westcoastguy Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 telling her that you miss her? alot i spose. it probably goes without saying.
stevie_23 Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 It's not pathetic at all. Missing someone who was a big part of your life and who you loved and thought you'd be with, maybe forever, is in no way pathetic. But that doesn't mean it's a good idea to TELL her that you miss her. What will it do? She probably knows you miss her. She may miss you in a way, though she's not expressing it or feeling it in the same way you are. And that's ok. It's all a process. 3
Author westcoastguy Posted February 5, 2013 Author Posted February 5, 2013 Yeah, telling her might be bad. Or well, how much worse can it get? I walked away with my head up high when she broke up with me, and never had a moment of sadness in front of her. I'm worried she thinks i don't care, and she does care... (foolish?) But that's probably stupid. And seeing how she just walked away. Maybe she really didn't care that much... but she could have fooled me. I never saw it coming.
Author westcoastguy Posted February 5, 2013 Author Posted February 5, 2013 It's not pathetic at all. Missing someone who was a big part of your life and who you loved and thought you'd be with, maybe forever, is in no way pathetic. But that doesn't mean it's a good idea to TELL her that you miss her. What will it do? She probably knows you miss her. She may miss you in a way, though she's not expressing it or feeling it in the same way you are. And that's ok. It's all a process. Thanks !!!
Sadmisselle Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 I told my ex I missed him last week... he didn't say anything back and of course I felt a thousand times worse afterwards. It's best to just let it go...
stevie_23 Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 Don’t worry about her thinking you don’t care. If you had a good relationship together, even though it’s over (and you weren’t the one who ended it), she will know you cared and nobody can switch that off just like that. So she knows. It’s ok.
cotts1 Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 I don't think its ever wrong to tell someone what's on your mind or how you feel. I had a similar situation recently. A woman who I had been seeing for over six months and was falling in love with just walked away from me. A month later it still hurts. Not a day goes by that I don't think about her. I tell her I miss her because I don't care if she thinks I can't get over her. I don't want to get over her but what will be will be, I can't force her to love me. Still I'm not going to hide what I feel. If that's pathetic then so be it but I'm not going to apologize for being true to myself. 1
stevie_23 Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 Well, that’s true as well. There is never a reason to be ashamed or embarrassed about how you feel. I just think that in terms of the practical repercussions of telling someone who has chosen to leave you and end your relationship that you miss them will not always be positive and may impact negatively on the person doing the missing as opposed to the other person. 1
OJ loved Nicole Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 100% pathetic!! You train peolple on how to treat you. She breaks up with you and you respond with "I miss you"..... WTF?!?! That is rewarding her negative behavior, giving her an ego boost. If you tell her you miss her, guess what she (subconsciously) learns..... "No matter what I do, he'll hang around like a little puppy dog". She already knew/knows you want to be with her. Sometimes it's not easy, but never ever ever tell someone who left YOU that you miss them. 5
stevie_23 Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 Goodness me. Well, yes, this is true, and I think the same thing but you phrased it in much more of a blunt and...passionate way...than how I said it! lol (not everyone gets an ego boost from hearing their ex misses them. That's one end of a very common spectrum. The other end is just pity and indifference, which is much worse in my opinion) 1
williamshakespeare Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 Personally I wouldn't tell her that I 'miss her'. If she dumped me then I don't want to give her any more satisfaction and it would hurt my self esteem because I would feel weaker in her eyes. Defo not a good move if you harbor any hopes of re-uniting. Bottomline - I agree with OJ above. 1
stevie_23 Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 I just want to reiterate that the MAIN reason for not putting yourself out there and telling your ex how you feel (miss her, love her, whatever), is the probable indifference and mild awkwardness she may feel in response, because this reaction really HURTS. In my opinion, based on first hand recent experience, it’s better to feel these things freely and never feel shame about them (they are NOT pathetic feelings to have), but unless you hope for a “reward” as such, for expressing them to your ex, you wouldn’t feel the need to tell her. If even a tiniest part of you is hoping she will feel “something” or that she will turn around and tell you she misses you too, you will probably just feel worse when it doesn’t happen. And even if it DOES happen and she DOES miss you too (which she might), what difference will it make? You are fully capable of loving and missing someone but STILL not wanting to be with them in a relationship again. Eventually when you realise beyond any doubt that expressing your feelings to your ex will not give you anything in return that will help you, you lose that urge to tell them these things. 3
Toddbt12y1 Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 Not pathetic at all. Pathetic is denying your heart...it speaks. You can only feel what you feel..........
stevie_23 Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 Exactly right. And how you feel is how you are supposed to feel, for you. Nobody can control their feelings. You can’t help how you feel anymore than your ex can help how she feels (or doesn’t feel anymore, as the case may be), and neither of you is wrong for feeling how you do. I think this is why I wouldn’t recommend telling her you miss her. Because although there is nothing wrong with how you feel and missing her, by telling her, it may result in you feeling that there IS something wrong with it, based on her reaction (or lack thereof). And you don't want that. It's hard enough as it is without that on top of it.
cotts1 Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 I don't think you should ever hide your emotions for fear the other doesn't feel the same way. If they don't they don't but there is nothing wrong with trying to find out. Swallow your pride, sometimes people make irrational decisions. In time she may regret breaking up and doesn't know how to make amends. Be the bigger person, if its someone you really love and care about don't give up. Every girl is different, some will appreciate your effort while others will not. At the very least you won't have to live without knowing if you still had a chance with her.
Own Worst Enemy Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 Of course you miss her. You're not a robot or a vacuum cleaner. But don't tell her that. She will wonder, and she will care. But if she isn't banging down your door to ask, she doesn't care enough or in the right way. I'm on exactly one month NC today, he never let it go more than 4 days before texting before. It hurts like fire. But it would hurt more if I texted him. 1
h3braica Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 this is exactly what is happening to me right now. ex sends 'miss u' messages 3x after dumping me for his ex. sadly, i broke nc & replied after 2 weeks, telling him ' i miss him too' without expecting a reply from him. just want to tell him that i miss him. luckily, he answered back again with 'miss u still'. but we're through and we both know that we will never get back together again. maybe we just missed being with each other. maybe we missed the connection that we had once shared. so, there's nothing wrong to miss someone but do not expect a respond in the end cause i know that it would hurt so much.
cdt76 Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 I just want to reiterate that the MAIN reason for not putting yourself out there and telling your ex how you feel (miss her, love her, whatever), is the probable indifference and mild awkwardness she may feel in response, because this reaction really HURTS. In my opinion, based on first hand recent experience, it’s better to feel these things freely and never feel shame about them (they are NOT pathetic feelings to have), but unless you hope for a “reward” as such, for expressing them to your ex, you wouldn’t feel the need to tell her. If even a tiniest part of you is hoping she will feel “something” or that she will turn around and tell you she misses you too, you will probably just feel worse when it doesn’t happen. And even if it DOES happen and she DOES miss you too (which she might), what difference will it make? You are fully capable of loving and missing someone but STILL not wanting to be with them in a relationship again. Eventually when you realise beyond any doubt that expressing your feelings to your ex will not give you anything in return that will help you, you lose that urge to tell them these things. Ugh...I did this exact thing this morning with the freaking HOPE of sparking some feelings in her to rekindle the relationship. I know better too. But the heart wants what the heart wants regardless of common sense.
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