Do I have even a sliver of a chance?

[zcolman]

Okay I know that most of you will say move on and all that stuff. I just want everyones opinions on if she might still be confused and still thinking on giving me a chance in the future.

 

Okay bare with me on this. My Ex girlfriend and I broke up 4 month ago. We were dating for a little more then 2 and a half years. She is 23 and I am 27 now. We met in college yoga class. We both graduated and started our careers. together, I was her first and me and her were/are deeply in love. She grow up in a smaller town and was more sheltered, doesnt party but does more positive activities. I on the other hand grow up in a different small town, grow up with lots of things negative in my life. Basically Iv'e been through a lot and she always didn't think it was all normal but lived with it.

 

So we moved in 2 months before she broke it off, I was in the process of quitting drinking,(wasnt an alcoholic) I just liked to hang with my friends once a week. She didnt see going out like that as normal and didnt like it when I drank. So I was stopping. Basically one night she said she couldnt handle it anymore or trust me, even though I told her everything(process and how I felt and was trying to get it/negative influences out of my life)

 

For the first three months of the break-up we would text back and forth. Me starting it a little more then her, but we both did it, she always said she just didnt know and she needed more time. I understood, I gave her notes once a month with my progress and how I was doing. She enjoyed them and we would text back and forth over them. But she never would really listen to my side, always saying it was my fault. I was the major factor but she still had her things to grow on. I didnt ever bring them up because she broke up with me, I stood by her through ALOT.

 

I quit drinking the day after the break-up, and havent touched it since. I also have been going to counciling and learned my anxiety was my main problem. I have gotten back into running and actaully finding new friends.

 

Basically at the end of the 3rd month I gave her a letter saying we should take 1 month of not talking to clear our heads etc. I also gave her a journal and I had one and said we would swap after the 30 days. We talked the rest of the night and and she said she missed me and that the 30 days would make her miss me more and that it would help her reflect.(note she mentioned alot that it would be a year before she would concider taking me back or "a few months isnt enough to to consider taking me back.

 

So note that we have an apartment together which she left and I only made her pay until the end of the 3 months and found a positive roomate to move in. But her name is still on the lease until I find a perm roomate, also still had a joint bank account.

 

Well during the 30 days we both broke the no contact 1, fist time i did and was stupid and asked her if she met someone, total emotional, but we ended it nicely with a half moon text each(signified we were next to eachother) The second time she broke it because we dont use the bank account anymore due to me now paying all the bills myself through my account. Well one of our auto payments didnt turn off like it was suppose to so it went in negative. She texted me and told me about it so I fixed it. That was it for the no contact except for her checking my calorie app the day after she contacted me to see if I was working out. (good sign I thought)

 

Well the end of the no-contact came and two days before it she put her journal in my mail box. The first 10 enteries were great talking about how she was remembering goodtimes, missed me, also how she still took me for granted and didnt think I was letting go. well funny thing was she last wrote her good entry on the same day as the account going negative. Her saying in the journal she thought i did it on purpose to talk to her(crazy right) well she didnt write in it again until 6 days later with a 10 page entry on how she loved me but couldnt be with me, that she dint even try and miss me and just distracted herself as much as possible to not feel hurt. I thought it was starnge how she changed out of nowhere in her entries. Funny thing is she was so mixed in her last entry. telling me she will love me forever, I changed her life, she still sleeps with poo bear(stuffed animal I gave her when we first started dating) wrote love after the entry and even wrote a note in the beginning telling me "what until the end of this weekend before contacting me, if you want to at all"

 

The thing that angered me was she told me she didnt want my journal, saying she felt she would have known what it said. So the thing that sucked here is I already had a lilly being sent to her house the next day with a video montage I made for her and couldnt cancel it. So i ignored her after the journal so emotions didnt go crazy. The next day I emailed her letting her know that the flower was being sent (so she didnt think i planned it last minute) and letting her know that the no-contact did what it was suppose and hopefully we can start fresh at some point and no expectations, fear or talk about the old relationship right now.

 

She emailed me back 2 days later thanking me for the flower and montage, aying "yes the timing seemed off due to the journal she wrote me, but it was still wonderful and she loved it. That I trained her eyes in the montage(im a designer)

 

I wrote her back the next day, short just saying I enjoyed making it and happy she enjoyed it. The next day i called her and left her a voice mail telling her I finally shut down the bank account(she was always weird about money stuff) she wote me an email right after thanking me for doing it and she super duper appreciated it.

 

Now I understand now that I might have put to much pressure on her doing all the wrong thing with talking to soon about the old relationship etc. I felt she just felt pressured and thought I would expect to much after the 30 days and so was confused with the pressure and got scared(she always hides)

 

Now I am wondering what everyone thinks I havent contacted her back after that email last week. Saying now that she needs time and space, but am still unsure if I blew it or a fresh start could happen over time. She says she loves me to death still but tries not to think about it as she will die if she does.

 

Also I found out yesterday from a friend that she told an old friend(guy that i hated she started talking to again) has been harrassing her, that she started the friendship back up with him, now he is trying to push her into a relationship and she said she doesnt want a relationship right now. She hasnt seen him only text, but is ignoring him at times and getting nasty with him, basically dug her own grave on that one, but it still scares me.

 

What does everyone think, should I just give it sometime and hopefully see if she comes back around since I really think she is just confused with me and my growth or not. I love her and I know she loves me.

[williamshakespeare]

Sorry for your pain bud:

 

I'm a little unclear as to why you guys broke up to begin with

 

and I'm concerned about the 10 day gap in her journal - any thoughts?

 

and

 

above all:

 

Why are you making all the efforts here?

 

That is not a good sign.

[williamshakespeare]

My guess is that TaraMaiden - a very wise person - is going to come online in a bit and advise you to cut your losses and go NC.

[zcolman]

Well I am kind of going No-Contact right now, I feel she is still taking me for granted still.

 

I was worried about the gap in days as well, but she actually skipped like 6 pages when she did it. My thoughts is she was scared to know if she was going to write it or not, and left blank pages unless she wanted to change her mind. Just more confusion in her mind i think. But ya was thinking there might be another guy which scares me, but with how emotional she was in the journal, I dont think she would be in the mindset for that espacailly with how she is a good girl lol

 

Ya im scared about how it is all my effert as well, but the way she has acted think she is just still afraid. To consider, I feel i need to move on and gain my confidence back before I try again...

[williamshakespeare]

Yeah I like your approach:

 

Take some time, work on yourself.....you never know what the future holds.

[AlexfromBoston]

Okay I know that most of you will say move on and all that stuff. I just want everyones opinions on if she might still be confused and still thinking on giving me a chance in the future.

 

Okay bare with me on this. My Ex girlfriend and I broke up 4 month ago. We were dating for a little more then 2 and a half years. She is 23 and I am 27 now. We met in college yoga class. We both graduated and started our careers. together, I was her first and me and her were/are deeply in love. She grow up in a smaller town and was more sheltered, doesnt party but does more positive activities. I on the other hand grow up in a different small town, grow up with lots of things negative in my life. Basically Iv'e been through a lot and she always didn't think it was all normal but lived with it.

 

So we moved in 2 months before she broke it off, I was in the process of quitting drinking,(wasnt an alcoholic) I just liked to hang with my friends once a week. She didnt see going out like that as normal and didnt like it when I drank. So I was stopping. Basically one night she said she couldnt handle it anymore or trust me, even though I told her everything(process and how I felt and was trying to get it/negative influences out of my life)

 

For the first three months of the break-up we would text back and forth. Me starting it a little more then her, but we both did it, she always said she just didnt know and she needed more time. I understood, I gave her notes once a month with my progress and how I was doing. She enjoyed them and we would text back and forth over them. But she never would really listen to my side, always saying it was my fault. I was the major factor but she still had her things to grow on. I didnt ever bring them up because she broke up with me, I stood by her through ALOT.

 

I quit drinking the day after the break-up, and havent touched it since. I also have been going to counciling and learned my anxiety was my main problem. I have gotten back into running and actaully finding new friends.

 

Basically at the end of the 3rd month I gave her a letter saying we should take 1 month of not talking to clear our heads etc. I also gave her a journal and I had one and said we would swap after the 30 days. We talked the rest of the night and and she said she missed me and that the 30 days would make her miss me more and that it would help her reflect.(note she mentioned alot that it would be a year before she would concider taking me back or "a few months isnt enough to to consider taking me back.

 

So note that we have an apartment together which she left and I only made her pay until the end of the 3 months and found a positive roomate to move in. But her name is still on the lease until I find a perm roomate, also still had a joint bank account.

 

Well during the 30 days we both broke the no contact 1, fist time i did and was stupid and asked her if she met someone, total emotional, but we ended it nicely with a half moon text each(signified we were next to eachother) The second time she broke it because we dont use the bank account anymore due to me now paying all the bills myself through my account. Well one of our auto payments didnt turn off like it was suppose to so it went in negative. She texted me and told me about it so I fixed it. That was it for the no contact except for her checking my calorie app the day after she contacted me to see if I was working out. (good sign I thought)

 

Well the end of the no-contact came and two days before it she put her journal in my mail box. The first 10 enteries were great talking about how she was remembering goodtimes, missed me, also how she still took me for granted and didnt think I was letting go. well funny thing was she last wrote her good entry on the same day as the account going negative. Her saying in the journal she thought i did it on purpose to talk to her(crazy right) well she didnt write in it again until 6 days later with a 10 page entry on how she loved me but couldnt be with me, that she dint even try and miss me and just distracted herself as much as possible to not feel hurt. I thought it was starnge how she changed out of nowhere in her entries. Funny thing is she was so mixed in her last entry. telling me she will love me forever, I changed her life, she still sleeps with poo bear(stuffed animal I gave her when we first started dating) wrote love after the entry and even wrote a note in the beginning telling me "what until the end of this weekend before contacting me, if you want to at all"

 

The thing that angered me was she told me she didnt want my journal, saying she felt she would have known what it said. So the thing that sucked here is I already had a lilly being sent to her house the next day with a video montage I made for her and couldnt cancel it. So i ignored her after the journal so emotions didnt go crazy. The next day I emailed her letting her know that the flower was being sent (so she didnt think i planned it last minute) and letting her know that the no-contact did what it was suppose and hopefully we can start fresh at some point and no expectations, fear or talk about the old relationship right now.

 

She emailed me back 2 days later thanking me for the flower and montage, aying "yes the timing seemed off due to the journal she wrote me, but it was still wonderful and she loved it. That I trained her eyes in the montage(im a designer)

 

I wrote her back the next day, short just saying I enjoyed making it and happy she enjoyed it. The next day i called her and left her a voice mail telling her I finally shut down the bank account(she was always weird about money stuff) she wote me an email right after thanking me for doing it and she super duper appreciated it.

 

Now I understand now that I might have put to much pressure on her doing all the wrong thing with talking to soon about the old relationship etc. I felt she just felt pressured and thought I would expect to much after the 30 days and so was confused with the pressure and got scared(she always hides)

 

Now I am wondering what everyone thinks I havent contacted her back after that email last week. Saying now that she needs time and space, but am still unsure if I blew it or a fresh start could happen over time. She says she loves me to death still but tries not to think about it as she will die if she does.

 

Also I found out yesterday from a friend that she told an old friend(guy that i hated she started talking to again) has been harrassing her, that she started the friendship back up with him, now he is trying to push her into a relationship and she said she doesnt want a relationship right now. She hasnt seen him only text, but is ignoring him at times and getting nasty with him, basically dug her own grave on that one, but it still scares me.

 

What does everyone think, should I just give it sometime and hopefully see if she comes back around since I really think she is just confused with me and my growth or not. I love her and I know she loves me.

 

It seems as though she just lost that special spark and isn't interested in a relationship anymore...well at least with you. And as William pointed out...it seems like you are the only one putting forth any effort. Thats usually a bad sign right there. In my opinion, the journal idea and the video montage seems very weird and contrived to me. It almost seems as though you are trying to engage in a "Nicholas Sparks-esque" rescue mission...trying to save a failed and perhaps doomed relationship. This overly romantic notion that pouring your feelings onto a piece of paper or on a DVD is not going to win back a girl. In fact, 9 times out of 10, it'll weird her out or scare her away. You basically need to tell her to "f**k off" and tell her to lose your number...not let her know that you need time to "heal". For instance, my girl broke it off with me as if she was flipping a light switch...she came over one day, had dinner, watched a movie and she basically stated the dreaded, "I still care for you, but I think I need to take some time to see what I really want..yada yada yada...". Well, instead of begging for her to come back, I got mad, remained cool and calmly told her to...and I quote, "ok, now go grab your things and get out of my house...im serious". She kept asking if I was mad, begging me to talk, and I basically maintained calm and told her we can talk about it another day but I didn't want to see her face right now. I also accused her of meeting another guy(which I later found out was not the case) and proceeded to ignore her calls for the entire weekend(which was intentional as I didn't want to be bothered when hanging with my friends). Eventually she came crawling back and I noticed that women love A-holes....they don't want overly emotional men. So be cold and calculating and ignore her and give her some crap for breaking your heart.

[zcolman]

Your Right, I just wished I did that earlier, I feel it might be to late now to do that process.

[AlexfromBoston]

Your Right, I just wished I did that earlier, I feel it might be to late now to do that process.

 

Nah, if it was meant to be it'll happen. Give her some time and space.

[zcolman]

during that time not being needy and working on myself will help bring me back to that attractive man that she once fell for. Positive and patience is key.

[salem mark]

Zcolman, let her do all the work, trust me.

 

My advice , work on yousrelf, date other people and if she come back do it on your terms.

 

But, generally speaking, I believe its over, sorry to be direct, the truth can hurt