Ex wants to date me and others

[maxwarner]

Okay, my ex-girlfriend has really begun to confuse me lately and I'm not sure what to do...I'll try and keep this brief, but I doubt it will happen.

 

I'm 29, she's 28 and we dated for almost two years. We broke up kind of awkwardly one night after having a deep conversation about the future. She told me that she just didn't know where I fit in her life. Unlike a lot of others, we didn't break up after a huge fight or dishonest acts...in fact, I had no idea that that night would be the last time we'd be a couple.

 

Over the course of the last 9-months, we've both dated other people. She's really pretty and had guys knocking on her door the second it got out that she was single again. She dated a guy 2 months after we broke up whom she thought she was "in love with." We went no-contact from basically the day we broke up (May), until October, when we ran into each other at a mutual friend's Halloween party. The next day we went out for lunch even.

 

From that point on, we would text and see each other at various events. However, she'd randomly go dark for weeks at a time. This also happens when we're texting all day long and then suddenly around evening time she stops responding. This directly correlates to her being on a date or hanging out with another man.

 

Over the past few weeks, we've started hanging out in person a lot more with each other and we've even both referred to it as dating. After a few drinks, she'll tell me how great I am, how no other man is like me, how lucky she was to have me, how she still loves me, blah blah blah. Saturday we spend the entire day together wine tasting, followed by a romantic dinner. We told each other just how much fun we have together and how awesome it is to be with each other.

 

So at the end of the night, we both fall into a kiss and then she pushes away, "I can't, I don't want to lead you on." I said, "it's not leading me on if you believe that this has a legitimate place to go...if we're trying to re-spark what we had and work back into a relationship." She then started in on the fact that I'm dating somebody else (not serious) and that she is also dating somebody else. She said that it's not fair to her, for me to come back into her life and just expect her to stop dating other people.

 

This took me back...she's the one that dumped me. It's almost like she expected me to never date again. I told her that what I had with this other girl wasn't serious...we've gone out on 3-dates. That she (my-ex) is the one I want to be with. That the reason why I'm dating is because I'm single and she (my-ex) hasn't given me anything solid to believe that we have a future together. She just didn't get it...

 

She says that she wants things to just organically happen -- i get that -- but at the same time, pulls back when she starts to lean into me or hold my arm, etc. I told her it's not organic if it feels right and we're both intentionally holding back stuff like that. We're never going to progress...while other people we date, without history, will move forward on this stuff. It's like my hands are being tied.

 

My theory is that I'm not going to play second fiddle to anybody and I'm not going to get used, so that she can have all of the familiar good things we had minus the commitment.

 

So here I am, re-dating my ex I guess, while we're both dating other people? Does that seem right? I don't want to re-date the girl I still love while other guys are taking her out every other night of the week. A huge part of me just wants to go dark and no-contact for awhile. It's so much easier than having to rehash and deal with all of this stuff.

 

Am I being too harsh here?

[TaraMaiden]

My theory is that I'm not going to play second fiddle to anybody and I'm not going to get used, so that she can have all of the familiar good things we had minus the commitment.

...What... like you are right now, you mean?

 

So here I am, re-dating my ex I guess, while we're both dating other people? Does that seem right? I don't want to re-date the girl I still love while other guys are taking her out every other night of the week. A huge part of me just wants to go dark and no-contact for awhile. It's so much easier than having to rehash and deal with all of this stuff.

 

Am I being too harsh here?

 

No, you're being extremely stupid and unfair to the other dates you're with.

 

Your ex is being a tramp. Sorry, but she is.

She's putting it about for all and sundry to savour - but still expects you to go with that??

 

Go Complete, total absolute and definitive, no-nonsense, NO CONTACT.

 

if you wanna know how, read the No Contact Guide, updated 2013, in my signature.

 

And expect to get your ass ripped by others on this forum too, men and women alike.

The std risks you guys are running are terrifying.

 

You may know what you're doing and be confident you're taking the right precautions.

Can you be 100% sure she is?

 

ugh....

 

Grow up, grow a spine, move on and be responsible.

Don't mess with people you're dating, that's just despicable.

[maxwarner]

Tara, thank you for your input, I appreciate it all. However, you're making juxtapositions that don't necessarily exist.

 

First, there's a big difference between going out on dates with people and being exclusive. There's nothing serious between me and anybody right now, nor am I being exclusive with anyone -- everybody is okay with this.

 

Second, you're assuming that we're both just sleeping around, having unprotected sex and living life on the edge. I can't speak for my ex (obviously) but I can say for myself, that I don't just galavant on the town, sleeping with everyone who I have a date with.

 

I agree, no-contact is the way to go. The hard part is when there are mutual engagements and friends -- I will run into her at some point, almost weekly.

 

Thank you for the advice though.

[TaraMaiden]

First, there's a big difference between going out on dates with people and being exclusive. There's nothing serious between me and anybody right now, nor am I being exclusive with anyone -- everybody is okay with this.

And you're equally completely certain that she's doing the same?

 

Second, you're assuming that we're both just sleeping around, having unprotected sex and living life on the edge.

 

I never assumed anything of the kind, please don't make assumptions about me....

But even having one or two casual partners, even with a 'decent period of time' in between them, is no guarantee of safety, even with precautions taken. If you indulge in oral sex, for example, you leave yourself wide open to dangerous possibilities.

How do you know - for sure - your partners are free of any infection?

 

I can't speak for my ex (obviously) but I can say for myself, that I don't just galavant on the town, sleeping with everyone who I have a date with.

If you can't speak for your ex, then to be perfectly blunt, you shouldn't touch her with a barge-pole.

While you might remain relatively confident that you feel you are in no jeopardy from catching anything from your sexual encounters, you have absolutely no way of knowing whose dick her mouth has entertained. Happy kissing.....

 

I agree, no-contact is the way to go. The hard part is when there are mutual engagements and friends -- I will run into her at some point, almost weekly.

No, it's not hard at all. I guess it's as hard - or easy - as you choose to make it.

Read the No Contact Guide. The original author actually had to work alongside his ex.

He managed it fine.....

[destroyed4sho]

Okay, my ex-girlfriend has really begun to confuse me lately and I'm not sure what to do...I'll try and keep this brief, but I doubt it will happen.

 

I'm 29, she's 28 and we dated for almost two years. We broke up kind of awkwardly one night after having a deep conversation about the future. She told me that she just didn't know where I fit in her life. Unlike a lot of others, we didn't break up after a huge fight or dishonest acts...in fact, I had no idea that that night would be the last time we'd be a couple.

?

 

Can you elaborate pls?

[Hopeful714]

WTF Why does everybody just go out and casually F everybody these days?

 

What ever happened to establishing sexual intimacy between 2 people?

 

The future of lasting relationships are doomed do to this type of behavior.

 

Dinner, bang, done.....next?

[crashvector]

WTF Why does everybody just go out and casually F everybody these days?

 

What ever happened to establishing sexual intimacy between 2 people?

 

The future of lasting relationships are doomed do to this type of behavior.

 

Dinner, bang, done.....next?

 

This confuses me as well.

 

I dunno...im just not...capable...of "just" having sex with some woman.

 

Maybe im.strange for man...but ive been.in situations before where it was clear she wanted sex....and i just coukdn't do it. I have to feel a connection first or something in my brain just won't let me go through with it.

 

Yeah, means i havent slept with a lot of women, bit i can honestly say every woman i slept with i was genuinely in love with *before* we were intimate.