calgary Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 she's depressed.. she texts me and asks how things are. she's not doing too good at all. she's really struggling it's obvious when you look at her that she's really down right now. she told me she'd love to go for dinner but doesn't feel like she's in a position to be in a relationship with the way she's feeling about life right now so she doesn't want to get my hopes up or anything she just doesn't feel it's fair to bring me down with her... I am genuinely concerned about this girl. it's actually more upsetting for me to see her on the verge of tears than it is to know she doesn't want to be with me. I need advice. if she doesn't want me anymore is she none of my concern? if I stand by her and make an effort with her maybe slowly things will pick up again ? has anybody had a partner who suffered from depression ? it's weird, i'm used to ex's who dump me going off and trying to make me jealous and showing me how happy they are without me and not getting in contact. I do find it strange she comes to me and not friends or family. I just don't want to be strung along.. maybe she is actually ok? but by doing this she knows I still care and will be a shoulder to cry on ? whilst she goes off and meets other guys? I know that sounds bad if she is actually telling the truth about her depression, but I've been stung too many times by other people.
Ladybugz Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 anyway dont be there for her hoping for her to take you back. she approached you just as a friend. noting more. if you are you are if you are not let her know and inform her closest family member.
TaraMaiden Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 I can understand how torn you feel, but I'm inclined to urge you stick with No Contact. Look, first of all, it's unfair of her to put so much reliance on you. Realistically, you don't owe her anything. Your relationship is over, and to be honest, being in a relationship with her would create a toxic situation. She says she has a lot of crap in her life right now, and can't be in a relationship with you - but she has no qualms leaning on you for support. And look at the way you're feeling. She doesn't want to bring you down with her - but isn't that exactly where you're heading? That, is grossly unfair. She's depending on your good nature. She's getting the best of you, without you getting anything good of her. You - Cannot - Fix - Her. If she needs counselling or support, she needs someone trained, detached and professional. Someone who can tell the difference between genuine mental stress and depression, and 'I'm loading it onto you, because I know you have feelings for me, and you'll take it." There is so much in your post I could quote and refer to - but in short, she's taking advantage of you. And sadly, you're lapping it up because you believe she needs you and wants you there. She definitely needs something - but you really are the last person she should call on. And really, it's eating you away, and killing you again, over and over. You have to stop this. it will be like an amputation with no painkillers - and there's no easy way of doing it - but you have to do it.
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 she's depressed.. she texts me and asks how things are. she's not doing too good at all. she's really struggling it's obvious when you look at her that she's really down right now. she told me she'd love to go for dinner but doesn't feel like she's in a position to be in a relationship with the way she's feeling about life right now so she doesn't want to get my hopes up or anything she just doesn't feel it's fair to bring me down with her... I am genuinely concerned about this girl. it's actually more upsetting for me to see her on the verge of tears than it is to know she doesn't want to be with me. I need advice. if she doesn't want me anymore is she none of my concern? if I stand by her and make an effort with her maybe slowly things will pick up again ? has anybody had a partner who suffered from depression ? it's weird, i'm used to ex's who dump me going off and trying to make me jealous and showing me how happy they are without me and not getting in contact. I do find it strange she comes to me and not friends or family. I just don't want to be strung along.. maybe she is actually ok? but by doing this she knows I still care and will be a shoulder to cry on ? whilst she goes off and meets other guys? I know that sounds bad if she is actually telling the truth about her depression, but I've been stung too many times by other people. Been here. TRUST me, it doesn't matter. You are the emotional tampon currently for her. She knows you care and she is not oblivious to it....there are these types too and they are different than the ones who makes you jealous, but not by much. The whole "I dont want to bring you down with me" is a load of BS. I was fed the same lines as well......If they were "so depressed" wouldn't seeing you make them happy? If you are worried about being stung along (which I think you are), you need to not talk to her. Let her "grieve" on her own. Why did she break up with you? What was her reasons?
Author calgary Posted February 5, 2013 Author Posted February 5, 2013 Been here. TRUST me, it doesn't matter. You are the emotional tampon currently for her. She knows you care and she is not oblivious to it....there are these types too and they are different than the ones who makes you jealous, but not by much. The whole "I dont want to bring you down with me" is a load of BS. I was fed the same lines as well......If they were "so depressed" wouldn't seeing you make them happy? If you are worried about being stung along (which I think you are), you need to not talk to her. Let her "grieve" on her own. Why did she break up with you? What was her reasons? hey I agree it's how I think she's playing this. I broke it off because she was flirting with guys in clubs infront of me and I hated it. she was holding hands with ' guy friends' whilst talking and stuff. that to me is unacceptable... and during this time she wasn't as loving towards me as she used to be. a week after we broke up she went out with the intentions of hooking up with a guy who didn't go out that night.. she got drunk and told everyone how devastated she was that he wasn't out. ( everyone told me.. apparently they told him too) I think she might actually be seeing him im not sure and I don't like to presume things. it helped me go into no contact easily.. but then we had to exchange stuff we'd left at each others places.. so we grabbed a coffee and she offered to stay friends. I said I couldn't do it and that this would be the last time I see her as I would ideally like a relationship or nothing.. no middle ground.. she got a little upset. I drove away. week later I go to a club she grabs me whilst i'm too drunk almost she's almost crying I can't remember the exact conversation but she told me she was depressed and her life got rough and that we should go for dinner to talk whilst we're sober.. so she text me the next day asking how my night was etc hoped things were good, small talk pleasantries.. she's returning my old phone tomorrow. so i'm not going to say anything about dinner, if she wants to do something she'll mention it , if not I should leave her alone. I feel so messed about. but youre right when I was going through a rought time I depended on her to cheer me up I guess I became a bit clingy and needy back then but I had been to 3 funerals. thank you for your input ! I feel as though the depression talk is just to get my attention since I keep leaving her alone. but then I wonder why she wants my attention still? why does she still want meee in her life ? of all people. especially if she's seeing somebody else why would she want to go for dinner or text me ?
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