I know who I am now. Is it normal to feel competitive?

[SpiralOut]

I've been confused about my identity for a long time. Things are now becoming more clear. The problem is that as I come to see who I am, I start to feel jealous/competitive of others who are similar to me.

 

There are core parts of my identity that are obvious. For example, being naturally active/athletic and being an environmentalist. Actually I'm not sure if I'm really an environmentalist or just a wannabe, but I try to live a sustainable lifestyle and support local businesses and all of that. So I guess the thing is that I'm not where I would like to be with these things. I want to be physically stronger and working out nearly every day, I want to be deeply involved in environmental issues. I am working on making these things happen. It's not like I'm sitting on my butt, wishing and dreaming. But it's taking a long time to get where I'd like to be, and in the meantime I get jealous of other people who are further along than me.

 

How do I feel content with where I am? I hate these competitive feelings that come up. I almost feel like these people are taking my identity from me, even though I know it makes no logical sense. Maybe instead of being jealous I should see them as inspiration?

 

I'm just confused because I can't remember ever feeling this way before. I used to be so secure in myself long long ago. Why aren't I anymore? Why do I need to feel that I am "more athletic" or "more creative" or whatever than someone else? Obviously I am insecure but I don't really understand why. What do I need to do to make that insecurity go away? Do I just need more time to develop my identity?

[todreaminblue]

I've been confused about my identity for a long time. Things are now becoming more clear. The problem is that as I come to see who I am, I start to feel jealous/competitive of others who are similar to me.

 

There are core parts of my identity that are obvious. For example, being naturally active/athletic and being an environmentalist. Actually I'm not sure if I'm really an environmentalist or just a wannabe, but I try to live a sustainable lifestyle and support local businesses and all of that. So I guess the thing is that I'm not where I would like to be with these things. I want to be physically stronger and working out nearly every day, I want to be deeply involved in environmental issues. I am working on making these things happen. It's not like I'm sitting on my butt, wishing and dreaming. But it's taking a long time to get where I'd like to be, and in the meantime I get jealous of other people who are further along than me.

 

How do I feel content with where I am? I hate these competitive feelings that come up. I almost feel like these people are taking my identity from me, even though I know it makes no logical sense. Maybe instead of being jealous I should see them as inspiration?

 

I'm just confused because I can't remember ever feeling this way before. I used to be so secure in myself long long ago. Why aren't I anymore? Why do I need to feel that I am "more athletic" or "more creative" or whatever than someone else? Obviously I am insecure but I don't really understand why. What do I need to do to make that insecurity go away? Do I just need more time to develop my identity?

 

 

stop looking at other people to identify yourself, chase your dreams, live your life....there will only ever be the one you...you are unique and formidably made in th eimage fo a divine being.......no one can duplicate you or be you.......deb

[camillalev]

My two cents: it's completely normal. You're seeing yourself as on the same playing field, whereas before you might have felt like a passive observer. or nowhere even near the field.

 

Instead of seeing them as competition, think of them as your teammates. They can help you. If you're an environmentalists, you want to be around others who have similar ideals. I read somewhere that you are the sum of the 5 people you spend the most time around. The people you surround yourself with absolutely influence the type of life you lead.

 

I think it's GREAT that you try to life a sustainable lifestyle it's so important to do nowadays.

 

Have you looked into environmental non-profits you can involve yourself with? That's a great way to start.

 

It does take time to achieve the changes we want.. It's a day by day, week by week process.

[Krytie TV]

Don't know if you're a guy or not, but I'll tell you when my life turned around for the better. I put so much energy into convincing myself that I was not "like the other guys" because so many of them were jerks to women and did stupid "guy" things. You know... girls deserve better, right? Yeah, that's a 25 year-old fallacy. Once I stopped trying to convince myself I wasn't like them, and started acknowledging and embracing my inherently male traits, I found I was much happier. I cared less about trying to please people and felt way less stress from not having to keep up a construct of a supposed ideal person as my facade... especially when I only believed half of what I pretended to believe.

 

I'm now comfortable with being an arrogant, self-absorbed, nerdy, goofy, sarcastic, imperfect, (almost) 39 year old GUY. And life is good. Two beautiful daughters and a lovely wife admittedly don't hurt things either.

[SpiralOut]

My two cents: it's completely normal. You're seeing yourself as on the same playing field, whereas before you might have felt like a passive observer. or nowhere even near the field.

 

Instead of seeing them as competition, think of them as your teammates. They can help you. If you're an environmentalists, you want to be around others who have similar ideals. I read somewhere that you are the sum of the 5 people you spend the most time around. The people you surround yourself with absolutely influence the type of life you lead.

 

I think it's GREAT that you try to life a sustainable lifestyle it's so important to do nowadays.

 

Have you looked into environmental non-profits you can involve yourself with? That's a great way to start.

 

It does take time to achieve the changes we want.. It's a day by day, week by week process.

 

Thanks... yeah maybe in a backwards way it is good that I have these feelings because it means that I have stepped back into the game. I will try to see these people as my mentors and teammates, not competition.

 

Yeah I'm doing some research right now for an environmental organization. In the spring I will be doing some field work for them, too.

 

I guess I'm just getting impatient about not being where I'd like to be. I would love to get to a point where I am an expert in this area and can be looked up to by other people. I love explaining things and answering questions. I'm not very happy about being a beginner. Lol. But I guess that's just the way of it.