Coping Vortex Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 We have been off and on NC and LC ever since. I know why I break it, but I wonder why she does. I mean she seems to be happier than she has ever been with her new guy. So why talk to me at all? I know on this site the reasons why the dumper contacts the dumpee at all has been because some of the following: 1. The dumper feels guilty and talking to the dumper alleviates their guilt. 2. The dumper wants to see if the dumpee is still there waiting in the wings for them. Ego boost. Not sure if there are other reasons. Could it be deep down they do really miss their lover and not just as a friend? I mean most people have other friends there is no reason for the dumper to contact the dumpee. Not to mention that it is awkward. Other than the two reasons above why do they bother? Or for that matter if they are happier in their new relationship why would they feel the need to have the ego boost they can get that from their current lover? I know we have the choice to go NC. But my questions are more for what the mindset of the dumper is. My ex is not a mean person she is not doing this to torture me. I know some ex's do get a rise out of torturing their ex. That just is not her. I know she doesn't need an ego boost. She is generally very happy with her new guy (except for the sex from what she told me). Ok so lets look at that. Assuming she contacts me because she thinks of our sex life, then again why bother? Is she going to plan a booty call with me to get her sex hit that she isn't getting form her new guy? NO!! She wouldn't cheat on him to hook with me anyway, so again why bother? Another observation: our conversations during the relationship were based on sharing deep thoughts and feelings. When you are ex lovers the conversation is stupid breadcrumb texts about the weather and so on. So again why do they bother?? I mean, how do you go from meaningful conversations to inane banter. How is that feeling familiar or bring back memories? The memories with the ex were about meaningful conversations not about inane dribble. So other than the two points as to why the dumper contacts the dumpee what are some of the other things the dumper gets out of the breadcrumb LC?
drpepper1886 Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 You're providing something that her new lover is not and that is strengthening her current relationship. She knows that you'll provide the missing pieces and she can get the rest from him. She's got the best of both worlds. Where is Tara?
purpledust Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 why do they do that? they are using other people for their own benefits. left the dumpees anytime they want without thinking of how they would feel and then come back afterwards because they misses the dumpee even if they found someone new, someone better than the dumpee. we shouldn't let them use us. dumpees suffers a lot.
Author Coping Vortex Posted February 5, 2013 Author Posted February 5, 2013 why do they do that? they are using other people for their own benefits. left the dumpees anytime they want without thinking of how they would feel and then come back afterwards because they misses the dumpee even if they found someone new, someone better than the dumpee. we shouldn't let them use us. dumpees suffers a lot. Yes we do.
Author Coping Vortex Posted February 5, 2013 Author Posted February 5, 2013 You're providing something that her new lover is not and that is strengthening her current relationship. She knows that you'll provide the missing pieces and she can get the rest from him. She's got the best of both worlds. Where is Tara? Hmmmmm what would Tara answer???? Hmmmmm let me guess NC! LOL! 1
cavalier99 Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 Dude. I already answered this. She likes the attention. She is the queen bee. Your on the hook and come flying by as she chooses.
destroyed4sho Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 (edited) Your the back up plan in her fantasy world. Your the crutch in case things dont work out with new guy. Not that she would ever go back to u if she broke up with new guy. She just wants to know that she Could..just in case - last resort desperate scenario. Edited February 5, 2013 by destroyed4sho
Simon Phoenix Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 NC is something you do. It's not a set agreement by both parties. She can't break your NC, only you can.
TaraMaiden Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 You're providing something that her new lover is not and that is strengthening her current relationship. She knows that you'll provide the missing pieces and she can get the rest from him. She's got the best of both worlds. Where is Tara? Yoo-hooo!! *waves!!* Dude. I already answered this. She likes the attention. She is the queen bee. Your on the hook and come flying by as she chooses. Your the back up plan in her fantasy world. Your the crutch in case things dont work out with new guy. Not that she would ever go back to u if she broke up with new guy. She just wants to know that she Could..just in case - last resort desperate scenario. The reason you contact her is because of hope, desperation and the desire to not be forgotten. Even the pain of 'no hope' feels bitter-sweet, in comparison to never talking to them again. Better the prolonged, chronic slow death-rattle agony of limited contact than the acute but healing distress of NC - which doesn't last as long, but isn't as gratifying..... or so you think. The reason she contacts you is - because she can. She knows that all she has to do is knock on your skull, and there you are. Like a springer-spaniel puppy in training. When things go wrong with her current beau, you'll be there to offer comfort, a shoulder to lean on - and yes, even advice on how to remedy her disagreement with him and make things good again. I mean, after all, who knows her better than anyone, emotionally, than an ex-lover who knows how her mind and heart work? The thing to do, is to contact her IF YOU REALLY NEED TO - but do not respond to her attempts. Not once. Refuse the breadcrumbs. pretty soon, she'll stop trying. And then, hopefully, so will you.
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