Author insearchofanswers Posted August 27, 2004 Author Posted August 27, 2004 [font=century gothic][/font] Someone may have some helpful info here ... I've been dating a woman for a couple of months now. We're both 33 years old. We've many common values and interests and get along great. Problem arises, She says to me early on, "don't' get attached, let's just have fun", I'm having a problem as I AM getting attached and afraid I may lose her because of this, and although she has occasionally mentioned how one day she'll let me go, she spends much time with me and is very affectionate towards me (we've slowly worked up to having about 2-3 weekdays that we're apart) . Why must she speak one thing and do the complete opposite. I may be crazy, but I'm wondering if she's telling herself NOT to get involved and passing it on to me. She's afraid to start all over again and possibly not ready to fall for someone after a 9 year thing that failed ..... (which BTW she ended after realizing it was going no where) Maybe I'm too hasty to move forward as I tend to rush feelings ... should I have more patience ? or should I just learn to sit back and enjoy the fun we're having ? I feel every relationship I get into ( only a handful) I have to be serious about as it could possibly lead to marriage and a few kids .... this is what I really want. Anyone ?
EnigmaXOXO Posted August 27, 2004 Posted August 27, 2004 I heard somewhere that we only fear that which has hurt us before. I can understand what might be happening here. She's afraid of completely opening herself up and becoming vulnerable again. She's doing her best to avoid being hurt. She figures she's going to prepare herself (emotionally) to jump that ship before giving anyone the opportunity to toss her overboard without warning again. Can't even begin to tell you how many of my female friends (myself included) have given themselves that same silly speech. (The idle rantings of fresh burn victims.) Sadly though, no matter how many times you tell yourself you're not going back into that deep water, no matter how hard you struggle against it… you eventually get swept back up by the current again. I say, give her all the time she needs and don't worry so much. It's too soon. She's not going to bail out unless she finds a good reason. She's simply preparing herself just in case and letting you know in a not-so-subtle way that "you can't hurt me if I stay in shallow end." …even if the only person she's fooling is herself. Keep doing what you're doing and eventually she may come around.
Author insearchofanswers Posted August 28, 2004 Author Posted August 28, 2004 Thank You EnigmaXOXO... That is the nicest thing I've heard in a VERY long time .... Trouble I find with me, I do worry too much about it .... when you think Misses right is on your doorstep, you make certain you do the right thing as much as possible .... this I've not felt ever before, it seems different somehow. I feel she has these feelings as well but is deathly afraid of putting them out there .... (she's hinted at key items .... such as talking with her sisters about how one knows when the right person comes along). She just mentioned to me last night of how she's waiting for me to get tired of her company ... I'm a gentleman with her, she has never been treated in such a way so I also feel she knows it's right but doesn't know what to do with me and these accidentally found feelings for me ... time is on my side.
Author insearchofanswers Posted August 29, 2004 Author Posted August 29, 2004 Women don't usually say "don't get attached to me" .... this is not so common (at least from my experiences) ... I've come to discover that I'm just a "filler" for her, until Mr Right comes around. Apparently she is wanting someone else who may not want her. When you spend some time and look at one's situation from outside of it in it's entirety, putting the pieces of the puzzle together and whether they fit or not, you soon find out exactly where you stand . She is waiting for someone else to come her way, not for me to come her way. It's SOOOO important to occasionally take a look at the relationship as a whole pie from outside (as best as possible) as one can easily become blinded by one part and ignore the others which leads to failure in the end.
moimeme Posted August 29, 2004 Posted August 29, 2004 She is waiting for someone else to come her way, not for me to come her way. Do you know this for a fact or are you just assuming it?
bones1 Posted August 29, 2004 Posted August 29, 2004 i also recently started dating a woman. When we are together she is completely in love...Has only been a month but she speaks of me moving in, falling for me, love, travelling, future, etc etc, and out chemistry was amazing. But when i am not with her , usually 3 or 4 days a week, she is cold, distant, doesnt return calls in a timely manner, etc etc. I asked her why, and she said she is just real busy with works, kids, etc etc, but to me, someone can still find 2 minutes to call if they want to. So i am basically deciding not to call, dont know what else to do
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