JuneJulySeptember Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 I just read a post that reminded me of something I do. Whenever one of my Facebook friends breaks up with their partner, I can usually tell. They usually have pics all over the place with their beau for weeks or months and then the next month, just a profile pic of either just themselves or with a new guy/gal. Anyway, I'm just nosy by nature and usually check to see if they've stayed in contact with the ex. Most always, they've deleted the person from Facebook and all pics. Which is kind of funny to me, I've never wished anything bad to my exes (the very few of them), and at least remain Facebook friends with them. Others completely cut all contact with someone they may have dated for like a month. Is there are reason to delete all contact when there wasn't a bad breakup and there wasn't raging emotional attraction? Seems to me it's just something people do because it's 'the thing to do'.
Eternal Sunshine Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 Nope, I never want to. Not even for short term. I feel better in moving on if we have some light contact and are on friendly terms. I don't get NC at all. However, in my last R, the choice was taken away from me because my ex wants strict NC and has deleted me off FB. He doesn't believe in staying friends.
kaylan Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 In order to expedite moving on, and to prevent drama in new relationships, I always go full NC. And I get rid of all reminders of the person too. Works for me. 5
Maneater Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 I don't think it's just bc it's the thing to do. Some people do not want any reminders of their ex to linger with them. Out of sight, out of mind. Depends on the situation. 3
Author JuneJulySeptember Posted February 5, 2013 Author Posted February 5, 2013 I don't think it's just bc it's the thing to do. Some people do not want any reminders of their ex to linger with them. Out of sight, out of mind. Depends on the situation. I understand if it was a bad breakup or an intense or long relationship, but otherwise, I don't really get it.
Pyro Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 Is there are reason to delete all contact when there wasn't a bad breakup and there wasn't raging emotional attraction? Seems to me it's just something people do because it's 'the thing to do'. As long as the break-up was not bad and the attraction isn't there then staying friends shouldn't be a problem. For me though I have tried it twice. The first time I stayed friends with her in hopes of getting back together.....lesson learned. The second time another ex and I stayed friends, but this time it was her who did it in hopes of getting back together......lesson learned again. If there is any sort of attraction from either party then do not remain friends after the break-up. The problem is that it is tough to tell if the attraction is still there from the other person. 1
Eternal Sunshine Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 It's an artificial way of dealing with it though. The person hasn't died. Romantic relationships are so bizarre. You have this person that you are super close to and share everything with, then it's over and you never speak to them again. WTF. And for some, they are in new relationships two weeks later. Then rinse repeat. I just don't work like that. It makes no sense to me. 7
runningfar Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 I am friends with my exes. I am friends before the relationship, and there's something there for after. Maybe a period of reduced contact (needed that with my ex husband) until it can be truly friendly. Contact is hardly Facebook, though. 1
RogerWallace111 Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 It's an artificial way of dealing with it though. The person hasn't died. Romantic relationships are so bizarre. You have this person that you are super close to and share everything with, then it's over and you never speak to them again. WTF. And for some, they are in new relationships two weeks later. Then rinse repeat. I just don't work like that. It makes no sense to me. It is bizarre... I hear ya. That being said, I'm in the strict no contact boat. In the past I didn't care either way, because previous to my one real, long term relationship, I never dated or hooked-up with the same girl for long enough to develop a serious attachment. If you're really "over" the person and no part of you desires being with them, being friends is awesome and optimal. But my last one, after 3.5 years... I couldn't take seeing her but not being her man. It's as simple as that. There were three "breakups" in our relationship- the first one was my doing and we tried to remain friends after. Which was indeed easier as the dumper than the dumpee, it would turn out. But the friendship turned to fwb's, and after several months, being back together. Second one was her doing, and I agreed to try to maintain a "friendship" but after a week I knew I was just torturing myself, and that I wanted it all or nothing. This last time, her doing again, didn't even entertain the thought. Even if I found the concept generally doable and less torturous, the possibility of her convincing me to "give it another shot" as she's been able to twice in the past is an extra deterrent. Even though now, coming up on 5 months later, and thoroughly enjoying single life, no amount of tearful begging could get me back in that trap.
MrCastle Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 I have a flair for the dramatic. I'll cut contact with someone for the smallest things. If I had an ex, an actual former girlfriend, you can bet that chick is getting NC'd Something obviously happened between us that caused us to break up. I see no point in talking to her. 3
RogerWallace111 Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 I am friends with my exes. I am friends before the relationship, and there's something there for after. Maybe a period of reduced contact (needed that with my ex husband) until it can be truly friendly. Contact is hardly Facebook, though. Wish it were like that for me, that's how it should be. Was never friends with my one real ex, sh*t was romantic from the day I met her. I even thought throughout our relationship that we were so different we likely wouldn't ever have been compatible as "friends", and that bothered me. Especially considering how many people throughout my life I'd heard say that the strongest, realest relationships form out of friendships. I feel like that makes for less chance of developing unhealthy co-dependency, trust issues, etc...
Author JuneJulySeptember Posted February 5, 2013 Author Posted February 5, 2013 If there is any sort of attraction from either party then do not remain friends after the break-up. The problem is that it is tough to tell if the attraction is still there from the other person. As long as she still has a vagina, there will be 'some' sexual attraction from my end. But there may be no emotional attraction. And without that, I can totally be friends. One ex is fun. We go and get plastered and get stupid. I have a flair for the dramatic. I'll cut contact with someone for the smallest things. If I had an ex, an actual former girlfriend, you can bet that chick is getting NC'd Something obviously happened between us that caused us to break up. I see no point in talking to her. You've never had a real relationship before, Mr. C?
MrCastle Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 You've never had a real relationship before, Mr. C? Technically, no. I had one girl I called my "girlfriend", but I was a young pup. We were teens, didn't do anything, and it lasted a hot 3 weeks. I've since been retired from the relationship game
TaurusTerp Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 Still in touch with probably 75% of my exes, but my relationships dont generally end on a terrible note and we got along well at some point, so obviously we're capable of having a good time together. Plus, if both parties are single, we can still have sex.
Pyro Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 As long as she still has a vagina, there will be 'some' sexual attraction from my end. But there may be no emotional attraction. And without that, I can totally be friends. One ex is fun. We go and get plastered and get stupid. If you can tolerate a friendship even with the sexual attraction then by all means.
tbf Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 Currently, four exes have maintained contact and remain in our lives. H has met them all and is also friends with a couple of them. There's no attraction left. The relationships were in the past and are over. That we share common interests help to maintain the friendships but I will admit that if the guys didn't contact, I wouldn't contact them first.
Talak7 Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 I usually go nc for the sake of taking some time for myself to not say things that are in the heat of emotion. A lot of times it depends- If a girl wrongs me - lies or is dishonest about what they want - then I don't care to be Frieda mosly just because who wants friends like that? If they just aren't into me I take time for myself and try to be friends when I'm more or less over it. But I'm always polite an cordial in public and in communications. Exes from years ago? Oh totally we go get drinks sometimes. Great way to meet girls - and being friends with your ex says a lot about you to other women.
Eternal Sunshine Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 I usually go nc for the sake of taking some time for myself to not say things that are in the heat of emotion. A lot of times it depends- If a girl wrongs me - lies or is dishonest about what they want - then I don't care to be Frieda mosly just because who wants friends like that? If they just aren't into me I take time for myself and try to be friends when I'm more or less over it. But I'm always polite an cordial in public and in communications. Exes from years ago? Oh totally we go get drinks sometimes. Great way to meet girls - and being friends with your ex says a lot about you to other women. I have had a couple that have wronged me in a major way. Lied and/or cheated. In both cases, some time after the ending they have apologized and asked for forgiveness and wanted to remain friends. At the time of their apology, my feelings and any hurt over what happened were long gone. So I accepted their apology and we remain in light contact. Peaceful resolutions make me feel good.
MrCastle Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 Peaceful resolutions make me feel good. I like the resolutions that end with them crying over losing me and me laughing at them.
TheFinalWord Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 I have had a couple that have wronged me in a major way. Lied and/or cheated. In both cases, some time after the ending they have apologized and asked for forgiveness and wanted to remain friends. At the time of their apology, my feelings and any hurt over what happened were long gone. So I accepted their apology and we remain in light contact. Peaceful resolutions make me feel good. Courageous, forgiving, peacemaker...I'm keeping a tally of your high quality characteristics. You can put these on your next OLD profile and if they don't believe or want more info, they can PM me 1
Emilia Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 All my break ups were emotional but none of them were nasty and a result of cheating or some other kind of extreme betrayal. I usually miss their friendship and try to stay in touch though not necessarily on facebook. There is one ex whom I like hearing from occasionally but couldn't bear seeing his photos with some other girl, not likely to meet up with him either. I don't mind the odd phone call though, I can control my emotions with light control but getting too close wouldn't be good. With others it's not a problem.
MyPoutine Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 My ex wanted to have a coffee with his first gf and that ticked me off. Ex's should remain in the past unless you share children or have property to divvy up. 1
Emilia Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 My ex wanted to have a coffee with his first gf and that ticked me off. Ex's should remain in the past unless you share children or have property to divvy up. Nah, that never bothers me. I had boyfriends catching up with ex girlfriends over a coffee but that never made me jealous. I think if I thought a guy wasn't over his ex I wouldn't date him. 2
candie13 Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 Well, let's put it this way: the exes I wanted to stay in contact, NC me, and those who wanted to stay in touch got the NC from me. Just one guy, the exception that confirms the rule, that's it. I hardly ever add my dates on FB, that's for my friends... I don't put cute lovey dovey pics - not even when I have them (happened once in 2 years). Clean break ups. Do I want to stay in touch? Maybe, with some, but that's usually a bad idea, because if I dated them at some point, it meant that I liked them, as a person and would most likely enjoy their FB posts, music, etc. So I guess my ex-bf-free-reality is ok just the way it is. I am keeping in contact with the last guy I was seeing and would like to have him in my life. He is a pretty great person, but unfortunately he's a bit involved, still, and I am expecting him to NC me, when he realizes it / when he will realize that there's no return possible... I don't pressure him into staying in touch, but I do follow up - have a bite together and a good chat - when he asks.
soccerrprp Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 I do not. I am in near daily contact with 2 of my exes. And recently seemed to have lost touch with two others that I was communicating with weekly. Strangely enough, the latter two seemed to have dropped off the face of the earth since I change my number (I gave it to them and know that they know it) and since I started dating new gf (they don't know about her yet). Anyhoo, no, I try to maintain a relationship with exes as far as they are comfortable with it.
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