My breakup. Where can I go from here? Talk sense into me.

[Dan08]

Hi guys, longtime lurker here. A brief background on my split, happened mid october after a month break and we had previously been going out for close to year prior to the breakup which happened when we ended up at different unis and became LDR.

Her reasons for breaking up were the distance and she found it too hard which I accepted because I couldn't do much else on my end and began NC for 2 months and removed her on facebook.

She was my first love, lost my virginity to her, both 19 so I obviously know I've got my whole life ahead of me on this one but it doesn't make it any easier.

 

Now I broke NC once to get back in touch with her prior to Christmas as we had to meet due to mutual friends and it's because of this she still has some presence in my life when I head home and when I intiated contact I believed myself over her and added her back to facebook.

 

Beginning of January we all went away for a pre-arranged weekend that had been organised prior to the breakup which was awkward, I ended up bunking with my mate, getting pissed off with her, walking away from her one night in tears for no apparent reason, rebuffed her repeated attempts at conversation and her wanting to be 'best friends' for life until we truly talked about where we now saw each other which in turn left me in an even worse place than before

 

From everything that happened weekend I determined that I wasn't over her and had been kidding myself, she wanted to meet up before we both headed back for uni one last time to chill out but I declined saying I couldn't do it and she never replied to the text which suited me fine.

 

Anyways she got back in touch with me once last weekend as I kid you not I was 20 minutes from death when found by an ambulance (drunken night out, cold, hypothermia etc) and she just asked me to be more careful.

Now I've been NC since she didn't reply to my text but I broke it to reply and thank her for her concern then promptly deleted her number from my phone again.

 

Now, the reason for this long thread is that I'm very confused as where I am in head.

I don't feel the need to contact her, NC isn't a problem while I'm at un though she has been crossing my mind more and more recently and I usually find enough to keep busy however my problem lies with the fact that we have mutual friend at home that I hang with and she is obviously there so I can't truly be rid of her and she always brings back memories of the good times and cos of sod's law I can't remember the sh*t times all of a sudden which always gets me back to thinking of good times.

 

I've spent time in her company without issues before but I find it can vary drastically and I find myself thinking of when I'll inadvertently see her next and wondering how it will go, what will be said and to be honest I don't want this as it still leads me to think I'm not over her as surely if I was it wouldn't be an issue for me? This scares me as surely to avoid this I shouldn't see her but then I totally isolate myself from my friends back home and I want to avoid that.

Furthermore the thought of seeing her again and again fills me with apprehension and I can't truly enjoy myself as I always find myself guarding my tongue around her.

 

Part of me I believe doesn't want to see her as it reminds me of the failure that was the ending of the relationship and no one likes to be faced with failure. I also do the standard questioning of what could I have done differently even though I now the answer it jack ****.

 

I think things would be easier if I just **** some girl down here or at least have some interest come my way but that's not happening anytime soon unfortunately.

 

So please, talk some sense to me. Am I talking rubbish? Where do I go from here in my head?

[Dan08]

Bump. Can anyone tell me if this is normal or suggest a path of action to take?

[AlexfromBoston]

Hi guys, longtime lurker here. A brief background on my split, happened mid october after a month break and we had previously been going out for close to year prior to the breakup which happened when we ended up at different unis and became LDR.

Her reasons for breaking up were the distance and she found it too hard which I accepted because I couldn't do much else on my end and began NC for 2 months and removed her on facebook.

She was my first love, lost my virginity to her, both 19 so I obviously know I've got my whole life ahead of me on this one but it doesn't make it any easier.

 

Now I broke NC once to get back in touch with her prior to Christmas as we had to meet due to mutual friends and it's because of this she still has some presence in my life when I head home and when I intiated contact I believed myself over her and added her back to facebook.

 

Beginning of January we all went away for a pre-arranged weekend that had been organised prior to the breakup which was awkward, I ended up bunking with my mate, getting pissed off with her, walking away from her one night in tears for no apparent reason, rebuffed her repeated attempts at conversation and her wanting to be 'best friends' for life until we truly talked about where we now saw each other which in turn left me in an even worse place than before

 

From everything that happened weekend I determined that I wasn't over her and had been kidding myself, she wanted to meet up before we both headed back for uni one last time to chill out but I declined saying I couldn't do it and she never replied to the text which suited me fine.

 

Anyways she got back in touch with me once last weekend as I kid you not I was 20 minutes from death when found by an ambulance (drunken night out, cold, hypothermia etc) and she just asked me to be more careful.

Now I've been NC since she didn't reply to my text but I broke it to reply and thank her for her concern then promptly deleted her number from my phone again.

 

Now, the reason for this long thread is that I'm very confused as where I am in head.

I don't feel the need to contact her, NC isn't a problem while I'm at un though she has been crossing my mind more and more recently and I usually find enough to keep busy however my problem lies with the fact that we have mutual friend at home that I hang with and she is obviously there so I can't truly be rid of her and she always brings back memories of the good times and cos of sod's law I can't remember the sh*t times all of a sudden which always gets me back to thinking of good times.

 

I've spent time in her company without issues before but I find it can vary drastically and I find myself thinking of when I'll inadvertently see her next and wondering how it will go, what will be said and to be honest I don't want this as it still leads me to think I'm not over her as surely if I was it wouldn't be an issue for me? This scares me as surely to avoid this I shouldn't see her but then I totally isolate myself from my friends back home and I want to avoid that.

Furthermore the thought of seeing her again and again fills me with apprehension and I can't truly enjoy myself as I always find myself guarding my tongue around her.

 

Part of me I believe doesn't want to see her as it reminds me of the failure that was the ending of the relationship and no one likes to be faced with failure. I also do the standard questioning of what could I have done differently even though I now the answer it jack ****.

 

I think things would be easier if I just **** some girl down here or at least have some interest come my way but that's not happening anytime soon unfortunately.

 

So please, talk some sense to me. Am I talking rubbish? Where do I go from here in my head?

 

Well, just like you said, "go **** some girl" and enjoy life. You're both young and unfortunately, this relationship was probably not going to last. Well, thats just my experience anyways. Whenever your ex crosses your mind, just thing of all the negative aspects of your relationship. Focus on all the crap she might have put you through and go out and make some new memories with a new girl/s. The single life is the best....it truly is. You don't have to answer to anyone and you can go out and experience different girls at will. Im telling you man, you're young, don't get wrapped up with a dead end relationship and enjoy life. I have friends who dedicated their young lives to one girl and now, as they grow older, it finally caught up with them and they are routinely cheating on their significant other. It's almost as if they didn't get it out of their system yet.

[Starsinthesky]

I feel your pain. Love sucks. I've just lost my first love and this only the start of all the pain to come from it

[Dan08]

Well, just like you said, "go **** some girl" and enjoy life. You're both young and unfortunately, this relationship was probably not going to last. Well, thats just my experience anyways. Whenever your ex crosses your mind, just thing of all the negative aspects of your relationship. Focus on all the crap she might have put you through and go out and make some new memories with a new girl/s. The single life is the best....it truly is. You don't have to answer to anyone and you can go out and experience different girls at will. Im telling you man, you're young, don't get wrapped up with a dead end relationship and enjoy life. I have friends who dedicated their young lives to one girl and now, as they grow older, it finally caught up with them and they are routinely cheating on their significant other. It's almost as if they didn't get it out of their system yet.

 

Trust me mate, if I could I'd jump some girls bones in a heartbeat but I don't think I'm there mentally nor have the self confidence to make an approach so I find myself in a rut i think where I put my ex back on a pedestal because with her I could do all of that. I'm positive once I get past that and get someone else I'll be over her for good but atm it's tough.

 

Like you said though, single life definitely has it's perks.

 

I feel your pain. Love sucks. I've just lost my first love and this only the start of all the pain to come from it

 

 

I'm sorry to hear that Stars, the pain will come and it will hurt but it will pass. I don't feel pain anymore, just confusion within myself which is better at least.

You'll get over it, just rant on here when needed.

[Hopeful79]

It's going to hurt. You are definitely not over her from what you have written. I know you share mutual friends with her, but maybe you can talk to some of them and organize to see them without her involved? You won't be able to hang out with her without feeling pain unless you are over her...and that can take a lot of time from my understanding - a year or longer, and may never happen. Personally I am beginning to realize being friends with an ex is a no-no.