillyDude Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 lol! I'll take self prescribed celibacy for a thousand Alex! Two shy people should never be on a date together which was the case
Enema Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 It seems pretty standard that for a 3rd or 4th date you do something just like this date and then have sex. Well, my experience anyway and certainly doesn't suggest "FWB" to me. Been out of the dating pool a while?
CC12 Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 isn't just inviting yourself over to someones home still considered poor manners? It is poor manners. I don't think it's inappropriate to spend time at someone's place after just a few dates if that's what you want to do. Though if he wanted a quiet night in, he should have invited you to his place for it. He's put you in a weird position by inviting himself over. It doesn't make you weird if you don't want to be alone in private like that. Just decline if you don't want to.
Author MsSmurf Posted February 6, 2013 Author Posted February 6, 2013 It seems pretty standard that for a 3rd or 4th date you do something just like this date and then have sex. Well, my experience anyway and certainly doesn't suggest "FWB" to me. Been out of the dating pool a while? I've been single for a little over a year now, but when dating in the past I didn't experience such a standard. The standard for me was date a few months, enter relationship, and then have quiet evenings at home. It didn't seem abnormal because the guys I was dating operated that way and it sounded fine. It doesn't sound abnormal to me now either, but it's good to know how others are doing things because something tells me I'll come across this again as I continue to date. It is poor manners. I don't think it's inappropriate to spend time at someone's place after just a few dates if that's what you want to do. Though if he wanted a quiet night in, he should have invited you to his place for it. He's put you in a weird position by inviting himself over. It doesn't make you weird if you don't want to be alone in private like that. Just decline if you don't want to. Yes I do think he put me in a weird position by inviting himself over. On the other hand I don't want to go to his place at this point either. I think I'm going to go with an earlier posters option of suggesting going out, but for something that is more one on one. I'll just explain to him that I'll extend an invitation when I'm ready to play hostess. While I want to continue to spend time with him I think changing my entire dating style immediately is just a bit much. I guess he'll either go with it or he'll move on.
RogerWallace111 Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 I;m not saying you should have sex but why can you chill at your place and order dinner, watch movies, and maybe have a light makeout? ^This I feel like saying he "invited himself over" misrepresents the situation as that phrase has a certain connotation typically. Yes, in technical terms, he did. He should have simply suggested it or asked how you'd feel about it, and not made any assumptions. But regardless of your feeling about his proposition, I think you should give him the benefit of the doubt. If he's driven an hour to see you three times, and you two more or less are just out, eat dinner and he hits the road, then he's probably looking to have a more comfortable, relaxed time. Less of a business appointment type of date. If I simply hung out with / went on a date with a girl once and could tell she was legitimately cool, I'd be happy to have her over whenever after. Not in hopes of sex, but because it's relaxed and the experience can be a little more tailored to both of your liking. Meaning you have absolute choice in food, drink, activity, volume of conversation, potential for kissing/physicality, music you listen to, movie you watch, etc. Of course do whatever's comfortable for you, I just wouldn't blame him as his suggestion wasn't strange/wrong by many/most people's standards.
RogerWallace111 Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 Sh*t I just like having people over. Female, male, recent acquaintances and long time friends....
CC12 Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 (edited) If he's driven an hour to see you three times, and you two more or less are just out, eat dinner and he hits the road, then he's probably looking to have a more comfortable, relaxed time. Less of a business appointment type of date. There's nothing wrong with that, but if that's what he wanted then he should have invited her over to his place. I feel like saying he "invited himself over" misrepresents the situation as that phrase has a certain connotation typically. I don't think it misrepresents the situation at all. If he said, "Hey, I'd really like to have a relaxing night in. Can we do it at your place?" That is inviting yourself over, and it's impolite to do that. Yes I do think he put me in a weird position by inviting himself over. On the other hand I don't want to go to his place at this point either. I think I'm going to go with an earlier posters option of suggesting going out, but for something that is more one on one. I'll just explain to him that I'll extend an invitation when I'm ready to play hostess. While I want to continue to spend time with him I think changing my entire dating style immediately is just a bit much. I guess he'll either go with it or he'll move on. Sounds reasonable. Good luck! Edited February 6, 2013 by CC12
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