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Moving on. Someone I have to see everyday and without closure.

KrisBerry

By KrisBerry
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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KrisBerry New Member

KrisBerry

Posted
Posted

So the thing is this guy was my first love. He was my first boyfriend. We were official for 2 months but the whole 'relationship' lasted about 7 months.

 

He's my classmate. We have ALL the classes together so I get to see him EVERYDAY whether I like it or not.

 

He was the sweetest at first when he was trying to get me to like him. He had so much effort and love for me but then when he found out I loved him too the effort kinda slowly went away then I found myself being the one doing all the work, the surprises and just the one being romantic and into the relationship. I ended up caring more for him than he seemed to for me.

 

To make the long story short, he took me for granted. And I was the one who was submissive and he became the dominant one. When it was the other way around in the beginning.

 

December 2012, We broke up cause of these frequent fights. I made an effort to get him back and we got back together after a week.

 

I told him that we should take things slow this time, so we wouldn't go back to our old ways. Slow meaning we won't be official until he quits smoking, drinking and I work on my temper. He said he would court me "when the time is right for us to be together again" (officially)

 

Things were doing okay when one time he told me to STOP making efforts cause it looks like I'm the only one into the relationship. He said he wanted to be the one giving effort so I did what he told me after that.

 

That week, he would only text me ONCE A DAY just to say goodnight and "I love you" everyday for a week I didn't initiate contact. We would only talk I he would be the one to approach me but then he'd say bye quickly and go out with his friends.

 

I didn't feel appreciated at all. He was obviously taking me for granted this time and so I got fed up.

 

One time at IM we had this little argument because my replies were too short, and he told me "let's just talk again next time once you're okay to talk to. You seem mad."

I said, "I'm not mad, and I'm okay to talk to, I'm just tired that's why my replies are short"

Him: "whatever"

Me: (getting fed up cause of the week) "Ohhh. So you just talk to me only when you want to? that's nice. I'm a person you know. I not just some dog you can call when you want to call me."

him: "oh, so that's what you think I've been doing? treating you like that? I don't know what's happening to you. well okay. I'm done. Goodbye, I don't care anymore."

me: "what's wrong with me huh? TELL ME."

*he logged off*

 

I tried calling him after that so many times but he would turn of his phone knowing it was me calling.

 

After that night, I never did anything to reach out to hi or communicate with him AT ALL. No texts, calls, or trying to talk to him in person.

 

And now I'm just having a really hard time moving on. I don't want to get back together tho he's been suck a jerk really. I just can't get why he's such a COWARD. Not being able to break up with me over the phone even or just say it to my face. This guy has been really bad, and I just kept on forgiving him cause I 'loved' him. He would lie to me about drinking, smoking and I let it go and forgave him for that. But the little things I do that bother him, he can't get past. I would never lie to him but he would ALWAYS.

 

I just want to know how I can move on properly cause I have to seem him everyday acting like everything's okay while he can't even END it properly in person. I just really hate his guts. I have this urge to punch him everytime I see him, I just want to break his face for being a coward.

 

So how do I move one with this guy who I have to see everyday (who's a huge flirt btw, he's a dog) and without closure?

darkmoon Established Member

darkmoon

Posted
Posted (edited)

change schools, you expect closure to make you feel better, i don't think closure can mend hurt or broken hearts, tbh, and i do not think it is possible to move on while being in the room as him at school, i know that i couldn't, not a robot, but a person with feelings, just human and overwhelmed with feelings

Edited by darkmoon
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KrisBerry New Member

KrisBerry

Posted
  • Author
Posted (edited)

I really can't change schools! And the worst part is I'm stuck with him for 3 years. If I could change schools, I would but there is no way I can. The only way I get to stop seeing him is if he changes schools. But I doubt that could ever happen. Not unless he gets kicked out for failing everything >:l he doesn't really care about school. Immature and cares more about playing computer games.

Edited by KrisBerry
darkmoon Established Member

darkmoon

Posted
Posted
I really can't change schools! And the worst part is I'm stuck with him for 3 years. If I could change schools, I would but there is no way I can. The only way I get to stop seeing him is if he changes schools. But I doubt that could ever happen. Not unless he gets kicked out for failing everything >:l he doesn't really care about school. Immature and cares more about playing computer games.

 

tell me more about "can't change schools"

who said and why?

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KrisBerry New Member

KrisBerry

Posted
  • Author
Posted

My parents who pay for my tuition

darkmoon Established Member

darkmoon

Posted
Posted (edited)
My parents who pay for my tuition

 

they're not trying to handle this - you are

i've been unlucky in love too, got hurt, which is why i see a crisis here

perhaps they hope you'll feel better soon, and don't see a crisis

 

discuss your grades, how much harder it is to acheive, discuss over dinner, civilised-like, plenty time for everybody to express themselves pleasantly

 

sadly they are hoping for something you can no longer promise, due to pain that is, you can't promise them good marks, tell them that

 

tell them you are being forced to live in the past, paying him no attention is not working out, and that you are so desperate that you are having to go outside the family circle here

 

tell them that you no longer have the simple set of emotions of a child, but are emerging as a young woman with a very highly-strung out-look, making you more emotional than most, as is evident tbh, not a crime, but i'm sorry xx

 

try saying these things over dinner, pleasantly, idk what else to say

so all the best

Edited by darkmoon
TaraMaiden Established Member

TaraMaiden

Posted
Posted

darkmoon, I'm sorry, you're being totally unrealistic. She's a young girl, dependent on her parents to fund her schooling - and honestly, moving schools is not always easy- for a start she has to enrol elsewhere and be accepted! And it all takes time, so it wouldn't be an overnight transfer....

 

Jeesh... she needs something to work with - NOW!

 

KrisBerry, read your post again, but this time, as if you were a complete and utter stranger to the 'person' posting.

What would you advise?

 

The poor girl is making far too much of this - isn't she?

I mean, look at how long her parents have been married - don't you think they would feel so much more about their break-up than 'the OP' does?

so really, it wasn't too much of a 'big deal' relationship....

And look at the way he's treating 'her'... what girl in her right mind would consider that acceptable or even remotely reasonable?

 

I mean to say....!!

 

Read the No Contact Guide in my signature (recent update).

 

I know you have to see him every day, for the next 3 years - but it won't last that long....the feeling, I mean.

 

Print this out, or write it everywhere you can, so you see it often:

 

"It's the person who cares the least, who controls the most.

 

In other words, you have to 'pretend' you're over this.

Go No Contact, in that you avoid looking at him, speaking to him or interacting with him at all - other than at times when it is absolutely, completely, essential, for school work only.

Any other time, blank him off, ignore him, delete his number off your phone and block it, delete/block him on FB, do the same with emails.... in other words, deny him complete access to you.

 

If he tries to text you, reply - the instant you get a text - with the following:

 

"Your message could not be delivered because the recipient has blocked this number"

 

Exactly like that.

 

Get a grip, you're worth so much more..... And shoulders back, head up, and breathe deep.

 

let go.

move on.

 

You'll soon find - providing you stick to this like glue, and never relent or weaken - that this guy is going to be a definite screw-up.

Sad - but rather him than you.....

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KrisBerry New Member

KrisBerry

Posted
  • Author
Posted

TaraMaiden

thank you so much for your reply. I just get really overwhelmed whenever I see him. Acting normal and being happy. And thank you for backing me up on the whole switching schools thing. This guy is not worth it for me to switch schools. I have bestfriends in that college and one boy isn't worth me giving up more important relationships.

 

The worst part of me is that he's one of the trouble makers. The guys who are always getting called for being too loud, so I get to hear his voice almost all the time. And then he starts flirting with other girls in class. ugghhhhh

 

Yes he is going to be a definite screw up. I was one of those people you know, who thought I could change someone through love. I helped him lessen his smoking habits when we were together and didn't agree with him drinking all the time. He was even a stoner before we were together.

darkmoon Established Member

darkmoon

Posted
Posted (edited)
darkmoon, I'm sorry, you're being totally unrealistic. She's a young girl, dependent on her parents to fund her schooling - and honestly, moving schools is not always easy- for a start she has to enrol elsewhere and be accepted! And it all takes time, so it wouldn't be an overnight transfer....

 

Jeesh... she needs something to work with - NOW!

 

KrisBerry, read your post again, but this time, as if you were a complete and utter stranger to the 'person' posting.

What would you advise?

 

The poor girl is making far too much of this - isn't she?

I mean, look at how long her parents have been married - don't you think they would feel so much more about their break-up than 'the OP' does?

so really, it wasn't too much of a 'big deal' relationship....

And look at the way he's treating 'her'... what girl in her right mind would consider that acceptable or even remotely reasonable?

 

I mean to say....!!

 

Read the No Contact Guide in my signature (recent update).

 

I know you have to see him every day, for the next 3 years - but it won't last that long....the feeling, I mean.

 

Print this out, or write it everywhere you can, so you see it often:

 

"It's the person who cares the least, who controls the most.

 

In other words, you have to 'pretend' you're over this.

Go No Contact, in that you avoid looking at him, speaking to him or interacting with him at all - other than at times when it is absolutely, completely, essential, for school work only.

Any other time, blank him off, ignore him, delete his number off your phone and block it, delete/block him on FB, do the same with emails.... in other words, deny him complete access to you.

 

If he tries to text you, reply - the instant you get a text - with the following:

 

"Your message could not be delivered because the recipient has blocked this number"

 

Exactly like that.

 

Get a grip, you're worth so much more..... And shoulders back, head up, and breathe deep.

 

let go.

move on.

 

You'll soon find - providing you stick to this like glue, and never relent or weaken - that this guy is going to be a definite screw-up.

Sad - but rather him than you.....

 

@ Tara - quoting you writing me, you said -

 

"I'm sorry, you're being totally unrealistic. She's a young girl, dependent on her parents to fund her schooling - and honestly, moving schools is not always easy- for a start she has to enrol elsewhere and be accepted! And it all takes time, so it wouldn't be an overnight transfer...."

 

Tara - at no point do you state how changing schools is not actually possible, in spite of setting out establish that by call me unrealistic - can you please also justify expecting her to handle her emotions and guarantee, here guarantee, that she'll be fine without/without messing up her schooling?

Edited by darkmoon
TaraMaiden Established Member

TaraMaiden

Posted
Posted

No, I never said it was impossible, I said it was unrealistic. She is not in total control of her circumstances, and changing schools would be an impractical and long-winded way of confronting the problem. Her more immediate urgency was how to deal with the situation, in here current position.

And 'running away' or absenting yourself from a tricky situation, isn't always the most favourable choice - sometimes, we need to know how to handle things head on.

  • Like 1
TaraMaiden Established Member

TaraMaiden

Posted
Posted
@ Tara - quoting you writing me, you said -

 

"I'm sorry, you're being totally unrealistic. She's a young girl, dependent on her parents to fund her schooling - and honestly, moving schools is not always easy- for a start she has to enrol elsewhere and be accepted! And it all takes time, so it wouldn't be an overnight transfer...."

 

Tara - at no point do you state how changing schools is not actually possible, in spite of setting out establish that by call me unrealistic - can you please also justify expecting her to handle her emotions and guarantee, here guarantee, that she'll be fine without/without messing up her schooling?

 

Also, her reply is good enough for me, to know i was right. ;)

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