zcolman Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 Okay I know that most of you will say move on and all that stuff. I just want everyones opinions on if she might still be confused and still thinking on giving me a chance in the future. Okay bare with me on this. My Ex girlfriend and I broke up 4 month ago. We were dating for a little more then 2 and a half years. She is 23 and I am 27 now. We met in college yoga class. We both graduated and started our careers. together, I was her first and me and her were/are deeply in love. She grow up in a smaller town and was more sheltered, doesnt party but does more positive activities. I on the other hand grow up in a different small town, grow up with lots of things negative in my life. Basically Iv'e been through a lot and she always didn't think it was all normal but lived with it. So we moved in 2 months before she broke it off, I was in the process of quitting drinking,(wasnt an alcoholic) I just liked to hang with my friends once a week. She didnt see going out like that as normal and didnt like it when I drank. So I was stopping. Basically one night she said she couldnt handle it anymore or trust me, even though I told her everything(process and how I felt and was trying to get it/negative influences out of my life) For the first three months of the break-up we would text back and forth. Me starting it a little more then her, but we both did it, she always said she just didnt know and she needed more time. I understood, I gave her notes once a month with my progress and how I was doing. She enjoyed them and we would text back and forth over them. But she never would really listen to my side, always saying it was my fault. I was the major factor but she still had her things to grow on. I didnt ever bring them up because she broke up with me, I stood by her through ALOT. I quit drinking the day after the break-up, and havent touched it since. I also have been going to counciling and learned my anxiety was my main problem. I have gotten back into running and actaully finding new friends. Basically at the end of the 3rd month I gave her a letter saying we should take 1 month of not talking to clear our heads etc. I also gave her a journal and I had one and said we would swap after the 30 days. We talked the rest of the night and and she said she missed me and that the 30 days would make her miss me more and that it would help her reflect.(note she mentioned alot that it would be a year before she would concider taking me back or "a few months isnt enough to to consider taking me back. So note that we have an apartment together which she left and I only made her pay until the end of the 3 months and found a positive roomate to move in. But her name is still on the lease until I find a perm roomate, also still had a joint bank account. Well during the 30 days we both broke the no contact 1, fist time i did and was stupid and asked her if she met someone, total emotional, but we ended it nicely with a half moon text each(signified we were next to eachother) The second time she broke it because we dont use the bank account anymore due to me now paying all the bills myself through my account. Well one of our auto payments didnt turn off like it was suppose to so it went in negative. She texted me and told me about it so I fixed it. That was it for the no contact except for her checking my calorie app the day after she contacted me to see if I was working out. (good sign I thought) Well the end of the no-contact came and two days before it she put her journal in my mail box. The first 10 enteries were great talking about how she was remembering goodtimes, missed me, also how she still took me for granted and didnt think I was letting go. well funny thing was she last wrote her good entry on the same day as the account going negative. Her saying in the journal she thought i did it on purpose to talk to her(crazy right) well she didnt write in it again until 6 days later with a 10 page entry on how she loved me but couldnt be with me, that she dint even try and miss me and just distracted herself as much as possible to not feel hurt. I thought it was starnge how she changed out of nowhere in her entries. Funny thing is she was so mixed in her last entry. telling me she will love me forever, I changed her life, she still sleeps with poo bear(stuffed animal I gave her when we first started dating) wrote love after the entry and even wrote a note in the beginning telling me "what until the end of this weekend before contacting me, if you want to at all" The thing that angered me was she told me she didnt want my journal, saying she felt she would have known what it said. So the thing that sucked here is I already had a lilly being sent to her house the next day with a video montage I made for her and couldnt cancel it. So i ignored her after the journal so emotions didnt go crazy. The next day I emailed her letting her know that the flower was being sent (so she didnt think i planned it last minute) and letting her know that the no-contact did what it was suppose and hopefully we can start fresh at some point and no expectations, fear or talk about the old relationship right now. She emailed me back 2 days later thanking me for the flower and montage, aying "yes the timing seemed off due to the journal she wrote me, but it was still wonderful and she loved it. That I trained her eyes in the montage(im a designer) I wrote her back the next day, short just saying I enjoyed making it and happy she enjoyed it. The next day i called her and left her a voice mail telling her I finally shut down the bank account(she was always weird about money stuff) she wote me an email right after thanking me for doing it and she super duper appreciated it. Now I understand now that I might have put to much pressure on her doing all the wrong thing with talking to soon about the old relationship etc. I felt she just felt pressured and thought I would expect to much after the 30 days and so was confused with the pressure and got scared(she always hides) Now I am wondering what everyone thinks I havent contacted her back after that email last week. Saying now that she needs time and space, but am still unsure if I blew it or a fresh start could happen over time. She says she loves me to death still but tries not to think about it as she will die if she does. Also I found out yesterday from a friend that she told an old friend(guy that i hated she started talking to again) has been harrassing her, that she started the friendship back up with him, now he is trying to push her into a relationship and she said she doesnt want a relationship right now. She hasnt seen him only text, but is ignoring him at times and getting nasty with him, basically dug her own grave on that one, but it still scares me. What does everyone think, should I just give it sometime and hopefully see if she comes back around since I really think she is just confused with me and my growth or not. I love her and I know she loves me.
WhatYouWantToHear Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 What does everyone think, should I just give it sometime and hopefully see if she comes back around since I really think she is just confused with me and my growth or not. I love her and I know she loves me. I think you're a few steps down the path to being a stalker. Leave her alone. Do not contact her again, unless she contacts you with a dire emergency.
Author zcolman Posted February 5, 2013 Author Posted February 5, 2013 Why am I being a stalker? I am giving her, her space and not contacting her. I am respecting her wishes for space. She has told me on countless occassions that she still loves me. I dont get why you would think that.
WhatYouWantToHear Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 You're not being a stalker, its just this "I love her and I know she loves me." comment seemed straight out of a stalker movie. I got hung up on that one line--your actions do not indicate that you are. I stand by my advice though--leave her alone, do not seek out information about her, cover your ears if someone tries to tell you about her situation. She's made her choice known.
Author zcolman Posted February 5, 2013 Author Posted February 5, 2013 Its weird though... why would she tell me she doesn't seeing us being together. The write the opener of the journal saying communicate with me soon(if you want to at all)? and say she still sleeps with the stuffed animal I gave her? seems confusing to me.
flitzanu Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 Its weird though... why would she tell me she doesn't seeing us being together. because she doesn't see you two being together. The write the opener of the journal saying communicate with me soon(if you want to at all)? and say she still sleeps with the stuffed animal I gave her? seems confusing to me. sleeping with a stuffed animal doesn't mean she wants to sleep with you. she can miss you and not want to be with you. sorry to say, but there are no signs at all from her that she is planning to get back with you. when people "need time" it means they are taking time away from you because they are breaking up with you. the ball is in her court, all you can do now is wait for HER to tell you that she wants to be with you. all you're doing with your overattentiveness is pushing her away and smothering her. you can't change her mind or force her to love you.
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