runningfar Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 I know that a lot of people are here due to not being in relationships, but I am really curious about something. Would you move in with someone without being at the point of saying I love you to one another? No. Ten characters later, still No.
Leigh 87 Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 Logically you shouldnt. But nothing is guaranteed in life, so I choose to live very spontaneously: most would call it "irresponsibly" ..Long story short, I moved in with my boyfriend within 6 months. I was mentally unstable, we had only just said I love you, and I did not have my life in order at all. ...We SHOULDN"T have, in theory, been in a relationship, much less moved in together:D:lmao::lmao: BUT we did it cos we FELT like it:D:D:D:D We were together most days. We felt much happier spending every day together. I was sick of living out of a bloody suitcase!!!! ( going to and from his place ALL the time, ugh!) Most relationships don't last, so we just thought f*ck it, we are very loving and happy, we are very much about each other, so who cares what happens in the end? It is two years since we met, and over a year since we moved in.. Moving in did not change a thing with us. We just became more attached, due to the time spend together (day and night)
Leigh 87 Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 Cons: if you don't work out, you have move your sh*t out. This would just add to the pain of the break up. ............Also, after living together, it is a little more painfull when it ends, as you sleep together every night, and just spend more time together in general. Break up sucks no matter what though. I like to go against the rules. As long as your really into each other, I think a few months is enough to gauge a good degree of long term potential. ...........What sudden huge deal breakers could come after 4 - 5 months? OBIOUSLY you would ensure that you did not have any vaslty different living habits that would get on each others nerves BEFORE you moved in...
candie13 Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 siiiigh, I miss letting that suicidal strike take over and do crazy sh*t like that... Nowadays, I get very uncomfortable because the guy I am seeing wants to spend a lot of time with me. Craziest thing I've done for the last 6 months was to cook him breakfast. Once. Live your adventure and remember that there are no perfect relationships, there's always something that's not working. Now it's those words. Later, you'll think "if he loves me like he says he does, why doesn't he ....". Women are usually one step ahead of men, when it comes to the expectations. Best advice I was ever give: "don't have any". Let things come to you... or not.
Casablanca Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 I know that a lot of people are here due to not being in relationships, but I am really curious about something. Would you move in with someone without being at the point of saying I love you to one another? No, if I wasn't in love with them, the idea of skipping that step in the progression of a relationship to living together doesnt sound like a good idea how many posts start with "I love my SO, but banged half the town, but I really, really do love them None? I've never seen any, unless they are at the cheaters subforum which I don't go to and of course you're going to find cheaters over there
veggirl Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 I guess I don't understand why you guys haven't said ILY yet if you are both in love. I would never ever ever move in with a guy that quickly, esp if we hadn't said ILY. I can't even imagine having that conversation of cohabitating without having exchanged ILYs. Talk about jumping about 5 steps ahead! Considering you've been married before (?!) I'd think you'd be a bit more...realistic about this. You are in the honeymoon phase and all that, although considering it will be temp before he leaves for a year I guess that is a bit different. Still though. Will you stay at his apartment while he is gone or move back to your own? 1
carhill Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 Would you move in with someone without being at the point of saying I love you to one another? It would be long after that point, and was prior to my M, meaning 'I love you' was long under the bridge before engagement and, later, after marrying, cohabitation.
Drseussgrrl Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 People do all sorts of crazy things in the honeymoon phase of the relationship, which is what you're in the thick of right now. I'll also chime in and say that, honey, you seem to be pretty impulsive. I don't mean this as an insult but you're very young to have already gone through a divorce and now thinking about moving in with a dude after three months? Why not revisit this when he comes back from France in a year? By then your relationship will have withstood the test of time and you can go in with your eyes wide open. I know this isn't the "fun" option but I'd wager to say it's the best one to protect yourself in the long run. And that should ALWAYS be your first priority. You two are still getting to know each other. 1
leahnc Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 I would not, only because I would not feel like the first "hurdle" of commitment had been reaached before going for the next one. Foe me personally, love comes before cohabitation.
veggirl Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 (edited) I guess I should provide some back ground. Been together 3 months. Practically live together and have since we first met. Officially moving in together [planning on it at least] in April. Very loving and happy relationship, yes we moved fast considering we have spent almost every night together since our first date, but we are doing extremely well and have a beautiful relationship. That being said, he almost said "I love you" very early on and I made it very clear that for the first time in my life I wanted a man to wait to say it until he meant it with everything in him. Mostly because every man I have been with has said it within a week or so and it just didn't feel "real". Okay so, you told him that he shouldn't say ILY to you until he means it "with everything in him" and so he hasn't said it yet. So why do you wanna move in with someone who can't say that?! You don't feel like you are doing things backwards here..? and what do you mean you'll "take over the lease"? have you talked to the landlord? You will get him off the lease and put yourself on instead? that would work I guess, otherwise your boyfriend is a total idiot for remaining on a lease when he is out of the country and leaving his gf of 7 mos in charge of it.... Edited February 5, 2013 by veggirl 1
candie13 Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 whooow, the pressure! Miss JR, don't go there! if he loves you, why doesn't he say it? If he loves you, he won't go to France, if he loves you, if he loves you, jeeesh! You have a strong bond, I appreciate the importance of your getting reassured, but he feels strongly about you. why on Earth would he want you to move in, otherwise? Put a lot of pressure on your guy - and yourself - and you risk to seriously damage your relationship. I say St.V Day is a great opportunity to discuss "feelings" and similar over a glass of wine... NO PRESSURE
strawberryshortstack Posted February 7, 2013 Posted February 7, 2013 My boyfriend asked me to move in with him just after Christmas. We'd been dating for just over 18 months. While I'm not moving in right away, I will be moving in this summer, after I finish the Spring school semester (college). He has not told me he loves me, nor have I told him either. I do love him, and I'm fairly sure he loves me too, but the words have not been said. I'm doing it because it feels right. He wants me there, and I want to be there. I practically did move in over Christmas break, and I'm currently spending every weekend with him, so it simply makes sense for us. If it feels right, and you're happy with the arrangement, I say go for it. Just be careful with your expectations.
veggirl Posted February 7, 2013 Posted February 7, 2013 My boyfriend asked me to move in with him just after Christmas. We'd been dating for just over 18 months. While I'm not moving in right away, I will be moving in this summer, after I finish the Spring school semester (college). He has not told me he loves me, nor have I told him either. I do love him, and I'm fairly sure he loves me too, but the words have not been said. I'm doing it because it feels right. He wants me there, and I want to be there. I practically did move in over Christmas break, and I'm currently spending every weekend with him, so it simply makes sense for us. If it feels right, and you're happy with the arrangement, I say go for it. Just be careful with your expectations. jfc 18 months?! why don't you tell him you love him? how can you feel comfortable and secure in a relationship after a year and a half without exchanging those words. It's a normal milestone in a relationship, saying ILY...something is wrong here. you're "fairly" sure he loves you? after 18 months you should KNOW he does. what are you guys, friends with benefits? benefits that'll be moving in with him now? sheesh. 1
strawberryshortstack Posted February 7, 2013 Posted February 7, 2013 jfc 18 months?! why don't you tell him you love him? how can you feel comfortable and secure in a relationship after a year and a half without exchanging those words. It's a normal milestone in a relationship, saying ILY...something is wrong here. you're "fairly" sure he loves you? after 18 months you should KNOW he does. what are you guys, friends with benefits? benefits that'll be moving in with him now? sheesh. no, we aren't friends with benefits. But we are both comfortable where things are, and where the relationship is going. Perhaps 18 months is too long, but everyone works with a different timeline. We'll get there. The point that I was trying to make is that the words are NOT always necessary.
Pyro Posted February 7, 2013 Posted February 7, 2013 Because the woman never says it first? Not true _________
veggirl Posted February 7, 2013 Posted February 7, 2013 Because the woman never says it first? I mean I personally don't say it first but I also wouldn't wait 18 mos to hear it. I'd honestly wait up to a year I think. My bf and I didn't say it for like I think 8 or 9 months, but if it had gotten to a year I would have asked him about it and if he didn't say it then, adios! If you don't love me by then you never are going to and if you are too emotionally retarded to SAY IT then BUHBYE!
veggirl Posted February 7, 2013 Posted February 7, 2013 double standard much? whats the double standard? I said I would talk to him about it! So... I don't say it first because imo the MAN leads the relationship and the milestones...I also wouldn't ask a man to MARRY ME but if we had been dating for years I would bring it up to see where he is at on that! Is that a double standard too?
ltjg45 Posted February 8, 2013 Posted February 8, 2013 The longer I live, the more I realize that the words "I love you." is losing its meaning to me. Nowadays, anyone can say it and get away with it. Heck, I don't even say that to my own mother anymore. That just goes to show how worthless that statement really is. If I were to say it, I don't fault the female for not believing it. If she were to say it, I wouldn't even be fazed by it. All of that is decided by their actions, regardless if you say those words or not.
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