Miss1122 Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 A friend met this guy online. They have been dating for a month. Last night, she logged on to her online dating account after not logging on for a while and she noticed that he has added a new picture on his profile. They are dating exclusively but not bf/gf yet. Does she have the right to be mad and talk to him about it? When is the right time to discuss about deleting the accounts? According from her. Everything is great and this guy has been treating her well. That's why she's surprised to find out he added a picture to his dating profile. Does he still trying to meet someone?
candie13 Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 that's why one updates his online profile, yes, to meet other people... your friend can confront him... or she can do the same. if the guy does nothing, she should dump him. one month is too soon to ask a guy anything - except for exclusivity, if the 2 had sex.
snowflakes88 Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 Yes, he's obviously still looking. You - uh, your friend - that person is right to be concerned. 1
ltjg45 Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 I would consider it a red flag. If he was happy with what he has right now, I don't see why he would go back to his online dating account and add another picture. Unless he's thinking that he can still find better, in which case he putting the female he's with as an option. That is NOT good news. I would tell your female friend to confront him about it. Either delete the account to respect his relationship to her or she can move on and find someone who won't play games with her.
Sweeetie Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 It sounds like he is . I'm currently dating a guy I met online, we were exchanging long emails every day for 3 weeks before meeting up (he'd wanted to meet me much earlier but I was out of town) and I noticed that he was online quite a lot even after he'd asked me out. I found out that there were other girls who he had met up with even when we were writing to each other every day, he talked about it really frivolously. He said "I didn't want to keep all my eggs in one basket!". He's not looking for a relationship, just casual dating, so that explains it. Your friend must know about it as to not have hopes and expectations.
pbjbear Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 I would say its a red flag but dont dump him over it yet. Take more time to see how things will go. If he isnt truly satisfied with her youll see other red flags... 1
Author Miss1122 Posted February 5, 2013 Author Posted February 5, 2013 They had sex already. My friend sees him once a week. She said she has no complains about how this guy has been treating her. He sees her. He communicates with her. The only thing that bothers her is the new picture on his profile. She's not sure when exactly it was added but it was recently. My friend is wondering if she can confront him and whats the best way to do it? She still has her profile but she has stopped meeting people from there.
KathyM Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 Sounds like there is a misunderstanding about their status together. If he is updating his profile/pictures and she is still logging onto the dating website, then they are obviously not exclusive at this point and are still looking. I think a conversation about this is in order at this point. She could say, "I've really liked getting to know you this past month and you seem like an amazing guy that I could really develop feelings for. I'm afraid of getting my heart broken, though, if I'm more invested in you than you are with me. How do you feel about dating exclusively and taking our profiles down?" The only real way to handle this is with communication. There is obviously ambiguity about their status with each other. This talk needs to happen so they both know they are on the same page about this. It can't be assumed. 2
Author Miss1122 Posted February 5, 2013 Author Posted February 5, 2013 Sounds like there is a misunderstanding about their status together. If he is updating his profile/pictures and she is still logging onto the dating website, then they are obviously not exclusive at this point and are still looking. I think a conversation about this is in order at this point. She could say, "I've really liked getting to know you this past month and you seem like an amazing guy that I could really develop feelings for. I'm afraid of getting my heart broken, though, if I'm more invested in you than you are with me. How do you feel about dating exclusively and taking our profiles down?" The only real way to handle this is with communication. There is obviously ambiguity about their status with each other. This talk needs to happen so they both know they are on the same page about this. It can't be assumed. I told her that that she should talk to him. I know my friend doesn't multidate. She told me she only logged on to delete her messages but not to talk or meet other people. When she got to his profile, she clicked on it and found a new photo.
Dangraystyle Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 I put more pictures of myself on the dating website I met my girlfriend on, while seeing her. Not because I was interested in meeting someone else, it was just because I was bored at that particular moment and wanted to see if anybody would send me messages.
FitChick Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 (edited) I put more pictures of myself on the dating website I met my girlfriend on, while seeing her. Not because I was interested in meeting someone else, it was just because I was bored at that particular moment and wanted to see if anybody would send me messages. You like to live dangerously, don't you... Two guys I've dated recently have updated their profiles and so have I. We haven't ruled out dating again but we haven't asked for exclusivity either. That is key. Edited February 5, 2013 by FitChick 1
candie13 Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 exactly! two can play that game! Let him wonder - bet he'll carve in before "your friend" does!
Casablanca Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 Are they exclusive or does she think they are exclusive because they slept together?
Author Miss1122 Posted February 5, 2013 Author Posted February 5, 2013 exactly! two can play that game! Let him wonder - bet he'll carve in before "your friend" does! So you suggest that my friend update her profile too?
Author Miss1122 Posted February 5, 2013 Author Posted February 5, 2013 Are they exclusive or does she think they are exclusive because they slept together? Base on what my friend has told me, they agreed to not have sex and go on dates with other people.
candie13 Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 yes, I am strongly suggesting that. and I mean hot pictures - not sexy or provocative, but hot !
Author Miss1122 Posted February 5, 2013 Author Posted February 5, 2013 yes, I am strongly suggesting that. and I mean hot pictures - not sexy or provocative, but hot ! How about talking to him about deleting their profiles? Should she initiate or wait till he brings it up?
candie13 Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 why not be smart and give him a taste of his own medicine? she can update her profile with those pics, let him stew for a week or two and then very casually talk about it? She can say "hey, i've updated my profile and I got tons of messages, that's hilarious... but I'm feeling a bit guilty. I didn't think about it, what do you think, does it bother you? I'd feel more comfortable if we stopped the online dating thing, to tell you the truth"
Casablanca Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 Base on what my friend has told me, they agreed to not have sex and go on dates with other people. Red flag then why not be smart and give him a taste of his own medicine? she can update her profile with those pics, let him stew for a week or two and then very casually talk about it? She can say "hey, i've updated my profile and I got tons of messages, that's hilarious... but I'm feeling a bit guilty. I didn't think about it, what do you think, does it bother you? I'd feel more comfortable if we stopped the online dating thing, to tell you the truth" Or she could just be adult about it and talk to the guy about it.
candie13 Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 unless she gets some really hot messages, then she can ask him if he wants to go back on the exclusivity... never give the power to the guy, you're two in that relationship, it's supposed to be dynamic. either way, that dating site is a good thing - it will either help your "friend" close her relationship or make it better.
candie13 Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 Or she could just be adult about it and talk to the guy about it. she'll look weak, needy and clingy if she admits she'd been checking on him online. He did NOT play fair, she doesn't have to either. Of course, I am not saying my solution is the smartest or easiest, you need a lot of cold blood to be applying it. Only do it if you are comfortable with going ahead with it. Otherwise, Casablanca's advice is spot on. I'd play hard ball .
Drseussgrrl Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 I wouldn't say a damn word about it. Men ALWAYS reveal themselves through their actions. Dude is obviously still looking - which means she should be, too. 1) Update your own profile and keep your options open while still seeing this guy. 2) Or dump him. If he was super duper into her he wouldn't be updating his profile with new pics. It's that simple. 1
Author Miss1122 Posted February 5, 2013 Author Posted February 5, 2013 unless she gets some really hot messages, then she can ask him if he wants to go back on the exclusivity... never give the power to the guy, you're two in that relationship, it's supposed to be dynamic. either way, that dating site is a good thing - it will either help your "friend" close her relationship or make it better. This guy knows that she gets tons of messages already. I think that's why he treats her well because he doesn't want her attention to switch to someone else. He is so attracted to her.
Star Gazer Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 I'd play hard ball . You're assuming he'd even notice that she updated her profile, or care. There's also a big difference between "I'm not seeing anyone else right now" and "You're the only one I want to see, and the only one I will." 2
Recommended Posts