egalew Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 It's been a little shy of two months since my exMM dumped me. And though I've posted a lot, my story in a nutshell: we were heavily involved for a year. He was in a bad marriage for years and finally the wife, suspecting an affair, threw him out and they were in the process of divorce. I suspect he used the affair as part of his exit strategy. One week before X-mas he has a "meltdown." The realization that he would have to live on his own, pay his own bill, and by golly cook his own meals became too much. Thus, he dumped me. Given the break up was so abrupt and sudden (no warning), it's been especially hard. I haven't contacted him, though as you've may have seen from old posts have contemplated it. I am doing everything possible to move foward. Lots of reading of self help books, praying, meditation, therapy, keeping busy. However, underneath it all I'm still very, very hurt and sad, and very cynical toward men. (I've have "caught" so many married men I know online, pretending to be single, it's rather pathetic.) I'm tying to date But I see myself thinking: "Oh, that's just a line to **** me...." or "Should I believe him?" or "Is this another guy who is going to get all hot and excited for me to dump me six weeks from now." Sadly, I don't know if I can ever trust men again. I know enough to know my feelings are not healthy. How did others move forward? 1
promises Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 I don't think that there is a right answer here. Other than you are doing the best you can and taking care of your self.
thefooloftheyear Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 I don't think that there is a right answer here. Other than you are doing the best you can and taking care of your self. I agree... I sympathize and it really hurts, but that can happen whether you are involved with a married or single person. You cant use this as a way to "give up". I think everyone feels the same way you do when you are on the "losing" enbd of the deal.... Just hang in there. TFOY
Yellowteacup Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 I'd probably spend more time getting to know "me" again than worrying about my ex or finding another guy.
Gibson_Girl Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 I agree with yellow teacup.get to know yourself again. Can you remember what you were like prior to getting involved with your XMM? Are you the same woman; do you recognize her? If so, congrats! This post is about you, not me, all I'm saying is that I don't recognize who I am anymore, never thought I'd be the OW and it's changed me permanently. Get to be comfortable in your own skin and who you are and then, the magic will happen, at least that's what I choose to believe. It's the only hope I have of ever becoming whole again.
Author egalew Posted February 5, 2013 Author Posted February 5, 2013 Gibson Girl, why do you say you don't recognize you anymore? In the 2 months since the exMM life, thing have become calmer. He created a lot of unncessary drama and excitement. Still the affair touched a part of me like nothing before. I've had some really tough things happen to me, and rolled with the punches. However, this has really got me. The person I am not is very much guarded.
stevie_23 Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 I can definitely see how this can happen. It hasn’t happened to me personally, but then, I’ve always sort of held myself at arm’s length a lot in terms of trusting people. I take a long time to let go and let people in deeply. Anyway, I think for you it’ll just take time. Maybe a long time. And as previously mentioned, spending some time on you, re-discovering who you are, what you need to be truly happy and fulfilled, what stimulates and interests you, what is your passion, will be a really good idea. Eventually, if you’re interested, you will slowly open up again to a man…and HOPEFULLY you will be better placed in terms of knowing yourself VERY well, and the man will be a mirror of you and thus, a GOOD man.
Gibson_Girl Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 Gibson Girl, why do you say you don't recognize you anymore? In the 2 months since the exMM life, thing have become calmer. He created a lot of unncessary drama and excitement. Still the affair touched a part of me like nothing before. I've had some really tough things happen to me, and rolled with the punches. However, this has really got me. The person I am not is very much guarded. Because the person I used to be would never have done what I've done. No matter how much I try to put a spin on it, no one made me have an A, I willingly forged ahead after a lame attempt to cease and desist before we went too far. I've been cheated on multiple times and know what it feels like to be betrayed, yet, here I am. My values, standards, and compassion for other people...I'm just someone I used to know now. How I got to the place where I'd accept borrowing another woman's husband, choosing to believe what may or may not be bull$!+, but I've chosen to believe "I'm the exception". I know it's delusional to feel this way, but I'm in full-on Jim Jones'ing (I drank the kool-aid). Who the hell does that??? Apparently I do. I don't know her. I lost myself in a terrible marriage that should've never taken place and I'm in an affair that needs to end but I don't have the ovaries to woman-up and do the right thing. I'm sorry I hijacked your thread!
GreyhoundtoNowhere Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 Because the person I used to be would never have done what I've done. No matter how much I try to put a spin on it, no one made me have an A, I willingly forged ahead after a lame attempt to cease and desist before we went too far. I've been cheated on multiple times and know what it feels like to be betrayed, yet, here I am. My values, standards, and compassion for other people...I'm just someone I used to know now. How I got to the place where I'd accept borrowing another woman's husband, choosing to believe what may or may not be bull$!+, but I've chosen to believe "I'm the exception". I know it's delusional to feel this way, but I'm in full-on Jim Jones'ing (I drank the kool-aid). Who the hell does that??? Apparently I do. I don't know her. I lost myself in a terrible marriage that should've never taken place and I'm in an affair that needs to end but I don't have the ovaries to woman-up and do the right thing. I'm sorry I hijacked your thread! I could have written this post. Exactly. 1
whichwayisup Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 Forget men all together now and just let yourself go through the motions of grieving the loss. 2 months isn't that long..Reconnect with your women friends, and surround yourself with people who DO care about you and make you feel good.
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