Why are people harsher on women for choosing bad partners?

[Revolver]

You ever notice this? Not just online but in real life. Both genders have been guilty of getting involved with people who lets be honest werent great people at all but what I've noticed is women get harsher criticsm when dating "bad" people then guys.

 

For the most part when a guy gets burned by a bad Person people are quick to say she changed or he was fooled. But for females it's always "she should've known better", Even if she's young.

 

Is it because we assume women are smarter and more mature?

[SmileFace]

Because most of the guys here can't even find partners...

[pbjbear]

Not sure, maybe because the stereotype is women have more options.

 

Dont agree 100% with that. Women have more options for sex but not for relationships but when a man says options he usually means sex because thats the prominent theme in a male's mind

[Divasu]

Men and women are judged within society, for different things.

 

IE:

 

Men who sleep with lots of women = stud

Men who don't sleep with lots of women = p*ssy

Women who sleep with lots of men = wh*re

Powerful women = b*tch

Powerful men = da man!

 

Hakuna Matata...

[StanMusial]

You ever notice this? Not just online but in real life. Both genders have been guilty of getting involved with people who lets be honest werent great people at all but what I've noticed is women get harsher criticsm when dating "bad" people then guys.

 

For the most part when a guy gets burned by a bad Person people are quick to say she changed or he was fooled. But for females it's always "she should've known better", Even if she's young.

 

Is it because we assume women are smarter and more mature?

 

Because women are the choosers...

[xxoo]

I think the assumption is that she is rejecting men who would treat her better.

[TouchedByViolet]

I think the assumption is that she is rejecting men who would treat her better.

 

This.

 

I think a lot of it starts with young women who with some frequency do a pretty terrible job of picking men of quality for a relationship.

 

It can definitely go both ways and I have seen some men choose bad partners even though they were warned. I just don't see it as much as the opposite.

[StanMusial]

This.

 

I think a lot of it starts with young women who with some frequency do a pretty terrible job of picking men of quality for a relationship.

 

It can definitely go both ways and I have seen some men choose bad partners even though they were warned. I just don't see it as much as the opposite.

 

It is amazing sometimes. I am thinking of one particular case... this gal was well-educated, quiet, well mannered, etc. She got mixed up with this total scuzzball LOL. Everyone, I mean EVERYONE was like "what are you doing?" But she just didn't care. It was like she was book smart but not life smart or something. Anyway she married that scuzzball and he treated her like crap of course. The end of the story is he knocked up some 20 year old and moved in with her and left the lady with two little kids that he hardly ever sees (and he never pays child support either).

[mesmerized]

Because a lot of men here are entitled losers. I can't really say I experienced this in real, it seems to be all in the online world.

[angie2443]

This.

 

I think a lot of it starts with young women who with some frequency do a pretty terrible job of picking men of quality for a relationship.

 

It can definitely go both ways and I have seen some men choose bad partners even though they were warned. I just don't see it as much as the opposite.

 

There are some very ignorant assumptions bieng made. Few people looking for dates are going to show their nasty side right away. This is especially true for people who know they would not make good partners. They wait untill they are with someone long enough to gain their trust, and then they let their true colors out.

 

People like blaming the woman or man who gets stuck with a bad partner because it makes them feel better. It can be an ego boost to view some woman as an idiot for dating a jerk because, if you're a woman yourself you can think "She should have known better, I would've". It also makes people feel less vulnerable to blame women and men for getting in these situations. If they feel like there are always these signs, right from the beginning, that tells if a person is bad or not, then they feel that as long as they know what the signs are, they will never be in danger of bieng that idiot woman who got caught in a bad relationship.

 

What many don't get, is that it isn't untill the emotional hook is in, that the "jerk" comes out. People who choose to believe that women, or men, purposely choose a bad partner, help to shame the person who needs the most support to get out of the harmful relationship.

[pbjbear]

There are some very ignorant assumptions bieng made. Few people looking for dates are going to show their nasty side right away. This is especially true for people who know they would not make good partners. They wait untill they are with someone long enough to gain their trust, and then they let their true colors out.

 

What many don't get, is that it isn't untill the emotional hook is in, that the "jerk" comes out. People who choose to believe that women, or men, purposely choose a bad partner, help to shame the person who needs the most support to get out of the harmful relationship.

 

Nobody believes me here when I say that!!!! That has been my biggest problem in dating...everyone says I choose bad men, but they always act bad after some time and not all show red flags. Its honestly gotten to the point where I dont take people seriously until we have been dating at least 2 months...it supposedly takes an average of 2-3 months for someone's true colors to come out

[Woggle]

I think anybody male or female who constantly finds themselves in the same situation should take a look at themselves. One or two times you are victim but four five times there is a pattern.

[fortyninethousand322]

I think anybody male or female who constantly finds themselves in the same situation should take a look at themselves. One or two times you are victim but four five times there is a pattern.

 

Exactly.

 

I treat both genders equally in this regard. Some posters have accused me of being mean and unsympathetic. I'm mean and unsympathetic to anyone and everyone who holds the key to their own prison.

 

No man or woman needs to be controlled by their sex drives and hormones. We are civilized beings with a choice in the matter...

[Mrlonelyone]

While there are certainly men who pick one bad woman after another.

 

There seem to be far more women who pick really evil men again and again and again and again and again.

 

 

Then there are the consequences of the choices.

 

 

A man picks a bad woman, and that bad woman may cuss him or sleep with his best friend.

 

A woman picks a bad man and he will beat her into submission, coerce sex from her, make her have his children, then treat her like a house servant or slave.

 

What makes some men bitter is that. When they find such a woman who's single. They treat them with respect and kindness only to be called wimpy, nice, weak, sweet, etc. That woman then leaves them for someone who will mistreat them.

 

I've never known a man to become conditioned to like being nagged...some women it seems become used to being treated like dirt by their BF.

[Woggle]

While there are certainly men who pick one bad woman after another.

 

There seem to be far more women who pick really evil men again and again and again and again and again.

 

 

Then there are the consequences of the choices.

 

 

A man picks a bad woman, and that bad woman may cuss him or sleep with his best friend.

 

A woman picks a bad man and he will beat her into submission, coerce sex from her, make her have his children, then treat her like a house servant or slave.

 

What makes some men bitter is that. When they find such a woman who's single. They treat them with respect and kindness only to be called wimpy, nice, weak, sweet, etc. That woman then leaves them for someone who will mistreat them.

 

I've never known a man to become conditioned to like being nagged...some women it seems become used to being treated like dirt by their BF.

 

I have met some men who seem to enjoy being treated like trained dogs. That is what their wives and gfs treat them like yet they still stay.

[Revolver]

There are some very ignorant assumptions bieng made. Few people looking for dates are going to show their nasty side right away. This is especially true for people who know they would not make good partners. They wait untill they are with someone long enough to gain their trust, and then they let their true colors out.

 

People like blaming the woman or man who gets stuck with a bad partner because it makes them feel better. It can be an ego boost to view some woman as an idiot for dating a jerk because, if you're a woman yourself you can think "She should have known better, I would've". It also makes people feel less vulnerable to blame women and men for getting in these situations. If they feel like there are always these signs, right from the beginning, that tells if a person is bad or not, then they feel that as long as they know what the signs are, they will never be in danger of bieng that idiot woman who got caught in a bad relationship.

 

What many don't get, is that it isn't untill the emotional hook is in, that the "jerk" comes out. People who choose to believe that women, or men, purposely choose a bad partner, help to shame the person who needs the most support to get out of the harmful relationship.

 

I don't think that's true in most cases. But I agree with your second paragraph.

 

And it's not just "loser" men, its all different men and yes different women I've heard this from.

[xxoo]

I've never known a man to become conditioned to like being nagged...

 

I certainly have!

[todreaminblue]

You ever notice this? Not just online but in real life. Both genders have been guilty of getting involved with people who lets be honest werent great people at all but what I've noticed is women get harsher criticsm when dating "bad" people then guys.

 

For the most part when a guy gets burned by a bad Person people are quick to say she changed or he was fooled. But for females it's always "she should've known better", Even if she's young.

 

Is it because we assume women are smarter and more mature?

 

 

judging a person on the characteristics of an ex she or he has is one of the most disheartening things that can happen, having to be held responsible for another's choices or attitudes and how they treated you badly is like copping two blows instead of one

 

 

one blow is you get treated badly by the person in question which causes major psychological damage and two by others who judge you without prior knowledge,and then that in turn messes with your self esteem further.Another poster posted somthing succinct, a jerk doesn't start out a jerk, in fact most often he is charming and a pleasure to be around, until, he is comfortable enough with the fact you are hooked......then little by little things start to happen that have you question what the hell is going on, you keep hoping that it is a one off, so it isn't all bad all the time, it is a happening here, a circumstance there, till you aren't really sure anymore of anything.Your self esteem crumbles into indecision, adn that erodes yoru sefl worth.Its a cycle of abuse that si hard to break, apparently it takes seven times or more before an abused spouse will leave a partner.Where both the abused and the abuser need therapy to deal with issues that otherwise would go into the next relationship>Mostly those who actively seek therapy are the ....victims.

 

 

Because the abusers .... don't think they need help in all honesty, people should stop judging unless they know that abused person and I mean really know them and if they do know them, show a little support instead of judgement no matter how many bad relationships that person has had or not had... no one needs a "told you so" when they sport a black eye..i think they already feel it....deb

[KraftDinner]

OP, you're totally right. A man chooses a bad partner and he 'is too nice' or something. A woman chooses a bad partner and somehow she should have known better? She's stupid? She's a bitch who intentionally set out to ignore nice guys and make them feel bad?

 

Why isn't it the case that she 'is too nice?'

[2sure]

I think it is because we have the babies.

 

I have also found ...a single woman suddenly becomes threatening to her friends or other women, so they have to find the flaws

[ja123]

You ever notice this? Not just online but in real life. Both genders have been guilty of getting involved with people who lets be honest werent great people at all but what I've noticed is women get harsher criticsm when dating "bad" people then guys.

 

For the most part when a guy gets burned by a bad Person people are quick to say she changed or he was fooled. But for females it's always "she should've known better", Even if she's young.

 

Is it because we assume women are smarter and more mature?

 

I think it's because people assume a man can protect himself and women need to be protected.

 

As such, if the woman is making poor choices and one cannot protect her, then it's normal to react with projected anger towards her as one is helpless in protecting/helping her.

[lino]

Because extremely violent women, female drug dealers, female bullies, female criminals, etc aren't attractive to the great majority of blokes.

 

I've never EVER seen an extremely violent man, male drug dealer, male bully or male criminal go long periods of time without a woman. Often it's quite the opposite, these types of men have women lining up for them.

 

Doesn't matter if they're ugly as sin and downright cunts, these types of men are powerful in a lot of women's eyes and hence can attract a lot of women.

 

Men aren't turned on by power and don't go for women who engage in that type of stuff.

[xxoo]

OP, you're totally right. A man chooses a bad partner and he 'is too nice' or something. A woman chooses a bad partner and somehow she should have known better? She's stupid? She's a bitch who intentionally set out to ignore nice guys and make them feel bad?

 

Why isn't it the case that she 'is too nice?'

 

Good point!

 

Does it depend on the perceived attractiveness of the partner the woman or man chooses? Is a man who stays with a gorgeous-but-horrid woman too nice, or too shallow?

[Revolver]

Because extremely violent women, female drug dealers, female bullies, female criminals, etc aren't attractive to the great majority of blokes.

 

I've never EVER seen an extremely violent man, male drug dealer, male bully or male criminal go long periods of time without a woman. Often it's quite the opposite, these types of men have women lining up for them.

 

Doesn't matter if they're ugly as sin and downright cunts, these types of men are powerful in a lot of women's eyes and hence can attract a lot of women.

 

Men aren't turned on by power and don't go for women who engage in that type of stuff.

 

Well there are tons of male criminals who get love letters all the time. Even like serial killers

[tbf]

All women are being judged by the errors that some women make. The majority of women are in relationships with decent men.

 

Young men are allowed to make mistakes but young women aren't. And yet young people in general make mistakes because...hold onto your seats...they're freakin' young...