kaylan Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 Dangerous words when you are dating! This. Either someone clicks with you or they dont. He really didnt OP.
kaylan Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 They are out there. They are rare, but they are out there. My point is, if you are counting on some other entity(the bank) to finance your lifestyle and "independence" then you aren't really doing anything all that different than the guy living at home. Silliest post in this thread. A guy living at home, barely working 25 hrs a week is MUCH different from someone working 40 or 50 plus hours a week with more financial responsibilities to take care of. The mooch has no responsibilities because hes a sponge whos essentially SOMEONE ELSES RESPONSIBILITY.
carhill Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 OP, is appears you've resolved this issue and a quick scan of past threads indicates perhaps a dearth of available/single men in your demographic is partially responsible for such issues arising. Perhaps a change of venue/demographic is in order. In any event, kudos for not lingering on this issue and taking proactive steps. Good luck.
leahnc Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 Oh girl.... you are describing my ex husband to a tee! He wanted to be a pilot, then a teacher, then a painter, etc etc. Dump this guy. If you get serious with him, he will likely drag you down a very difficult financial path that could take you years to recover from. Its not necessarily about the "money" its clearly a lack of ambition, and lack of motivation. What guy gets the girl he is seeing to supply gas money?? Thats unthinkable!
Ruby Slippers Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 There are a few rare women who would rather be tough corporate executives and have a househusband at home doing the domestic chores. Maybe this guy can find a woman like that. The problem is that this type of guy is often too lazy and unmotivated even to clean the house. 5
Untouchable_Fire Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 Its been going on two wonderful months since I started dating this great guy. He is absolutely everything I want in a man but he is broke. I definitely dont want to stop talking to him because he is down on his luck. But it's hard imaging being with someone long term when he lives with his parents, drives a 93 Dodge, and works 20 hours a week. And he is content with some of these things. Since we have been dating, he has been looking for better employment. Which I really appreciate. But everytime I turn around, he wants to be a photographer, or he is working on inventing an app, he wants to create a design for clothes, or he is going to manage his friends music career. I am supportive but Im not sure if I can continue with him if things doesnt change in a year. We normally spend every weekend together, one week he didnt have gas and I gave him gas to visit me. Or Im always the one supplying food when he is here. My birthday just past and all he could afford was to take me bowling... which we ordered my favorite dish and he ate half of that. I know I may sound shallow but I watched my mom be the breadwinner while my step dad worked when he could. This man is 31 and he has been at his parents for the last 2 years and he stayed with his girlfriend before that. Just need some advice on this situation. He isn't going to change... either accept him as is... or don't. Do not try to make him change or expect him to change. Personally, I think judging someone on this sort of criteria makes you shallow.
CptObvious Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 What's wrong with a 93 dodge? Do you prefer one of those 2013 riceballs? That 93 dodge is worth more than every abomination toyota and honda have made. Anyways, the guy is a complete loser. You're a girl, so if you're not shallow then you're also a loser. There aren't going to be a lot of people as tall or as muscular as him, but you gotta understand he's missing the most important thing in a man: money. You ain't a man unless you got money. Siphon back the gas you gave him and kick him to the curb. The world is too small to fit all these mouth breathing chumps. 1
ltjg45 Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 You ain't a man unless you got money. That's a bunch of BS. While a man needs money to take care of himself and his SO, he doesn't need a dime more than that. After that, it's everything else you can't buy with $$$ that is truly important. I rather have a girlfriend that is completely broke that has everything that I can't spend cash on than a rich hoe or wealthy bitch. You want to die rich just so someone undeserving can take your funds for himself/herself? Be my guest. I rather die happy.
kaylan Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 What's wrong with a 93 dodge? Do you prefer one of those 2013 riceballs? That 93 dodge is worth more than every abomination toyota and honda have made. Anyways, the guy is a complete loser. You're a girl, so if you're not shallow then you're also a loser. There aren't going to be a lot of people as tall or as muscular as him, but you gotta understand he's missing the most important thing in a man: money. You ain't a man unless you got money. Siphon back the gas you gave him and kick him to the curb. The world is too small to fit all these mouth breathing chumps. Did you even read the thread? This isnt about money. Its about a guy whos a mooch and doesnt take care of himself like an adult should. Im sure OP wouldnt care at all if the guy worked 40 hrs and only had enough to cover taking care of himself, with just enough left over for his share of dating expenses. But in this guys case, he sponges off of his parents and her. And if you read the thread youd know this guy is average and kind skinny. Not tall or muscular. 1
MyPoutine Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 (edited) Only stick around if you feel you can motivate him to get his butt into gear and figure out a way to save money. My ex is poor, he is a student and works part time, when we were in the same country he was still poor but he made an effort to treat me, yes sometimes I'd pay (and I didn't mind) but he made sure he contributed as well. Before we broke up we were planning to see each other and he was considering coming to me instead of me going to him, which is very expensive. Being poor is fine, life happens...but if he simply wants to sit about and not at least try to improve his situation then that's a bit of a problem. Try to see if encouragement will make a difference, maybe he needs a push in the right direction from you? Edited February 5, 2013 by MyPoutine
SJC2008 Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 Sounds like you're datin his "potential" and not him. He may be brilliant but if he doesn't have the ambition to use it, then leave him:( 1
2sure Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 Given what you mentioned about your Mom being the breadwinner and your step father always beng between jobs...I know you said you hated it but You have a comfort level and familiarity with it that is preventing you from seeing that this isn't what you want, it's acceptable because it's what your used to.
Author zanesfan Posted February 6, 2013 Author Posted February 6, 2013 What advice is there to give? You fell in love with a guy you could mommy. Women who do this want to mother a grown man and deep down feel threatened by a man who could not need her possibly leading him to leave her. You are in a codependent relationship. He needs a mom and you need a son. What? This whole thread confused the hell outta me. First of all we have only been dating 2 months... so Im not in love. Secondly, if I was ok with the circumstances, I never would have called things off.
Author zanesfan Posted February 6, 2013 Author Posted February 6, 2013 Usually people get into relationships out of love. Sorry to assume that. So this was a relationship out of convenience? How was it convenient? lol. People get into relationships in HOPE to find love. You know you can actually date someone and walk away if the relationship isnt where you want it to be? Crazy huh? 3
Author zanesfan Posted February 6, 2013 Author Posted February 6, 2013 Now we are getting down to the crux of the issue. You are trying to protect yourself with convoluted philosophies and unorthodox relationships. If you are seeing someone for 2 months you are no longer dating. You are in a relationship which means you are either in love or doing it for other reasons like convenience and exploitation. You are not trying before you are buying anymore. That phase passed. I will let you have the throne! In love within 2 months... You are still getting to know a person in two months. But hey whatever floats your boat. 1
monicaelise Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 Love is an emotional reaction to who they are and not what you know. She did react to who he is, a slacker. It's one thing for a guy to be between gigs, but for a young, healthy adult male to be resigned to living with his parents and working 20 hours a week...well that's a whole other ball game. There's no reason that the OP, as a responsible, hard working adult female in her prime, should think that this man is an acceptable mate. It's not like she needs to settle for whatever is out there. Love isn't just some floofy, instantaneous chemical reaction. That's just lust. Genuine love is about respect, rapport, understanding, and attraction. You don't get that in two months. 3
Drseussgrrl Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 Love can grow but it starts sprouting the moment you meet them. Are you really Little Prince? 2
Els Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 Are you really Little Prince? Nicely spotted! I'm still trying to decide if Lik is dasein. No prizes for guessing Oxykitten. 3
monicaelise Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 Love can grow but it starts sprouting the moment you meet them. LOL! Gonna have to call bullsh** on that one. Lust, or chemistry, may sprout the moment you meet someone, but that is not love in any real sense of the word. It takes quite some time to figure out who you're even dealing with and until you have some sense of that, it's just infatuation or lust. Whatever the case, the OP was wise to get out. She needs a partner/mate, not a child. 2
CptObvious Posted February 8, 2013 Posted February 8, 2013 Did you even read the thread? This isnt about money. Its about a guy whos a mooch and doesnt take care of himself like an adult should. Im sure OP wouldnt care at all if the guy worked 40 hrs and only had enough to cover taking care of himself, with just enough left over for his share of dating expenses. But in this guys case, he sponges off of his parents and her. And if you read the thread youd know this guy is average and kind skinny. Not tall or muscular. so he's poor AND unattractive.. Way to pick a winner, OP.
InJest Posted February 8, 2013 Posted February 8, 2013 Guy's a loser. Stop seeing him, or at least don't come back here bitching about him being a loser. 1
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