mlcj69 Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 (edited) We have been together for 2 and a half years. For the most part happy. Has had it's problems but we tend to work through them and eventually get over them. We visit each other during the summer and winter while on break. We have seen each other a total of 4 times. 2 in the summer and 2 in the winter. The time together is as great as can be. But when we aren't together, things get rough and I really think this is a serious one now :/ As you probably know , Valentines day is coming and we both wish we could be with each other. As much as we could try, we wouldn't be able to visit. We both had the same problems last year around this time and near the times of finally seeing each other again; we both get extremely lonely.....And we tend to get distracted from each other. Last year, our relationship wasn't going to well, and I started to develop a crush. I liked her so much that I was going to break it off with my current gf to be with her. Sometimes I wish I did, but I don't want to lose a best friend :/ I don't think I would be able to handle talking to an ex of mine that I truly loved. I wanted to have an actual physical relationship(not specificity sex, but actual dates, late nights together, normal bf gf stuff). Eventually school ended and the crush past and wonder to myself why I ever thought of ending a great relationship just to start over. Currently, she is having the same problem. She is feeling lonely and wanting someone to have a "real" relationship with. About a week ago she brought up the subject of "taking a break", but she wasn't exactly sure what she meant and wanted. And Just 3 days ago she brought it up again. We would do the same stuff we do now (Skype, ps3, text, say I love you?, etc...). We were talking and she finally gave in saying this boy likes her and she might potentially want to date him, just like in my case last year. What do you think I should do? Do you think I should agree to us breaking up and she date this boy? I've already told her I wouldn't really want to talk. Just hurts me that she's with someone else doing things we wish we could do together :/ or do you think it's just a phase she is going through and I should let it pass like in my situation? I don't want to be the clingy smothering bf/gf that would make her want to end it with me. We both truly love each other no doubt. We are actually each others first real bf/gf (not just middle school stuff) and best friend. I don't want her to make the mistake and then me not wanting to go back after her being with another boy :/ I dont think i would be able to. Edited February 5, 2013 by mlcj69
wanderluster Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 Long distance relationships are so difficult, internet, phone calls, texts are no replacement for the true intimacy two people can have while actually being together. But long distance relationships can only work if both people want it to work bad enough. This of course does not mean that she is not loving you any more, but if this is what she is suggesting happens. that she has realised this is not the best thing for your own happiness, and I know you think so too. Long distance relationships can only be temporary, you have to, at one point, at least discuss a future of being together. You move or she moves, or you both do. If there is no end to this distance you have to call it a day, and move on, no matter how much this hurts. If you ask her to stay with you when she doesn't want to, the situation could lead to you not trusting her, and that would be torture for you.
Author mlcj69 Posted February 5, 2013 Author Posted February 5, 2013 (edited) Long distance relationships are so difficult, internet, phone calls, texts are no replacement for the true intimacy two people can have while actually being together. But long distance relationships can only work if both people want it to work bad enough. This of course does not mean that she is not loving you any more, but if this is what she is suggesting happens. that she has realised this is not the best thing for your own happiness, and I know you think so too. Long distance relationships can only be temporary, you have to, at one point, at least discuss a future of being together. You move or she moves, or you both do. If there is no end to this distance you have to call it a day, and move on, no matter how much this hurts. If you ask her to stay with you when she doesn't want to, the situation could lead to you not trusting her, and that would be torture for you. She is 16 and im 18. We have somewhat spoke about moving and a future but I'm really not sure how it would work. She has family pretty close to where I live so I figured it would be easier for the both of us if she moves here. She doesn't have much family where she is at and she says she doesn't even really enjoy her time there anyway. I would tell her to go to school here or move here, but I don't want to break up already moved and it be a big inconvenience for her. edit: also seeing how she is a junior in highschool, it's a while before she can even think about moving. though she does need to think about schools, she says she probably wont be able to go to school here. Edited February 5, 2013 by mlcj69
wanderluster Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 You are extremely young. And this can make it even more difficult to have a long distance relationship, since you don't yet have the freedom to go and do as you please. I dont know your situation, but at least discuss that with her, if she doesnt want to move. Its time for you both to take a break, use this time to explore what being with a girl really means, your first love does not have to be your last! Maybe when you are both older and lose all of your ties you can get back together? But at the moment, I just think it wont work.
Author mlcj69 Posted February 5, 2013 Author Posted February 5, 2013 You are extremely young. And this can make it even more difficult to have a long distance relationship, since you don't yet have the freedom to go and do as you please. I dont know your situation, but at least discuss that with her, if she doesnt want to move. Its time for you both to take a break, use this time to explore what being with a girl really means, your first love does not have to be your last! Maybe when you are both older and lose all of your ties you can get back together? But at the moment, I just think it wont work. I'm slowly just starting to accept it. I'm afraid that of we "take a break", we will lose touch and won't be as close as we are now. She would keep her attention on this boy, or whoever else, she has her eye on now and then eventually just forget about me. I wouldn't want to break up and then get back together. Just the thought of her being with other people :/ I know it's reality to be with more than one person in your life, but just doesn't seem right to me at this moment.
wanderluster Posted February 7, 2013 Posted February 7, 2013 Its a very tough thing to do, I don't mean take a break. I mean break it off. Maybe some day you will see each other again, but this clearly isn't working out for you both. And you will find someone else for you. Stay strong.
justwhoiam Posted April 6, 2013 Posted April 6, 2013 I wanted to have an actual physical relationship(not specificity sex, but actual dates, late nights together, normal bf gf stuff). I'm not sure if you already broke up for good or what. But, those 4 times when you met up, did you date her? If you're not giving each other what others could give, then you will be missing that. The best you could do is date her. If then she goes out for a date with someone else, she will know what it is like. You will too. And you'll start from there.
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