Sailynn Posted August 27, 2004 Posted August 27, 2004 After not attending our health club together since February of 2004, my ex-GF has started showing up. We broke up in April and I haven't seen her at the health club for months, but this week, she's shown up three times. I've attended my exercise classes and I haven't talked to her or approached her. However, one day, I was coming out of the locker room and she was at the front counter and she spotted me. She looked as if she wanted to become invisible. She grabber her bag and walked by me with her head turned away and a stone face. As she approached, I said "HELLO!" in a voice loud enough so she could hear. She stopped turned around and what I saw surprised me. She could not look me in the eye. She had her head down and her eyes were looking at the ground. Her her shoulders drawn in and her complexion was rather pale. I'm not that good of a body language interpreter, but I'd swear that her body was screaming shame and guilt. In a pale voice, she said, "How are you?" and then just seemed to disappear. I said fine and I resumed my business at the front desk. It's one thing to not exchange greetings when you are working out, but I think it was downright disrespectful and rude to coldly ignore someone that once was a big part of your life for over two years. I was disappointed that she could not at least nod. I have not contacted her or bothered her at all, but she sure didn't look that great or happy. I just can't believe she or anybody could be so indifferent as to suddenly and with astounding frequency, place themselves in a known path of an ex BF or GF, without it having some affect on them. Maybe she's over me and I don't make a difference to her, but when she turned stone faced and hung her head, I think the message is clear that she's there for something. Has anybody had an experience such as this. Should I continue to exchange greetings with her, or just completely ignore her, or find another health club. It does hurt to see her, because I miss her sooooo much and it kills me to know that I can't care for her or encourage her. It's just tough, but I'm making it through.
hurtingandconfused Posted August 30, 2004 Posted August 30, 2004 Should I continue to exchange greetings with her, or just completely ignore her, or find another health club. Find another club.
Author Sailynn Posted August 30, 2004 Author Posted August 30, 2004 Your advice is good. In fact, we belonged to a civic club together and when we broke up, I quit that club. However, I feel that if I quit my health club to find another club, I'm giving up too much. I just can't keep running. I know, in life, we choose to either fight or flight. We both joined the health club and we worked out together when we were dating. She had not worked out prior to our dating and we decided to become healthy. Then she broke up with me and had not been in the club since March. I belong to the club to mainly improve my health and well-being. However, when she starts showing up, it's going to become stressful. I guess I can't let it. I've had no contact with her since the breakup and I've had good days and bad days emotionally. Everytime I see her, I get a setback and have to fight that internal battle not to call or not imagine the "US" we once were. I'm asking the board if confronting this by calling her, would be worthwhile.
aFighter Posted August 30, 2004 Posted August 30, 2004 Ignore her she's no longer a part of your life. Carry on in your club etc. and do not let her dictate your life merely by her presence.
Author Sailynn Posted August 30, 2004 Author Posted August 30, 2004 I hear what you're saying. Whatever she does shouldn't matter, and it's tough to get into that mindset when in the not too distant past, every thought you had of them was loving and caring and everything mattered. I think she's just playing games and it's a bunch of crap. I've never been a part of playing games. My contention is that if she wants to talk or something, she should have enough courage to make contact. I've followed the advice of everyone and had no contact. It just so happens that all the working out that I've done has me in the best shape of my life and everyone is noticing. Every trainer and a majority of the members now know me talk about me. They've acknowledge my accomplishments and all speak to me on a friendly basis with hand shakes and slaps on the back. I've been member of the month and I've won a couple of contests that challenge the members. It's been great to have my name in the winner's circle. I'm proud of myself and what I've accomplished and that's something she can't take away. Maybe I've inspired her, because she wasn't of a gym rat when we met. Something's lit a health-kick fire under her. After the breakup, I focused on taking care of myself and the results show. I've actually had women hand me their phone numbers and ask me out. I'm gonna move forward.
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