Berniep Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 I met a MM back in October I am a MW it was an instant attraction we didnt even talk it was something I have never experienced before. His child goes to the same school as mine we started talking and he said he was a mechanic and happy to fix my car for free he wrote his number down in the back of my childs Homebook. A few weeks later he came to my rescue when I had a blow out he then made excuses to come around my house. Eventually we kissed and after talking established neither of us has cheated before (he was shaking and seemed genuine) we agreed it wouldn't happen again. I didn't see him for a few weeks then he came and said he didn't want it to end like it did. We started an affair. At first the sex was awkward but as we have got to know each other has become great. Now for the confusing bit is he a player or falling in love and scared the reason I ask is... Everything was going great he was spending more time at mine than his own house, his children were introduced to me as a friend and he moved a car he was working on into my garage to have an excuse to be here (he always tells his wife where he is she even drops him off). We spent an evening cuddled up and he told me he is a simple person who just likes to give and receive love, he also played me the song more than words. I didn't really respond just kissed him. He came around a few more times then one day he didn't turn up, he said BW seen some of our facebook conversations and told him to back off as we were flirting too much and that night told him he would never see his children again and left she did return but is very suspicious. He has been really odd since the passion is still there and he bear hugs me when hes stressed, he said I cause him confusion and that he's torn. He hurt my feelings a week ago and in response said he would tell BW everything. He has never said he loves me and I have never told him. The contact has dwindled to once a week and he stares at me and goes very quiet, he also goes quiet after sex, looks upset and he wont look at me. He also say's he is scared of falling in love with me, yet last week he was discussing being together and I said it was far too soon and we would discuss in 12 months if things were good. I love this man and would love to be with him. I have said I don't want to take him from his family or guilt him into leaving but I am confused as to whether he is already in love with me or playing me (a small niggle in back of my mind). I'm sorry its soo long I have never been in a situation like this before and have not had anyone to confide in.
eleanorrigby Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 Sounds like a d-day that he was able to smooth over slightly. Now he's trying to figure out how to get back into position with the two of you and continue business as usual.
promises Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 Sounds like a d-day that he was able to smooth over slightly. Now he's trying to figure out how to get back into position with the two of you and continue business as usual. Agreed. And, he for sure has done this before.
Author Berniep Posted February 5, 2013 Author Posted February 5, 2013 Agreed. And, he for sure has done this before. I believe him when he said he hasn't cheated before, he was very genuine. When we first kissed he was trembling from head to toe he was extremely nervous and was really sincere after and was really upset.
promises Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 'he told me he is a simple person who just likes to give and receive love, he also played me the song more than words.'
RickFox Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 seems to me you are both playing each other. Haven't seen you once mention concern for the pain this will cause your H. Been there done that...have stock in selfishness. You need to open your eyes a bit more. 2
eleanorrigby Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 I love this man and would love to be with him. I have said I don't want to take him from his family or guilt him into leaving but I am confused as to whether he is already in love with me or playing me (a small niggle in back of my mind). He most likely does love you. What do you think might change if this is confirmed?
Author Berniep Posted February 5, 2013 Author Posted February 5, 2013 He most likely does love you. What do you think might change if this is confirmed? Talk about the future, make plans, I think we are both afraid to admit how we feel. We both have 3 children and OH's which of course we will need to talk to.
Author Berniep Posted February 5, 2013 Author Posted February 5, 2013 I will be later in the year, my husband is already aware I'm no longer in love with him and I want a divorce, we do talk regularly he is a good man. It won't be happening immediately as my neither my H or I are in a financial position to go our own ways at the moment. We get on fantastic but have sadly turned into a friendship kind of love from me, he knows MM and they talk when they see each other, however he is unaware of our affair. My divorce has nothing to do with MM it will be happening as its what is best for my H and I.
Decorative Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 Agreed. And, he for sure has done this before. You betcha. And come on, OP. why on earth do you assume you get the truth while his wife didn't? He committed to her and was dishonest. You're not above that. And also? Seriously? More Than Words? Is he seducing you via a time machine? Does he have a mullet, too? LOL 2
loredo21 Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 You betcha. And come on, OP. why on earth do you assume you get the truth while his wife didn't? He committed to her and was dishonest. You're not above that. And also? Seriously? More Than Words? Is he seducing you via a time machine? Does he have a mullet, too? LOL HAHAHA!
eleanorrigby Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 I will be later in the year, my husband is already aware I'm no longer in love with him and I want a divorce, we do talk regularly he is a good man. It won't be happening immediately as my neither my H or I are in a financial position to go our own ways at the moment. We get on fantastic but have sadly turned into a friendship kind of love from me, he knows MM and they talk when they see each other, however he is unaware of our affair. My divorce has nothing to do with MM it will be happening as its what is best for my H and I. Do you think that when MM's BW and your husband find out what was going on that it will cause problems? What about your kids?
Author Berniep Posted February 5, 2013 Author Posted February 5, 2013 Do you think that when MM's BW and your husband find out what was going on that it will cause problems? What about your kids? It's bound to cause upset and its not something I would rush into. The kids are all still young (5 would be under 5), my children know him and I know his children, they play together often. They will be confused and upset to begin with but I think if handled correctly and sensitively it will work out. My husband is a good man and regardless to how upset he was he would work with me to ensure they were OK. I am not so sure about BW to be honest, she has already threatened him with the children so if he decided to leave we would have to consider this together in greater detail. If they discovered the affair sooner we would have to sit down and have an honest and open discussion
loredo21 Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 It's bound to cause upset and its not something I would rush into. The kids are all still young (5 would be under 5), my children know him and I know his children, they play together often. They will be confused and upset to begin with but I think if handled correctly and sensitively it will work out. My husband is a good man and regardless to how upset he was he would work with me to ensure they were OK. I am not so sure about BW to be honest, she has already threatened him with the children so if he decided to leave we would have to consider this together in greater detail. If they discovered the affair sooner we would have to sit down and have an honest and open discussion I have a similar situation. I have an amazing H and he has supported me even through the affair. Sounds odd, but he has. BW was not so kind. Just want to be sure you know what you are in for? If she finds out she may not be as understanding as your H. THEN all hell will break loose! BW finds out, threatens him, and HE WILL throw you under the bus. he will. As much as we like to think our situation is "special", take a look at some of the other threads here. It is an eyeopening reality check that the vast majority of these MOM say the same things, do all the right things, and then leave the OW high and dry in the end. It's been 6months for me and H has for whatever unbelievable reason has decided to forgive me and give me a second chance. And now I am more confused than ever. I thought for sure H and I would be divorcing as well. I thought all along that's what I wanted. Then reality start to hit. I wish you all the best on figuring things out, because god bless it, I do not wish these feelings and confusion on anyone. 3
Decorative Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 It's bound to cause upset and its not something I would rush into. The kids are all still young (5 would be under 5), my children know him and I know his children, they play together often. They will be confused and upset to begin with but I think if handled correctly and sensitively it will work out. My husband is a good man and regardless to how upset he was he would work with me to ensure they were OK. I am not so sure about BW to be honest, she has already threatened him with the children so if he decided to leave we would have to consider this together in greater detail. If they discovered the affair sooner we would have to sit down and have an honest and open discussion Gently- how do you know she threatened him? Unless you heard it from her- assume it's not true. He's manipulating you. He's too practiced. If you want to leave your marriage - then that is a step you should absolutely take. But do that completely independently of this man. And also- if you are found out- it's not going to be a happy sitdown and calm conversation. People who have been betrayed are in deep pain. It's a horrible thing- something I would not wish on my worst enemy. Just things to think about. 2
eleanorrigby Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 It appears that your upcoming separation and divorce is going to be reasonable. Why potentially complicate things for a man you have only known 4 months? Since your husband is a good man, why not give him his due on the way out and put your affair on the back burner until you finish your business? (or at least let him know for sure that for the remainder of your marriage, you want different rules.) Besides that, now that your MM appears to have had a D-day, the affair is probably not going to be that much fun anymore anyway. Your kids needs you already, but they'll need you even more when your divorce becomes a reality to them. It's unfair to them to be distracted with "new love" feelings. You can see already how overwhelming those feelings are, and where your mind and priorities are. If I understand your situation correctly and if I were in your shoes, I'd give my MM a date in the future, one year from now when the divorce is over, to see if he wants to reconnect.
2sure Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 If you and your husband have agreed that divorce is best ...but will not be financially able to so for one year..? Has he agreed? What are the two of you doing to prepare financially for divorce? Are any other aspects in place? In one year you will have an attorneys fees, a divorce will take a year from that. So....would you be hiding things from your husband until then? Does MM know how you feel and what's happening in the next year?
Decorative Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 Also- if you've decided on divorce, you can tell your spouse about your MM, right? If your marital relationship is over save for the paperwork, and you are in agreement, then you can tell your husband now, correct? 1
2sure Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 You are having an affair with a guy you encourage to talk to your husband and bring his kids around yours. If your husband and you are so up front , You need to tell him. This thing you're doing to him is way more of a betrayal than having sex with someone else. 1
eleanorrigby Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 What are you going to tell your kids? What has MM got planned to tell his? It might be very hurtful for his three kids to watch him move out of their home to move in with the other 3 kids and lady they have met.
Lillyfree Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 What are you going to tell your kids? What has MM got planned to tell his? It might be very hurtful for his three kids to watch him move out of their home to move in with the other 3 kids and lady they have met. i didn't see anywhere that MM plans to leave his family, so OP could be jumping the gun a bit if she plans to divorce in order to be with him - as 'more than words' does not a proposal make.
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