Coping Vortex Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 Its been just about three months since she broke up with me. Feels like 6 months or more. She is with someone new staying at his place every chance she can. They are getting closer and closer and its killing me. I miss her so much. I thought by now it would get better but it hasn't I woke this morning with a pit in my stomach once again. The happier she gets the sadder I get. I have tried NC and it was worse. At least with LC I have been able to accept she is with someone else and not coming back even though i still get very depressed missing her. When I tried NC I had too many visions of her being even happier and too many thoughts of her having this amazing sex life etc. With NC I was stuck in the place at the time of the first NC. I felt like I could still get her back when I went NC. With LC I see it progress and see that it is not stuck where it was weeks ago. Its a bitter pill to swallow and I don't recommend LC for most cases. For me it is tough but has had me accept reality more. With NC I was stuck in the past. At least with LC I get to know that even her relationship isn't perfect. Makes it at least more real and that has been able to let me see reality and know its really over. I still get these panic attacks though. But they are a lot less than full NC. Even with our LC our contact been very sparse and meaningless dribble for the most part. So its not easy to get fully sucked back in as its not the same as when we were together. I am hoping the day will come when I can really move on for good. So hard to let her go. She was my world. I think we definitely had a codependent relationship. She just transferred her codependency to the new guy. Which makes it worse. She was with him within two weeks of our BU. She needed someone to land her feelings. I guess our timing just sucks.
lovelifexx Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 So sorry you are going through this. I had panic attacks all night last night, so I understand. If it really makes you feel better to go LC when do it. But, I really think that in the long run total NC willl help you recover faster. But obviously you do what feels best for you. xx
destroyed4sho Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 I can't believe you would do LC when you know she has a new BF. Wouldn't that hurt more? I wouldn't be able to last without going insane and more panic attacks. I don't think it would be wise for your health to do that. The chances that she will last with this guy forever are slim.
suladas Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 You think LC is better, but it's not. It just feels better to be in contact with them, because you don't think you are completely loosing them. Go NC, for the first bit it will be worse but it will get better. You will never get over her if you keep LC.
jovan Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 You think LC is better, but it's not. It just feels better to be in contact with them, because you don't think you are completely loosing them. Go NC, for the first bit it will be worse but it will get better. You will never get over her if you keep LC. I agree with suladas. STOP CONTACT
WhatsTheAnswer Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 I can't believe you would do LC when you know she has a new BF. Wouldn't that hurt more? I wouldn't be able to last without going insane and more panic attacks. I don't think it would be wise for your health to do that. The chances that she will last with this guy forever are slim. You would think so and so did I, so I tried NC. All it did was have my mind working over time thinking all these fantasies of what they are doing together. Since I didn't know what was going on by being cutoff my mind kept filling in the blanks. With LC it's more pain but at least I have been able to absorb the transition. I can tell she isn't talking to me the same as before. I can see she is now his and no longer mine. It's bitter reality but it smashes the illusions of what my mind came up with. Also, I know that at some point it has to drift into full NC. And yes I did get a fix by texting with her. But in reality it wasn't a good fix as the conversation is not like what we had before. Its a poison pill.
suladas Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 You would think so and so did I, so I tried NC. All it did was have my mind working over time thinking all these fantasies of what they are doing together. Since I didn't know what was going on by being cutoff my mind kept filling in the blanks. With LC it's more pain but at least I have been able to absorb the transition. I can tell she isn't talking to me the same as before. I can see she is now his and no longer mine. It's bitter reality but it smashes the illusions of what my mind came up with. Also, I know that at some point it has to drift into full NC. And yes I did get a fix by texting with her. But in reality it wasn't a good fix as the conversation is not like what we had before. Its a poison pill. The thought's get less and less and eventually go away though and you forget they exist. Won't happen with LC, it's like life support for the relationship, just pull the plug, it will hurt but I assure you after even a month or two it will feel better then it does now.
Author Coping Vortex Posted February 5, 2013 Author Posted February 5, 2013 You would think so and so did I, so I tried NC. All it did was have my mind working over time thinking all these fantasies of what they are doing together. Since I didn't know what was going on by being cutoff my mind kept filling in the blanks. With LC it's more pain but at least I have been able to absorb the transition. I can tell she isn't talking to me the same as before. I can see she is now his and no longer mine. It's bitter reality but it smashes the illusions of what my mind came up with. Also, I know that at some point it has to drift into full NC. And yes I did get a fix by texting with her. But in reality it wasn't a good fix as the conversation is not like what we had before. Its a poison pill. The thought's get less and less and eventually go away though and you forget they exist. Won't happen with LC, it's like life support for the relationship, just pull the plug, it will hurt but I assure you after even a month or two it will feel better then it does now. Yes I need to get there. I have to no choice at this point.
Amelie1980 Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 Wow. I'm glad it isn't just me. I started having panic attacks too a couple of weeks ago. so bad I've had to take days off work & I feel as if I'm having a heart attack. its been debilitating. But....tbh the attacks started about thesame time my boss started being a b it ch to me. so I think it's everything together.
Debbie2508 Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 Hi Coping, really think we're so similar I'm struggling with NC/LC too. It's so hard to go from seeing, speaking to,texting and sharing every thought and feeling with someone you love more than life itself,every day......to nothing!! Have been on here for the last 2 hours to try to distract myself from texting "can we talk"to him.
na49 Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 LC was torture for me when I tried it. I felt like if we could stay "civil" I'd be okay with it. So she texted me when she was having problems with him. I heard all about their problems and her life without me in it. It was absolute hell! I couldn't handle it which is why I needed to go NC. The idea of her dating and loving someone else just kills me. If I go completely black on her life, I feel a little better. I assume the worst and it makes me feel a little bit better. (a very little bit)
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