zanesfan Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 Its been going on two wonderful months since I started dating this great guy. He is absolutely everything I want in a man but he is broke. I definitely dont want to stop talking to him because he is down on his luck. But it's hard imaging being with someone long term when he lives with his parents, drives a 93 Dodge, and works 20 hours a week. And he is content with some of these things. Since we have been dating, he has been looking for better employment. Which I really appreciate. But everytime I turn around, he wants to be a photographer, or he is working on inventing an app, he wants to create a design for clothes, or he is going to manage his friends music career. I am supportive but Im not sure if I can continue with him if things doesnt change in a year. We normally spend every weekend together, one week he didnt have gas and I gave him gas to visit me. Or Im always the one supplying food when he is here. My birthday just past and all he could afford was to take me bowling... which we ordered my favorite dish and he ate half of that. I know I may sound shallow but I watched my mom be the breadwinner while my step dad worked when he could. This man is 31 and he has been at his parents for the last 2 years and he stayed with his girlfriend before that. Just need some advice on this situation.
Balzac Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 Is he educated? Was he gainfully employed but lost his job?
ltjg45 Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 I see more red flags in this post than your boyfriend being broke. 1. He's looking for jobs that he is not trained to do, according to what I read. 2. He works but yet he can't seem to keep food or gas money around. Sounds like he is trying to spend more than he have and is not willing to substitute. 3. He doesn't think ahead. 4. This is the most disturbing part and I find that rude regardless of his income level. He ATE half of your meal. Seriously? That's pitiful, insulting, and frankly, quite disgusting. That shows desperation. I'm completely broke with no money to my name and I wouldn't even consider doing that. You giving him way too much time. Tell him to pick up a 2nd entry-level job and pronto if he values your relationship. 4
Els Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 If you're not happy with him in your first two months of dating, you aren't going to be happy in a year's time. Everything that you mentioned isn't necessarily a dealbreaker to everyone, but it is to you, and that's what matters. This early on, I'd suggest you cut your losses and move on, honestly. This isn't something that can be easily fixed like wanting him to call you more - this requires a pretty big overhaul of personality. 1
TouchedByViolet Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 What do you find attractive about him? I'm genuinely curious. Sounds like you have a pretty good idea of this guy's financial, and career goals... they are nonexistent in any serious context. If this is a deal breaker for you I would not wait for him to change... it probably will not happen
crude Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 He should've been born a woman, then no problem. 9
kaylan Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 He should've been born a woman, then no problem. So not true. I dont know of one of my guy friends whod put up with a girl like that. Screams lack of ambition, mooching, and a future of constantly having to take care of her. Its one thing to be down on your luck. Its another thing to constantly make bad employment and financial decisions. 2
Author zanesfan Posted February 5, 2013 Author Posted February 5, 2013 No he does not have a college degree. He is brilliant however. This guy is so smart, its a waste to see someone let it go all to waste. The reason I like him is because he doesnt play these petty mind games, he genuinely is a good guy, he treats me very well, and will do anything for me if he is able to. As far as the birthday meal goes, it wasnt meant for me. We ordered it and brought it home.. it was enough for both of us and I didnt mind but still. And no he is not hot. He is average. 2 inches taller than me and has a thin frame..
Sanctionne Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 Sounds like my ex for the most part. Lived at home and no intention in moving out any time soon. He Is a musician, however he makes little to no money from it. He has a pt job that pays minimum wage. I myself am not shallow nor do I date a guy based on how much money he makes or what kind of car he drives, but is it so wrong for me to want to be treated out to a meal by my bf? I think not. I paid for 95% of everything. We were also in a ldr so i had to rent a hotel when I visited him and still had to pay for everything we did. After a while I felt more like a parent more than a gf and I started to resent him for it. Maybe i just stayed because I didn't want to be made out to be the bad guy for leaving someone because of thier financial situation... eventually he terminated the relationship and is now seeing someone that is in another state. He and I only lived roughly 100 miles away, the new gal is hundreds of miles away. But it seemed like once we split up he had money to do things. He even visits her and rarely made the effort to visit me. I can't help but to feel that I was taken advantage of and be hurt and upset that he never tried for me, for us but is doing whatever it takes to see her. What a waste of my time, efforts and money. Point being, don't let anyone make you feel bad if you choose to leave him. He doesn't sound very dependable and seems fine living at home wking pt. So he prob won't be making any changes anytime soon... I suppose you could talk to him about it. But what kind of grown man needs to be told these things? It's part of being an adult. It's common sense. 5
Drseussgrrl Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 This dude has no ambition whatsoever. Living with his parents at 31 and working 20 hours a week? God, if I could only be so lucky not to have to function like an ADULT. He might be fun and nice, but do you really see being able to build a solid future with someone who can't even take care of himself in the most basic ways? Gas money? Come on! 3
kaylan Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 No he does not have a college degree. He is brilliant however. This guy is so smart, its a waste to see someone let it go all to waste. The reason I like him is because he doesnt play these petty mind games, he genuinely is a good guy, he treats me very well, and will do anything for me if he is able to. As far as the birthday meal goes, it wasnt meant for me. We ordered it and brought it home.. it was enough for both of us and I didnt mind but still. And no he is not hot. He is average. 2 inches taller than me and has a thin frame.. If this wouldnt work for me as a man, it definitely wont work for you as a woman. For me, I prefer a career minded gal with a college education. Even if she isnt super career minded, or doesnt have a degree, she has to have a fulltime job she enjoys, and a little bit of ambition for me to see long term potential. This guy sounds like a bum and someone you wont be able to build a life with. If he at least had a degree, was down on his luck, and taking a break from his field...then Id cut him a lot of slack because I know hed have a good plan of what hes doing. This guys however is living like a teenager or 20 something. How are you guys gonna build a life together if you or his parents are constantly taking care of him. If a guy or girl are gonna have less to bring to the table, they better be pretty damn attractive otherwise. This guy seems to miss that boat too. Id voice your concerns to him if I were you. Doubt he will change though.
Balzac Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 Does he have the idea that his trust fund will be kicking at 35? His parents are enablers. That being said, if you're looking to repeat your family model, he's a perfect choice. Maybe you are seeking a SAHD, you as primary financial support but cut the cost of childcare? Some couples work this out.
Sanctionne Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 I also want to note that my ex was one of the most wonderful guys I've ever known, despite being broke and living at home. But I know now that it was for the best even if it wasn't my choice to end the relationship. I just wasn't happy with all of the responsibility that came w dating a guy like that. I work very hard for what i have and it did bother me that all of my overtime pay was going to fund the relationship.
StanMusial Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 LOL. This reminded me of the other thread where the guy wouldn't visit the gal because his tires were too sh*tty. If you stay with this guy, you're going to have to pay his way. Its going to get boring sitting at home watching movies on cable.
Author zanesfan Posted February 5, 2013 Author Posted February 5, 2013 When we first started dating he told me he lived with his parents and that he was basically content living there. He said if he did find a place to live he wanted his rent to be $400.. like where the hell are you going to find a decent place for $400 bucks. I bought a house 3 years ago and I want to buy a bigger home in 5 years. I have a car, and I work. Im in my last year for my bachelors. My home is fully furnished and I have done everything for myself by myself. So why cant he do the same? His friends are pretty much in the same category and I feel like he has no proper role models. I will talk to him. I dont want to make him feel like a failure but what else can I do?
Balzac Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 Talk about what? Employment, lifetime earning statistics of those w/o a basic undergrad degree or craftsman certification? Potential for starting or buying a business?
quietGuy13 Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 This dude has no ambition whatsoever. Living with his parents at 31 and working 20 hours a week? God, if I could only be so lucky not to have to function like an ADULT. He might be fun and nice, but do you really see being able to build a solid future with someone who can't even take care of himself in the most basic ways? Gas money? Come on! You guys are just mean. YOu think us 30 something year olds with no job and living with our parents are stupid c**rap. Why? What makes you any better. AMBITION??? PLEASE stop that nonsense. So some of us are not ambitious. So what? We like living simple life. Seeems you care more about money than the heart.
quietGuy13 Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 LOL. This reminded me of the other thread where the guy wouldn't visit the gal because his tires were too sh*tty. If you stay with this guy, you're going to have to pay his way. Its going to get boring sitting at home watching movies on cable. Yeah boring for people like you who just not creative and just want to be entertained by others. I can write poems or whatever, songs.. that's entertaining I dont need to be going to movies or trips or fancy restaurants. Man, it's time to see love as it should be. About love!! Not about money or social status. I could be homeless and be a great person.
normal person Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 Man, it's time to see love as it should be. About love!! Not about money or social status. I could be homeless and be a great person. True, you could be a great person who's homeless, so why aren't you? Because you prefer the comfort of living in your parents' house much more than the outside elements. When the OP says she has a problem with a guy having no ambition, that's pretty much a feeling that if she stays with him, her life is going to be uncomfortable and financially unstable -- a very legitimate concern for most people. That's not a feeling I'd want either. Some people are happy being homeless, and that's fine. Others want different things.
TigerCub Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 You guys are just mean. YOu think us 30 something year olds with no job and living with our parents are stupid c**rap. Why? What makes you any better. AMBITION??? PLEASE stop that nonsense. So some of us are not ambitious. So what? We like living simple life. Seeems you care more about money than the heart. Aren't you the one that said you were dumb and were selling it as a good reason why you'd get along so well with a dumb 18 year old gf? 3
Drseussgrrl Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 You guys are just mean. YOu think us 30 something year olds with no job and living with our parents are stupid c**rap. Why? What makes you any better. AMBITION??? PLEASE stop that nonsense. So some of us are not ambitious. So what? We like living simple life. Seeems you care more about money than the heart. Hmm... Let me tell you all the ways that yes, it makes me better. It makes me better because I recognize that life comes with a price tag and the only person responsible for mine is ME. It makes me better because eventually I want to be able to provide a financially secure and stable life for me, my spouse and our children, which doesn't include scraping by or going without. It makes me better because I'll be able to send my kids to college some day. It makes me better because I have a sense of pride and would rather wait tables than sleep in my parents' basement or on a friend's couch. It makes me better because while I take care of my own basic needs, I still have money to do FUN THINGS. Life is short and I can travel if I want, buy clothes when I want, you name it. (Hey - imagine that!) Want me to keep going??? Get off your ass and go make a difference, slacker! 1
pbjbear Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 "he is content with things" Thats why I would stop seeing him. With this economy, really people shouldnt be judging others for being broke. Student loan debt is rampant today along with tons of people getting laid off. Someone who is lazy though is a dealbreaker 2
SmileFace Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 You guys are just mean. YOu think us 30 something year olds with no job and living with our parents are stupid c**rap. Why? What makes you any better. AMBITION??? PLEASE stop that nonsense. So some of us are not ambitious. So what? We like living simple life. Seeems you care more about money than the heart. Dafuq......
TheGuard13 Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 How can be everything you want in a man if him being broke and lacking ambition bothers you?
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