youaremysunshine Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 I'm a 23 year old women who a been in a number of relationships, I've also had more than my fair share of casual sex. All of these people were friends of mine or at least acquaintances with mutual friends. So I've never really dated per say. Anyway that got complicated and I swore off the boys in my old gang and set up an online dating account. I messaged the weirdest guy I could find because I can't stand ordinariness. After 8 dates I still find him fascinating. As it turns out, m. Is a 20 year old who was raised a scientologist but ran away from his parents in Montreal to Toronto to be an anarchist and a poet. I am also an anarchist and a writer. He was home schooled but spent most of his time reading and is very intelligent. He has never been in a relationship and claims to have only ever had one female friend, who he loved madly in secret. We have lots in common artistically and politically but I feel strangely uncomfortable talking about those things, I just kiss him for hours.I never spoke of those things with my past lovers, just did the sweet flirtatious girly thing. He says that he wants for us to have a profound understanding but I feel like there's nothing worth understanding about me! He's so intelligent and sensitive it makes me feel stupid and shallow. How do I relax and open up?
miss_jaclynrae Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 Treat him like a friend. Talk him like you would any other close friend of yours and it shouldnt be that hard. Opening up and learning about one another is the first step to any relationship.
Author youaremysunshine Posted February 4, 2013 Author Posted February 4, 2013 I'm also concerned he will think less of me because we always make out. He's really inexperienced and I'm the opposite. I tend to assume guys are just after sex and try not to get attached.
Mrlonelyone Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 Trust me he won't think you're stupid. He will love finally having a woman he can be totally open with about what he thinks and feels and who can express themselves just as well. Intelligent men appreciate that, you've got one. If you want to loose him treat him like a meathead.
todreaminblue Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 probably the fact he said to you he wanted to have a profound understanding of you made you uncomfortable.....relationships to me arent meant to be profound, they are meant to be warm comfortable and simplistic, secure and safe.....loving....the act of loving isnt really profound, its simple, its in that warm kiss and hug that you get away from the profundity of the world at the end of a long day.....so you enjoying that kiss is you being sensitive enough to be good for him, he obviously wasn't sensitive enough to realize that he made you feel uncomfortable, and you are senstive enough to post on a relationship forum to find out how you can relax, so obviously you are not shallow.As far as intelligence goes there are different forms of intelligence, and when two people mesh sometimes the best meshes are where those intelligences are in different forms,the relationship then has variables that complement each other,you are sensitive, you are intelligent, dotn put him on a pedastal he is a man like any other man, whther he is einstein or not , he is still a man, i used to feel insecure talking to a professor friend of mine, he had the crazy hair thing going and all, our conversations were never boring and he shared slices of his life with me and his mental illness, i was able to make him laugh,and he liked my cat in the hat poetry.To open up you have to accept you are different but in a good way, you have as much to contribute to the relationship as your bf does.......maybe you are the stabalizing influence he needs so he doesnt fly off into the atmosphere in poetic anarchy.....you are no less than him or is he less than you....i wish you happiness......deb
ltjg45 Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 Relax. Just be you. Seems like the hard part of you two being together is done and over. You both want each other. You both understand each other. Treat him just like you treat a close friend except even closer and sexier in bed, provided he's fine with the bed action. What's there to worry about?
Author youaremysunshine Posted February 4, 2013 Author Posted February 4, 2013 Thank you both, great advice. I feel rediculous dumbing myself down because of shyness. I'm used to hiding my oppinions from men who tend not to understand. I work in a drop in for lgbtq homeless/street involved folks and I've been dismissed as an angry radical feminist more times than I can count. To that I say I'm proud to be a radical. 1
Mrlonelyone Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 I can imagine just how you feel being under the T umbrella. Thanks for the work you do by the way. Congratulations on finding a man of intelligence who's clearly into you.
Talak7 Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 Monogamous relationships don't seem very anarchical 1
Author youaremysunshine Posted February 5, 2013 Author Posted February 5, 2013 Many of my friends are in functioning, commited polyamorous relationships. I have not been in a monogomous relationship since I was 18, but more so they just weren't that serious. I know quiet a bit about polyamory and would consider one with someone I could communicate well with. Me and this guy have been on 8 dates in 3 weeks and I'm not even sure he is my boyfriend. Don't want to go there yet and scare him away, I mean he's never even had a girlfriend
Author youaremysunshine Posted February 5, 2013 Author Posted February 5, 2013 But I also believe that monogamy is not oppressive at all if freely entered into as the best fit for a couple. It's about choices yo
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