galv Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 So, here is the full story: We dated for a little bit over two years, we were each others first loves, first relationships, etc. In mid-august of 2010 she broke up with me. I was a mess and did the begging, pleading, etc. seeing as I didn't know any better. A couple months later she started seeing someone else and I continued my unattractive behavior. We really did love each other and even despite my behavior she slept with me and then broke it off with the new guy to give us another try, she was very confused and we only saw each other once before she went running back to him. Couple months later, same thing happened again. Eventually in Summer 2011 he broke up with her because of me. A few months after that we saw each other at a party and everything was great. She ended up going home with me that night. She told me that she still had feelings for me, and I told her that it was mutual. Later that week I think she was trying to play it cool and said that we shouldn't be sleepign together, but also said she might consider a date next week. I ended up meeting someone that weekend and took her out instead. My ex texted me asking why I didn't ask her out and I told her that something came up but we could meet up for lunch, so we did. We had a nice lunch and had a big hug afterwards and then she had to go to Portugal for a week. While she was away I started a relationship with the new girl that I had met, since I wasn't sure that my ex wanted to be together again and I really liked the new girl. However after some time this feeling wore off for me, but not for the new girl, I struggled with coming to terms with having to do to her what my ex did to me, and delayed the breakup. I eventually did it a few months later, I had now been with this girl for a little bit over a year. Almost immediately (a few days) my ex contacted me. We started talking and it felt almost like old times except that we hadn't seen each other yet, I needed some time to get over the past relationship but didn't tell her this (stupidly). It took me about a month and a half, and then I was finally ready to see her. I went to where I knew she would be (we have all the same friends) and then found out that she had started seeing someone a week prior... I was crushed. I e-mailed her the next day and told her how I felt and that I thought we would be getting back together, and she told me that its not fair to say this to her now, and that she waited for me for over a year, crying herself to sleep, wanting nobody but me, and that when I broke up with the other girl I didn't seem like I wanted to be with her again. I know I should've told her why I had waited, but hind-sight is 20-20, I just didn't want to put any pressure on this situation. Any way, she really likes the new guy, but admittedly doesn't know him too well yet. Apparently the week before she met him is when she had decided that I didn't want her, and she started trying to move on. So question #1, do you think that he is a rebound seeing as she only tried to move on for about a week and then he was the first person she met since? There are other signs as well as they also seem to be moving very fast/recklessly (they have been together for three weeks now). The Friday after I first saw her and found out about the new relationship she asked if we could talk on the phone, and I agreed. We talked for about 40 minutes (I know I should have cut it shorter but I was enjoying it too much). At the end she got very emotional and said how much she missed me, I returned the gesture. And then another time she texted me saying that she doesn't want to believe in signs if they mean that we aren't meant to be together. But she has cooled down since that initial phase. Second part of the story -- we have all the same friends. So, no surprise to me we were at the same superbowl party and her new bf was there also. I've known him for a while but not well, seen him around here and there, he's a good guy and I like him, he kinda reminds me of myself in some ways to be honest (Possibly another rebound sign?). Anyway it was a fairly small gathering and her and her bf got there late and ended up sitting very close to me. We were all chatting and joking the whole time, me and my ex were flirting like crazy, and she kept gazing into my eyes "lovingly" with a smile for extended periods of time, as well as making subtle physical contact (and not so subtle - slapping my thigh when I made a joke at her expense over and over again). I know she was as excited to see me as I was to see her and we really connected just as if we had never been apart. I noticed her bf didn't look too thrilled when he noticed us staring into each others eyes... I really hope he said something about it later, if he is jealous it will only make him less attractive to her. Anyway, all-in-all a good night, but she is very difficult to read, she if very flirtatious in general, so I don't know that I can read into anything, although I thought the eye-gazing was the only thing that might be substantial. Since Sunday, she signed online first thing on Monday morning to say how good it was to see me and that she hoped I had a good time, I waited a bit, and she actually signed off before i responded, but she signed back on later and received the message and then replied asking if I had seen a picture from the party, I said I hadn't yet (I really had lol) and asked if it was any good? She said yes its very candid, you and I are both laughing (the picture is of a few of us hanging out laughing, her boyfriend is cut out of it and her and I are clearly laughing together). Very confusing night for me, although very entertaining as well. So, I suppose question #2 is do you think our interaction that night shows any promise? I realize I will have to wait a bit before they actually break up IF they ever do, but anything that could lead to that is fine by me. B/f potentially jealous, her gazing into my eyes and flirting with me all night, etc... does that mean anythign or do you think that she is just trying to have her cake and eat it too? Thanks for listening, I know it was a long one. ~galv
Author galv Posted February 5, 2013 Author Posted February 5, 2013 Thanks for the encouragement Oscar Also, I did have something else I forgot to ask. Given this situation, should I go No/Limited Contact for a while? Or should I keep in contact to try and keep her confused about the new relationship?
Author galv Posted February 5, 2013 Author Posted February 5, 2013 Okay, so now I have a giant pit in my stomach. She posted a joke on his Facebook wall about how all his profile pictures are him with fish and guns and playfully saying that she's never showing him to any of her friends again. So, that's new fun, she's showing him off to her friends. Then at about the same time, she added some new favorite quote to her profile: 'Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs.' ~Chrissy - age 6 So, now I am worried as hell, need to know if I should text her (obviously not alluding to any of this), and if so what I should text her... or if its better not to and just keep no contact
Author galv Posted February 6, 2013 Author Posted February 6, 2013 UPDATE: I did not contact her and I am not going to. Here is the conclusion that I have come to, and I hope it is helpful for others. Given her actions at the Superbowl: I know that she still has strong feelings for me, just like I had strong feelings for her when I was with somebody else. Her lack of contact this week with me and overcompensation for publicly showing off her boyfriend wreaks of 'making amends' with him for how she acted on Sunday. I get the impression he may have said something to her, especially due to the fact that we were parked next to each other and got to the cars at the same time, and he peeled the **** out of there faster than I could even sit down in my car lol. Anyway, if he said anything to her about me and how she acted, that only helps my case. But despite all that, I had to be ready for the other relationship to be over to actually want it to be over. If it ended before I was ready, I would always wonder... and that would not have boded well for me and my ex in the long-term. Now the tables have turned, and if we are to have any future together, she needs to be ready for her relationship to be over to not carry doubts about what could have been into our potential future. I think its important to note that NOBODY would ever ditch out on a relationship during the honey moon phase. So the fact that she is enjoying her relationship right now doesn't mean anything at this point. A year down the road... now that's a different story. Its tough, but it helps when you realize that she is not some Goddess with the resolve of Teddy Roosevelt. As much as she may be enjoying her new relationship, she is only human. I will never be far from her thoughts, and when the novelty of the new relationship wears off who knows, maybe there wasn't much else there. Its easy to fall into the downward spiral that you have to keep yourself in her mind at all costs, but the truth is that you already are in her thoughts, and in fact you will probably be there more often with the less contact you have. For instance, whenever she would contact me while I was in my other relationship, I would breathe a sigh of relief that I still had more time to see this through, all contact does is give someone a sense of security and ease their thoughts so that they can continue on doing what they are doing. She has told me that our time together was the happiest two years of her life, and that's not just something you forget about. We are on great terms, and we left off with both of us believing that we were each others soul mates. That's not the kind of thing that is easily forgotten, I know that from first-hand experience while I was dating someone else. The only thing left to do now is just continue on with my life, and if they ever break-up, hopefully I'll be there for her when she is ready. However, there are no guarantees as I may meet someone before then, but then that wouldn't be the worst thing in the world now would it?
Author galv Posted February 6, 2013 Author Posted February 6, 2013 (edited) And as for anything you may seen between a girl and her new boyfriend on social networking sites... what did you expect? That she was going to ignore him and barely talk to him or spend time with him? I'd be doing the same thing if I was with someone, it really doesn't mean anything in regards to how little or how much they like him, they are obviously going to try to make something out of it, otherwise what would be the point of dating them? Keep things in perspective. Edited February 6, 2013 by galv UPDATE
Recommended Posts