SJC2008 Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 I've heard this a lot on this forum. I don't see how this is true when most people are coupled up or married. I've ALWAYS been one of the few single ones at every job I've had since I was 23/24 (the age where most people have had at least one R) and I'm 31. Sure there are players out there but how many men are true players? So, where did this myth come from?
Pyro Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 Just like everything else when it comes to dating, some men want a relationship and some do not. Some men can't handle being alone so they will get into a relationship whether or not they really want it. (Part of the divorce stats IMO) Sometimes I hear the lame excuse that guys are forced/pressured into a relationship. For me my arm was never twisted into entering a relationship. I wanted it. 1
MrCastle Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 I don't know. I play the field. Now, on LS, that means I tell a girl whatever she wants to hear in order to get in her pants, bang her, cum on her face, take pictures, throw her out of my house, and then upload the pictures to an amateur porn site, all while laughing menacingly and petting a cat like a bad guy in a James Bond film. When I stop being a monster (See: When I decide to no longer be single) I will enter a relationship with someone I have serious feelings for. 1
kaylan Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 When women say this, they mean "the guys I choose never want relationships. I choose the wrong men" 4
fortyninethousand322 Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 It means "desirable men usually don't want a relationship". Which is true. Usually. 2
candie13 Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 I don't think true players are like that because they set their mind to it, it's just how they are. They either want more or aren't easily satisfied or crave more attention from more women, have this strong personality that suck the weaker ones in, or are emotionally unavailable or immature... or just get bored easily. I don't believe in "they don't want a relationship" part. They simply haven't met their match, have been on top of their game and didn't let themselves get hurt. Or gotten hurt early and decided to never open up again. Getting involved, opening up is a sign of maturity, some people just never do. I believe that these men provide excitement, I believe they have a strong charisma, like a breath of fresh air. People / women like having them around, they are playful and endearing and sexy, all in the same time. Sometimes, I think that they even want to settle, but don't know how. Ask for things that are unreasonable, or act in an unreasonable way because it's what they do and girls leave... hurting them and in a weird way, reinforcing their behavior (shield up, play the field). Yes, I do believe there are men not ready for a relationship. And it is important that they understand it, recognize it, accept it and sew their wild oats (hopefully that's how you say it) and not make any decent woman who is ready for a relationship waste their time - that would be my request, it's where I always get tricked ( by the way, if you ever hear "you are so special, I feel like I want to slow down, I think I am ready for a relationship now", "I want you to meet my family", "are you sure you are ready to meet all my three sisters and my mother? four women are difficult to handle", run for the hills ) It's a phase. As long as they're not lying to get laid, I look at them as if they were a different breed. Like wild horses.
candie13 Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 I don't know. I play the field. Now, on LS, that means I tell a girl whatever she wants to hear in order to get in her pants, bang her, cum on her face, take pictures, throw her out of my house, and then upload the pictures to an amateur porn site, all while laughing menacingly and petting a cat like a bad guy in a James Bond film. When I stop being a monster (See: When I decide to no longer be single) I will enter a relationship with someone I have serious feelings for. oh well... at least he's a cat person... 1
mesmerized Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 It's not a myth. There is a considerable number of men in their twenties and even thirties that just want to date around and not get involved. And if you do the math, that means a lot of women will end up not being able to find a relationship. 1
Revolver Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 It means "the guys I want don't want relationships"
candie13 Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 It's not a myth... And if you do the math, that means a lot of women will end up not being able to find a relationship. ..straight away, that is. You learn to identify a player, eventually, after getting fooled a couple of times. After that, it's your personal decision to stick around or not, based on how much time you've got to waste. to each, their own, if women like to have some fun, they should def stick around them, those guys can provide quite a bit of entertainment, I tell you that ! 1
pbjbear Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 I have no problem with a man not wanting a relationship. I dont want one at the current moment but I cannot be bothered with FWB's My problem is that over 50% of men that say they dont want one lead women on and lie to get sex. So many say they dont but they do because they dont have alot of options MrCastle is not an example of this. 1
Els Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 There are most certainly some men who want relationships. No effing idea where the myth came from, but I sure as hell don't buy into it.
candie13 Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 I find men who want a relationship a bit off putting... just like I'm sure guys must find women who want a relationship off putting. I choose to believe that the world of men is divided into two: those who absolutely don't want a relationship and the rest...
ltjg45 Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 I'm looking for a relationship but I'm not going to kill myself trying to rush into one. I'm sure it will take me at least 3-4 years before I find and commit to a female.
TouchedByViolet Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 It's a total myth. Many guys including myself prefer relationships over other types of arrangements.
scratch Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 I've heard this a lot on this forum. I don't see how this is true when most people are coupled up or married. I've ALWAYS been one of the few single ones at every job I've had since I was 23/24 (the age where most people have had at least one R) and I'm 31. Sure there are players out there but how many men are true players? So, where did this myth come from? What is a relationship? Must it be a committed, monogamous situation where both parties hope it leads to marriage? Can it be monogamous dating primarily for the sake of safe sex, but not going to lead to marriage or other legal/financial partnership? Can it be the opposite, where people behave like a legal unit but don't have an agreement to be monogamous? Many men want one of these three things, but if it's not the same one the woman wants, it will appear that he doesn't want a relationship. And, it is an oversimplification to think that every woman who wants a relationship wants it to lead to marriage or even permanence. Second, to paraphrase a point made by others, when someone of either gender appears to not want a relationship, it usually means that they don't want a relationship with you. Think about how many times someone said they didn't want one, then started dating someone else, and lo and behold, they become serious. 1
TheGuard13 Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 Pretty much any emotional/physical contact is a relationship. Many men don't want long term relationships. That doesn't mean they don't want relationships.
Author SJC2008 Posted February 5, 2013 Author Posted February 5, 2013 What is a relationship? Must it be a committed, monogamous situation where both parties hope it leads to marriage? Can it be monogamous dating primarily for the sake of safe sex, but not going to lead to marriage or other legal/financial partnership? Can it be the opposite, where people behave like a legal unit but don't have an agreement to be monogamous? Many men want one of these three things, but if it's not the same one the woman wants, it will appear that he doesn't want a relationship. And, it is an oversimplification to think that every woman who wants a relationship wants it to lead to marriage or even permanence. This is where communication comes into play. I would like to get married but I think there is a stronger chance of it not happening for me. Reason being I think it's hard to find people who want the "real deal". Meaning communication, intimacy, self awareness- knowing your problems and bringing them to the table so we can work around them. Nobody is perfect and no two people are alike so IMO any marriage with without those qualities is doomed. So if I was dating a woman who wanted to date for marriage I'd tell her I'm open to it but aren't going to unless xyz from above paragraph is present. I'd date her and if I got to a point where I knew in my heart I couldn't marry her I'd move on, I wouldn't string her along.
pbjbear Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 This is where communication comes into play. I would like to get married but I think there is a stronger chance of it not happening for me. Reason being I think it's hard to find people who want the "real deal". Meaning communication, intimacy, self awareness- knowing your problems and bringing them to the table so we can work around them. Nobody is perfect and no two people are alike so IMO any marriage with without those qualities is doomed. So if I was dating a woman who wanted to date for marriage I'd tell her I'm open to it but aren't going to unless xyz from above paragraph is present. I'd date her and if I got to a point where I knew in my heart I couldn't marry her I'd move on, I wouldn't string her along. You are so awesome... 1
Author SJC2008 Posted February 5, 2013 Author Posted February 5, 2013 (edited) I have no problem with a man not wanting a relationship. I dont want one at the current moment but I cannot be bothered with FWB's My problem is that over 50% of men that say they dont want one lead women on and lie to get sex. So many say they dont but they do because they dont have alot of options MrCastle is not an example of this. Just because you don't have a lot of options doesn't mean you'd string someone along. I agree with you on a lot of your views except this. I have had a decent amount of opportinities to date women I wasn't into but didn't. I could of easily used them for experience and sex but didn't. I even had a thread here a while back about a woman I dated that I tried to get past the attraction. I'm not trying to make my self look like a saint, I've done things in my life I regret and aren't proud of trust me. Edited February 5, 2013 by SJC2008 add
candie13 Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 Pretty much any emotional/physical contact is a relationship. Many men don't want long term relationships. That doesn't mean they don't want relationships. there it is, right there. What is that? What does it mean? "I like you, I want to be in a relationship, but only for... 6 months. Oh no, make that one year! God forbid one year and a half, I am NOT ready for that, that is actually.... a long term relationship". you either like someone or not. you either want to be with someone or not. simple as that. if you're looking for "the one", now that's a whole different ball game. I'm 32, I've got no more time to waste. I KNOW I am nice. I KNOW I am gf material. I AM happy and I KNOW I can make a man very happy. And I DON'T want or need a relationship, I couldn't care less about having a regular sex life or not. I'm careful . What I do want is to meet that special guy who will love me and whom I will love back. I don't care if it'll be in a relationship,if it will be for a month, a week, a day or a year. I don't expect to be that incredibly lucky and actually marry him. Marriages happen. But I do want to meet my match! And I don't care about going double digits in the process, because I refuse to settle!
scratch Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 This is where communication comes into play. I would like to get married but I think there is a stronger chance of it not happening for me. Reason being I think it's hard to find people who want the "real deal". Meaning communication, intimacy, self awareness- knowing your problems and bringing them to the table so we can work around them. Nobody is perfect and no two people are alike so IMO any marriage with without those qualities is doomed. So if I was dating a woman who wanted to date for marriage I'd tell her I'm open to it but aren't going to unless xyz from above paragraph is present. I'd date her and if I got to a point where I knew in my heart I couldn't marry her I'd move on, I wouldn't string her along. A while back I dated a woman who was working a low-level job but aspired to go to law school. I told her that I would date her monogamously, but wouldn't look to build a life together until she was established in her career. She interpreted that to mean I wasn't interested in a relationship. Did I dodge a bullet, or did she? Communication is key, but remember that if someone doesn't like the message, they are going to find fault with the messenger.
Author SJC2008 Posted February 5, 2013 Author Posted February 5, 2013 A while back I dated a woman who was working a low-level job but aspired to go to law school. I told her that I would date her monogamously, but wouldn't look to build a life together until she was established in her career. She interpreted that to mean I wasn't interested in a relationship. Did I dodge a bullet, or did she? Communication is key, but remember that if someone doesn't like the message, they are going to find fault with the messenger. Hmm? Hard to say... You were honest with her but mabye you should go for women who are already career situated since it seems to be a deal breaker for something serious.
ltjg45 Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 A while back I dated a woman who was working a low-level job but aspired to go to law school. I told her that I would date her monogamously, but wouldn't look to build a life together until she was established in her career. She interpreted that to mean I wasn't interested in a relationship. Did I dodge a bullet, or did she? Communication is key, but remember that if someone doesn't like the message, they are going to find fault with the messenger. Sounds like she dodged a bullet since law school take years to complete. I doubt you want to wait 5-6 years so she figured she will get dumped and copped out. It's not a bad decision and it kept both of you from wasting too much time.
scratch Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 Hmm? Hard to say... You were honest with her but mabye you should go for women who are already career situated since it seems to be a deal breaker for something serious. Yes, I have a strong preference for women who are already established. But note that I was willing to be in a monogamous relationship with her while she worked her way through school. Yes, it was likely going to take several years, but in the meantime she would have a monogamous guy dating her; what more should she have wanted? I think it's a good example of why a man might be annoyed at being painted with the brush of "not wanting a relationship." Sounds like she dodged a bullet since law school take years to complete. I doubt you want to wait 5-6 years so she figured she will get dumped and copped out. It's not a bad decision and it kept both of you from wasting too much time. This isn't a criticism, but an observation; it's obvious from this post alone that you are female, because that's where 100% of your empathy lies. Why is it more likely that she'd get dumped? If a couple dated while the woman worked and the man finished school, would you not worry that the man would leave once he became established?
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