candie13 Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 It doesn't make any sense, why would he add a new pic if his profile is hidden? And how come you can see it?
MissApple Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 It doesn't make any sense, why would he add a new pic if his profile is hidden? And how come you can see it? I don't know why he added a new pic. Some friends said maybe he got bored or something or hes trying to get a reaction from me since my profile is open and his is hidden but afraid to bring up about hiding my profile or deleting our accounts. I can see his profile if I find the old message he has sent me before. From there I can click on his profile. That's the only way I can see his it or if I added him to my favorites.
candie13 Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 well, in that case, game over, go talk to him, ask all of your questions (as in the dreaded "talk") and propose that you end the OLD. Put the ball in his court and end the drama! cheers and tell us how it goes!
MissApple Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 well, in that case, game over, go talk to him, ask all of your questions (as in the dreaded "talk") and propose that you end the OLD. Put the ball in his court and end the drama! cheers and tell us how it goes! What do you think should I tell him? How do I start?
candie13 Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 Well, the main thing is not to accuse him of anything, put him with the back against the wall or make any ultimatums. I suggest you start with dinner and a glass of wine and slowly bring the conversation to the dating site and how you two met. That you feel really good with him and with how things go, that he makes you uber happy and he is thoughtful... and that since the two of you are exclusive anyway, why wouldn't you just deactivate your both the OLD profile. That you don't want to pressure him into anything, but since you are exclusive, you just don't see the use of keeping your profile open... since you still get messages and stuff and it's making you uncomfortable. You can be flirty and ask if he got any new messages, now that he had his new fancy picture - just drop it in, casually, in the conversation, no accusations, no questions - ask if anyone good looking contacted him, since he's so dashing in that picture, a few jokes to loosen up the tense atmosphere ... See how he reacts and what he says. Just be honest and open. That's how I'd do it!
MissApple Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 Well, the main thing is not to accuse him of anything, put him with the back against the wall or make any ultimatums. I suggest you start with dinner and a glass of wine and slowly bring the conversation to the dating site and how you two met. That you feel really good with him and with how things go, that he makes you uber happy and he is thoughtful... and that since the two of you are exclusive anyway, why wouldn't you just deactivate your both the OLD profile. That you don't want to pressure him into anything, but since you are exclusive, you just don't see the use of keeping your profile open... since you still get messages and stuff and it's making you uncomfortable. You can be flirty and ask if he got any new messages, now that he had his new fancy picture - just drop it in, casually, in the conversation, no accusations, no questions - ask if anyone good looking contacted him, since he's so dashing in that picture, a few jokes to loosen up the tense atmosphere ... See how he reacts and what he says. Just be honest and open. That's how I'd do it! That sounds like a good idea. Why do you think he added the picture? Is he trying to get a reaction from me so I would initiate the "lets delete our OLD profile" talk?
Sanctionne Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 I would take it as a red flag. However my question is why did your friend log into her profile if she's so happy w/this guy? Was it out of boredom? if so that could be the reason he updated his profile pic. Could be nothing, or could be that neither of them is happy w/the relationship. If they both value the relationship that much then they should talk about it like adults and if they choose to continue dating both parties should remove their profile out of respect for the other person.
candie13 Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 That sounds like a good idea. Why do you think he added the picture? Is he trying to get a reaction from me so I would initiate the "lets delete our OLD profile" talk? you think he wants to manipulate you into having this conversation? does it matter? The most important thing is the outcome of your conversation. As for the photo, if he is that legit as you say he it, I'd give him the benefit of the doubt. I think he didn't think that much of it. Some guys need an ego boost once in a while... I may be wrong. Be very careful as to how he reacts, that will give you all your answers: does he look guilty? uncomfortable? Irritated? and match that with what he's saying. His words, his gestures... easy.
MissApple Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 you think he wants to manipulate you into having this conversation? does it matter? The most important thing is the outcome of your conversation. As for the photo, if he is that legit as you say he it, I'd give him the benefit of the doubt. I think he didn't think that much of it. Some guys need an ego boost once in a while... I may be wrong. Be very careful as to how he reacts, that will give you all your answers: does he look guilty? uncomfortable? Irritated? and match that with what he's saying. His words, his gestures... easy. Also, I'm not sure if its relevant. I was out with friends one night while he was out with his friends too. The next day, when he texted me I told him I mentioned about him to my friends because they asked if I was seeing anyone. He already mentioned me to his friends and showed picture of me. I told him friends asked for his picture but I didn't have anything to show them. I didn't ask him to send me any pictures but he texted me a couple of them. One of the picture was the one he uploaded on his profile. Then he said, " I hope you said good things about me".
candie13 Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 Also, I'm not sure if its relevant. I was out with friends one night while he was out with his friends too. The next day, when he texted me I told him I mentioned about him to my friends because they asked if I was seeing anyone. He already mentioned me to his friends and showed picture of me. I told him friends asked for his picture but I didn't have anything to show them. I didn't ask him to send me any pictures but he texted me a couple of them. One of the picture was the one he uploaded on his profile. Then he said, " I hope you said good things about me". excellent. Now you just need to pick up the courage to talk to him about OLD and finish that business !
Casablanca Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 What's a conversation going to accomplish? They aren't bf/gf at this point. And it's not going to inspire him to commit to her. Probably the opposite. Ninjapajamas is right on with this one. She should start dating other people since he is obviously aiming to. A conversation can confirm if she doesnt want to see him anymore. If he doesnt want to be exclusive, but she does then she should probably just move on
Cutiepie1976 Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 (edited) Trying very hard to understand what you are fighting for here... What does dating exclusively but not BF/GF even mean? I've had guys ask me to be their GF after a second or third date. I think the longest it's ever taken a guy to ask me was five weeks...and I date a lot. They just seem to know what they want IME. On the surface, it seems to me that you are Ms. Right Now This Moment while he looks for something better. I'm not sure what you seek out of dating. That should determine your response to your dilemma. Understand that the photo is not the real issue. The ambiguity of where you stand with him is. You don't seem to have a relationship, but rather a play on semantics to get in your pants for now, while he continues his search in some way. For me personally, it would be my cue to walk. This is going nowhere, and all the game playing in the world will not get him to stay the minute something better crosses his path and shows him interest. You can't make someone like you. You can't make someone love you. You can't trick them into feeling something that they really don't. IMO, most guys looking for a relationship seem to decide very early on whether you have potential or are just good for the moment. How you handle things depends on what you hoped for with him. Insist he take down this profile when he doesn't want to, and he may disable this one to keep you from leaving and show up on other dating sites or under a different user name. The description of your arrangement speaks to his level of investment and his true feelings. For me personally, my time would be better spent elsewhere. Everyone is different. Your goals may be different. Good luck! Edited February 6, 2013 by Cutiepie1976
Eternal Sunshine Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 I am kind of puzzled by the fact that this guy has a private profile and blurry pictures. Are you sure he is not married or has a gf already?
MissApple Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 Trying very hard to understand what you are fighting for here... What does dating exclusively but not BF/GF even mean? I've had guys ask me to be their GF after a second or third date. I think the longest it's ever taken a guy to ask me was five weeks...and I date a lot. They just seem to know what they want IME. On the surface, it seems to me that you are Ms. Right Now This Moment while he looks for something better. I'm not sure what you seek out of dating. That should determine your response to your dilemma. Understand that the photo is not the real issue. The ambiguity of where you stand with him is. You don't seem to have a relationship, but rather a play on semantics to get in your pants for now, while he continues his search in some way. For me personally, it would be my cue to walk. This is going nowhere, and all the game playing in the world will not get him to stay the minute something better crosses his path and shows him interest. You can't make someone like you. You can't make someone love you. You can't trick them into feeling something that they really don't. IMO, most guys looking for a relationship seem to decide very early on whether you have potential or are just good for the moment. How you handle things depends on what you hoped for with him. Insist he take down this profile when he doesn't want to, and he may disable this one to keep you from leaving and show up on other dating sites or under a different user name. The description of your arrangement speaks to his level of investment and his true feelings. For me personally, my time would be better spent elsewhere. Everyone is different. Your goals may be different. Good luck! Actually, he said that he really likes me and he wouldn't want to date anyone else but me. He agreed to delete his OLD account and he did it within an hour after we talked. We are together now officially . 1
MissApple Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 excellent. Now you just need to pick up the courage to talk to him about OLD and finish that business ! Hi thank you do much for your help. I talked to him last night but I didn't bring up anything about the picture. I asked him if he wants us to continue dating exclusively. He said yes and that he really likes me. Then I brought up that maybe we should delete our OLD accounts unless he's still looking then he should keep his. He said he's not looking, then he said OK let's delete our accounts. Then he asked me, would you like to be my gf because I wouldnt want to date anyone else but you? I said yes. He deleted his account the same night. After he deleted his, I deleted mine .
candie13 Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 you're fast ! Well done, I believe congrats are in order! just... keep an eye on him, a wolf can change his appearance, but not his habits. Usually, you can tell, with time passing by, just make sure you are looking at facts and reality and not at what he is saying or want you to believe! cheers PS I'd wait a few weeks and check up on him . I am terrible, that way!
Eternal Sunshine Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 Keep in mind that he can easily create another profile...I would keep an eye on it.
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