Couldntbemoreupset Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 Hi all, Almost comforting that there are other people on here with similar problems. Well mine could take a while. So I spent 3.5 years with the most amazing girl. The love of my life, undoubtedly. I believe her to be the most beautiful person outside and in and I basically screwed it all up. On Friday night she broke up with me....and my world collapsed. She said she wasnt in love, hadnt been for a year and had been fighting the feeling for a long time. We have been arguing, often and at times visciously. At times with too much drink I just say the most ridiculous things. The last time was New Years Eve. Since then we had got back together but she said that she had never felt the same since and she needed out of the relationship if she was ever to be happy. She is an amazing girl, and will find an equally amazing guy in no time. Thats not to be disparaging of her as I know she is certainly no bed hopper. I'm 27, she's 29. The prospect of this terrifies me. To make matters worse I went on a bit of a binge after this and on Saturday was threatening suicide and just behaving like an absolute moron as my emotions had gotten the better of me. This only proves to her that she made the right decison. More than that, the only thing that makes me feel any better is being in contact with her....I've bombarded the poor girl with messages and calls, I suppose all of the overbearing behaviour that made her leave in the first place. She reckons she couldnt move on in our relationship, next steps etc. I'll be honest I know why I have been argumentative with her. I was a recovered gambling addict and had not gambled for years. For around 9 months I have again gambled fairly regularly (not losing much money but sending my emotions and moods all over the place - but im scared that telling her this will just make her view me as some wreck and damaged goods). I have projected all of this onto her as my safety blanket. I have stopped this again since NYE as I recognised it was badly affecting my personality. She knows nothing of this problem. I know I can come good for her. I shower her with love and nothing she ever asks could be too much. I know the parts of my character that she dislikes have been caused by this gambling mood swings....but fear telling her this will only make her say 'im so glad I left him now if he's doing that'. We are both professional people who have good stable jobs. We spoke last night and she seems adamant she will not give it another shot, but I know she will miss me, we were so close. Laterly the relationship was a disaster (owing to my demons) but I have had the fright I need to come good for her and go back to the guy I was at the start....but cant explain that to her without mentioning this embarrassing problem. She has asked me to stop contacting her as it is making it harder for us both. I know my contact is doing the opposite of what I want it to. I am terrified that no contact will make her forget me. She tells me that the few days since we broke up, she feels a sigh of relief. She said she will miss me like crazy as I am so intertwined in her life, but that that isnt enough reason to stay together. That she has love for me, but is no longer in love. I'm in love with her, but understand why she wouldnt have been with me. Help!!!!! Questions, Am I beat? Will time make her feel different and how much? What should/can I do to get her back? How long of NC for her to really feel the yearn for it back...or is it gone. Im desperate. Thanks
cdt76 Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 I don't think you can get her back my friend. If she had been contemplating this for a year, I believe everything you did with the bombardment, reinforced her decision to leave you. Now, crazier things have happened. But I feel the only thing for you to do is heal. Work on you. Fix the things inside you that created the controversies, back off the drinking. The NC is for you brother. Not for her. It's for you to learn to live on your own with your own thoughts, activities, friends, life. It's not a tool that will create a bond between you two. That bond was broken a year ago.
mammasita Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 I also think the only thing you can do at this point is focus on yourself. Work on your issues and become a better person FOR YOU, don't do it in hopes of getting her back.
Author Couldntbemoreupset Posted February 5, 2013 Author Posted February 5, 2013 Hi guys. I appreciate your contact. THe last year has not been all bad. We have been really there for each other at times. I honestly dont know how to live without her.....i need to try. she never seems to repel me face to face. So i thought wait a couple of weeks and go over to hers? Or is this crazy?
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