miss_jaclynrae Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 I know that a lot of people are here due to not being in relationships, but I am really curious about something. Would you move in with someone without being at the point of saying I love you to one another?
Pyro Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 I know that a lot of people are here due to not being in relationships, but I am really curious about something. Would you move in with someone without being at the point of saying I love you to one another? No Get to know someone for a while before moving in together.
soccerrprp Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 I know that a lot of people are here due to not being in relationships, but I am really curious about something. Would you move in with someone without being at the point of saying I love you to one another? No. I told my current (and past) gf that living in together is not an option for me until married. Too much can go wrong before the wedding day...
Author miss_jaclynrae Posted February 5, 2013 Author Posted February 5, 2013 No Get to know someone for a while before moving in together. I guess I should provide some back ground. Been together 3 months. Practically live together and have since we first met. Officially moving in together [planning on it at least] in April. Very loving and happy relationship, yes we moved fast considering we have spent almost every night together since our first date, but we are doing extremely well and have a beautiful relationship. That being said, he almost said "I love you" very early on and I made it very clear that for the first time in my life I wanted a man to wait to say it until he meant it with everything in him. Mostly because every man I have been with has said it within a week or so and it just didn't feel "real". Granted, we are crazy about each other, and I can say that I am madly in love with him. On his end, I have no idea. He makes me feel loved and he shows it very well, but the words have not been there, and I can't even sense if they will be! It is something that I have never truly experienced, and with all this talk of moving in together [which wouldn't be any different from what we have now] I am wondering if it is going to happen any time soon. I refuse to say it first btw, I know I know, a woman expecting the man to do it, how terrible!
Pyro Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 I guess I should provide some back ground. Been together 3 months. Practically live together and have since we first met. Officially moving in together [planning on it at least] in April. Very loving and happy relationship, yes we moved fast considering we have spent almost every night together since our first date, but we are doing extremely well and have a beautiful relationship. That being said, he almost said "I love you" very early on and I made it very clear that for the first time in my life I wanted a man to wait to say it until he meant it with everything in him. Mostly because every man I have been with has said it within a week or so and it just didn't feel "real". Granted, we are crazy about each other, and I can say that I am madly in love with him. On his end, I have no idea. He makes me feel loved and he shows it very well, but the words have not been there, and I can't even sense if they will be! It is something that I have never truly experienced, and with all this talk of moving in together [which wouldn't be any different from what we have now] I am wondering if it is going to happen any time soon. I refuse to say it first btw, I know I know, a woman expecting the man to do it, how terrible! You've been married once already so you should take things slow IMO. 2
Author miss_jaclynrae Posted February 5, 2013 Author Posted February 5, 2013 You've been married once already so you should take things slow IMO. Thanks for the advice. Definitely not getting married anytime soon!
Divasu Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 Would you move in with someone without being at the point of saying I love you to one another? I have not and would not move in with someone if those words weren't already exchanged. I've lived with an ex in the past, but that was a couple years into the relationship and those words were already exchanged many times over. Doesn't guarantee anything, since I'm not with the person anymore. So, that is just one perspective...
CarrieT Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 Been together 3 months. Practically live together and have since we first met. Officially moving in together [planning on it at least] in April. Still way to early to live together... Especially if there is no "ILY." I'd wait at least a year before co-habitating. 2
Author miss_jaclynrae Posted February 5, 2013 Author Posted February 5, 2013 I have not and would not move in with someone if those words weren't already exchanged. I've lived with an ex in the past, but that was a couple years into the relationship and those words were already exchanged many times over. Doesn't guarantee anything, since I'm not with the person anymore. So, that is just one perspective... It seriously makes me wonder why those words hold such a huge importance. As I said, we have pretty much been living together since day one. [When I say that I mean we grocery shop together, I have most of my things at his place, and have only spent 3 nights apart over the 3 months] I can't change that, and I wouldn't, mostly because things are fabulous. But the idea that we are so comfortable around each other, spend every moment together, and generally have a very strong relationship, makes me wonder if say the words is as important as how he makes me feel and how I feel about him. Does that make any sense?
candie13 Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 facts speak louder than words... in my 2 long relationships, these infamous words popped out right around the third month. Don't ask for it or expect it, it will be such a joy when they come to you!! Could it be that it's not the words that actually mess with your head... but the moving it together? Our brain is great at concealing things from us... think about it!
Author miss_jaclynrae Posted February 5, 2013 Author Posted February 5, 2013 facts speak louder than words... in my 2 long relationships, these infamous words popped out right around the third month. Don't ask for it or expect it, it will be such a joy when they come to you!! Could it be that it's not the words that actually mess with your head... but the moving it together? Our brain is great at concealing things from us... think about it! No, it is definitely the words! Haha I love living with him, it is effortless really. Sure, it is a little scary, but it won't be much different than what we have already.
TouchedByViolet Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 As I said, we have pretty much been living together since day one. [When I say that I mean we grocery shop together, I have most of my things at his place, and have only spent 3 nights apart over the 3 months] I would say move in with him because you practically are now. ILY just carries a level of long term commitment that makes sense when wanting to live with someone for the near and distant future. You don't want to move in somewhere and have to move out in a couple of months...
candie13 Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 you think so, but for the moment, you still have your own place. I have this friend who moved in with her bf after just 4 months. She kept paying for her apartment for 6 months more. Not because she wasn't inlove or she wasn't happy, she just wasn't ready to cut that option out of her life. I am not saying she did the right thing, but giving up your independence in major. I know how sure you are about your relationship and how much joy it gives you. But sometimes, I am just wondering if you don't go more with what you think is right, which isn't necessarily what you feel you are ready to do. April is right around the corner, and I don't have to tell you this, you have all the time in the world and you can always change your mind. and those words will come to you. No sane man would ask a woman to move in with him if he didn't feel it. St. Valentine's is just around the corner, who knows ?
Divasu Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 It seriously makes me wonder why those words hold such a huge importance. As I said, we have pretty much been living together since day one. [When I say that I mean we grocery shop together, I have most of my things at his place, and have only spent 3 nights apart over the 3 months] I can't change that, and I wouldn't, mostly because things are fabulous. But the idea that we are so comfortable around each other, spend every moment together, and generally have a very strong relationship, makes me wonder if say the words is as important as how he makes me feel and how I feel about him. Does that make any sense? Yes, I see what you're saying. It's hard to know what the right 'call to make' is since each person, each couple is different (whichever 'call' it is that you're trying to make in your head, or, maybe you're just pondering a bit...). As another example, a family member and her now husband, moved in together literally after the first month of dating. They've been together for several years now and the "I love you's" are both verbal and action oriented. As for you, you're already moved in so there's no going back now. In time, at the right moment, perhaps you'll hear those magical words. Or, maybe he already is in love with you, but the words just can't come out of his mouth yet. That doesn't mean that they won't. I guess it boils down to how much security one needs to feel comfortable enough to go from one stepping stone to the next. 1
pbjbear Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 Ive never gotten that far along in a relationship but prob not. It depends on your goals. People who move in together for convenience sure. I am pretty independent though and I would want to know the relationship has a good chance of lasting If that is you in your pic you are smokin...no homo
Author miss_jaclynrae Posted February 5, 2013 Author Posted February 5, 2013 I would say move in with him because you practically are now. ILY just carries a level of long term commitment that makes sense when wanting to live with someone for the near and distant future. You don't want to move in somewhere and have to move out in a couple of months... This is true, I would be lying if I said it wasn't for convenience as well, which of course it is. The plan is already sort of made. It makes sense, as well as feels right. Besides, it will only be for 4 months. After that he is moving to France for a year abroad. I guess that is a huge part of the equation, trying to get as much time together and we can save a ton of money!? Totally logical.
Author miss_jaclynrae Posted February 5, 2013 Author Posted February 5, 2013 you think so, but for the moment, you still have your own place. I have this friend who moved in with her bf after just 4 months. She kept paying for her apartment for 6 months more. Not because she wasn't inlove or she wasn't happy, she just wasn't ready to cut that option out of her life. I am not saying she did the right thing, but giving up your independence in major. I know how sure you are about your relationship and how much joy it gives you. But sometimes, I am just wondering if you don't go more with what you think is right, which isn't necessarily what you feel you are ready to do. April is right around the corner, and I don't have to tell you this, you have all the time in the world and you can always change your mind. and those words will come to you. No sane man would ask a woman to move in with him if he didn't feel it. St. Valentine's is just around the corner, who knows ? I love my independence but with where we are now, it wouldn't change that. I guess I feel like my Independence won't be affected at all, or maybe I don't have any... I don't know. I pay all my own bills, everything is separate other than the food thing. I really don't know when he will say it, I feel like he already has honestly, just because of the way we are together. It doesn't feel like it is lacking. I don't sit and wonder why, I guess it is just such a new thing to feel this way for someone and KNOW you feel it, but not have that URGE to say it. Granted, there are times, but it isn't something that I actively feel is lacking. I guess a mans point of view would be nice. Yes, I see what you're saying. It's hard to know what the right 'call to make' is since each person, each couple is different (whichever 'call' it is that you're trying to make in your head, or, maybe you're just pondering a bit...). As another example, a family member and her now husband, moved in together literally after the first month of dating. They've been together for several years now and the "I love you's" are both verbal and action oriented. As for you, you're already moved in so there's no going back now. In time, at the right moment, perhaps you'll hear those magical words. Or, maybe he already is in love with you, but the words just can't come out of his mouth yet. That doesn't mean that they won't. I guess it boils down to how much security one needs to feel comfortable enough to go from one stepping stone to the next. That last sentence is it! I feel SUPER secure, which is why I haven't had a single doubt of moving in together. I guess it is the idea that under "normal" [whatever that means] circumstance, I love you would definitely be something said before such a step. Ive never gotten that far along in a relationship but prob not. It depends on your goals. People who move in together for convenience sure. I am pretty independent though and I would want to know the relationship has a good chance of lasting If that is you in your pic you are smokin...no homo Thanks.
ja123 Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 This is true, I would be lying if I said it wasn't for convenience as well, which of course it is. The plan is already sort of made. It makes sense, as well as feels right. Besides, it will only be for 4 months. After that he is moving to France for a year abroad. I guess that is a huge part of the equation, trying to get as much time together and we can save a ton of money!? Totally logical. Hunh? You're moving in together, then he's going to leave for a year? Where's the sense in that? How's this guy benefiting financially from this arrangement? There's gotta be a catch. And, yeah, I agree with the others who said it's too early too move in, especially when sincere I love you's have not been expressed.
Eternal Sunshine Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 I moved in with my ex after around 4 months (and rocky at that, with 2 break ups that lasted 1-2 days ). We did say ILY at about 2 months.... Anyway, it crashed and burned. Wouldn't be caught dead living with a guy again.
ls32ssibm Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 Never saying it first again. Ever. Currently 0-3 of being the first to say it and the feeling not being reciprocated.
Eternal Sunshine Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 Never saying it first again. Ever. Currently 0-3 of being the first to say it and the feeling not being reciprocated. You don't say it until you sense that other person feels the same I have never had it unreciprocated but I only said it first once.
Author miss_jaclynrae Posted February 5, 2013 Author Posted February 5, 2013 Hunh? You're moving in together, then he's going to leave for a year? Where's the sense in that? How's this guy benefiting financially from this arrangement? There's gotta be a catch. And, yeah, I agree with the others who said it's too early too move in, especially when sincere I love you's have not been expressed. Many benefits, we both save money on rent, we get to spend more time together, I don't have to drive to grab some new clothes as often, and then when he leaves I'll just take over the lease and his rent is cheaper than mine. Not to mention we are crazy for each other. Sounds like a lot of benefits if you ask me. For both of us.
ja123 Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 OK I guess it's a temporary move-in, since he's leaving. Plus, you get cheaper rent! Go for it!
Divasu Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 That last sentence is it! I feel SUPER secure, which is why I haven't had a single doubt of moving in together. I guess it is the idea that under "normal" [whatever that means] circumstance, I love you would definitely be something said before such a step. Well then, that settles it. I don't think you need any affirmations for us (aka the public).
JuneJulySeptember Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 I know that a lot of people are here due to not being in relationships, but I am really curious about something. Would you move in with someone without being at the point of saying I love you to one another? Move in with? Yes. Sign a year lease? Maybe. Sign up for a mortgage? Hell no.
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