leahnc Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 Ok, so my situation is a little complicated, isnt everyone's? LOL. I am technically (legally) still married, basically waiting on paperwork. However in the separation agreement my ex and I had, we are to be considered as "single free people" living "separate lives and apart with no intention of reconciliation" and to add to that fact, we were only married 1 year and have no children. Suffice it to say that being young, (30) and having just gone through that experience, it took me a little while to recover. About 7 months after we legally and fully separated, (after months of living like roomates) I met someone despite the fact that I was in no way looking for anyone or anything. I met this guy Brian through a mutual (casual) friend. He and I hit it off from the get go and quickly began dating, we spend a lot of time together. Probably 4 nights a week at least, and the rest of the week one of us is either away or I stay at my house (we both travel frequently for business) In any event, about a month ago (so 3 months in) we were out and having some drinks and laughs and I was a bit buzzed but not drunk. Brian said something that I cant remember now, but it was really cute, and I looked at him and said "Oh my gosh, I love you" and even though I completely did NOT mean for it to come out that way, I clearly couldnt undo what had been done. Yes, I have strong feelings for him, and love, but have not brought the subject up since that night because the aftermath that evening of me saying "I love you" was a disagreement between us. He brought up the fact that "You arent even divorced yet!" and at one point he had even said he was not sure what (if any) serious future we would have together for some logistical reasons, (our schedules, my political affiliation etc.) which seem like excuses. Well, since then, we obviously made up and things have been really great. I have never brought up that subject of "love" again and even after that night he told me he was really sorry he had said those things and that NOW, yes, he definitely could see a future with me. The other thing is that, when he is away, I often will watch his dog for him, which includes staying at his house (something I dont like very much with him not there) but he is always so thankful about it, and always does something nice after I watch the dog like taking me out to dinner. I guess my questions is: Is my divorce what could be holding him back? If the divorce were finalized tomorrow (which is quite possible) would that change something for him? Should I wait for him to fall in love with me? Or is he just buying time so he wont have to have the "breakup" talk with me? How long do I stick around, or should I even EVER bring the subject up again? Also, we never use terms like "boyfriend, or girlfriend" but we have both agreed we are "exclusive"
xpaperxcutx Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 You need to hold your horses and stop rushing. You're not legally divorced yet and you're already jumping into a " relationship" that doesn't even have a title? What happened to giving yourself time to heal and be single?
Author leahnc Posted February 6, 2013 Author Posted February 6, 2013 I can see what you are saying, but this was all a timing issue. I was fully content being single for a while and then he and I met. Im not about to let go of something I think has great potential just because some textbook psychoanalysis of divorce says I "need" to wait _____ Months/years before meeting someone. I dont plan my life that way I guess..
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