EC Posted August 27, 2004 Posted August 27, 2004 Ok I'm so torn and I don't know what to do..Hoping your insight can help me out.. So I now have a long distance relationship and it's very stressful. How do I put it...If I dont make sense I'm sorry.. Ok..Now I'm young 19 and my bf is 20. I'm his first girlfriend longer than a month and the first girl he's said I love you to. We've been together 5 months and he just moved into his own apartment, with his single guy friends,8 hours away, to go to college. Now I want this relationship to work but there are obvious red flags there. I know this. I also know that hes young, he doesn't want only one hole right now (if you know what I mean). I know that he will be tempted and he will cheat or experiment. Im not dumb. I love this guy and want to be with him but I also know hes young and so I dont know if to play blind and just be happy with the fact that I have the gf title and when everything is all said and done hes coming home to me and then when hes done with college we can live happily ever after (so to speak) or Break up and move on? I know I deserve better than to play blind but if you think about it I'm not looking for anything serious like marriage right now anyways, I still have growing up to do, but him and I get along so well, have incredible sex, and just can't help to think that if I had met him in the future we would be married and happy and wouldn't have to deal with all this drama. Yeah I'm a mess...any opinions?
Bill Posted August 27, 2004 Posted August 27, 2004 Time is the best teacher, unfortunately, it kills all of its students. I was recently in a situation just like this (with added twists). If you are sure he will cheat, then what kind of relationship will you have? A relationship that lacks devotion is no relationship at all. If you're not in this for the long run, marriage etc... then you're screwing yourself over. Remember what you had, but move on, you will find better. Not everyone will fall into temptation and cheat in a relationship. I'm going to guess this is his first year of college, and a four year college at that. It is not right to wait four years to be with someone that you cannot trust, and someone that you are not planning the "long-term".
Author EC Posted August 27, 2004 Author Posted August 27, 2004 I agree the thing is I can see the long term but like I said I wish I would've met him in the future to avoid all this drama. It is a four year college but this is his second year so two more to go. I don't want to let him go because of something he 'might' do though, and then regret it later.
Bill Posted August 27, 2004 Posted August 27, 2004 If you can trust him, wait. If you cannot, then you should leave him. Trust is essential.
Love2BLoved Posted August 27, 2004 Posted August 27, 2004 Originally posted by EtErNaLlYCoNfUsEd I agree the thing is I can see the long term but like I said I wish I would've met him in the future to avoid all this drama. It is a four year college but this is his second year so two more to go. I don't want to let him go because of something he 'might' do though, and then regret it later. IMHO, if you care about him a lot don't break-up. It seems to me that he's very special to you, so why let that go just like that? He has not even done anything yet; so, it's just better not to jump into conclusions. If in the future he does do something then that's when you should worry about what the next step should be; for now you should enjoy to the fullest the feeling that this guy brings you. At least he only has 2 years to go. If what you feel for each other is strong then I am sure you can make it work. What if you break-up with him and he would have never done anything wrong, then you would miss out on a great guy. Don't worry about it until he actually does do something. Good Luck
Polyana Posted September 19, 2004 Posted September 19, 2004 Eternally, I am so glad you seem to be aware of the fact that you are both young and have a life to live. You are open to suggestions and are not romantisizing anything...which is a great attitude. LDR always seem "perfect" and we incorrectly equate missing the person and the "hurt" of that with love. It is great that you admire this person, and think it would be great if the timing was different. However, you cannot change that now. Your life at college is normally an experimental stage, and you need to make use of that. Both of you. I really do strongly suggest that you two have an open conversation...he might be thinking the same as you. You can remain on good terms, or things will slow down....but please use your time at college to grow and learn and meet people instead of waiting by the phone and crying over your keyboard and worrying about affording train/plane/coach tickets. Let time do its own thing when it comes to meeting new people. But dont chain each other at this young age and live young. x P
emra Posted September 19, 2004 Posted September 19, 2004 I don't think you should jump to conclusions of he will cheat. You don't know that. I don't think you should break up in fear of the unknown. This person is in your life now for a reason. Maybe it is to grow. Everyone is brought into our lives for a reason. We may not know what those reason are until further down the road. You know the things that could happen. You need to trust yourself and him until it has been done. From each thing we experience in life, we learn something. You take those things with you throughout your whole life. Be honest with him about it. Tell him your fears and that you are feeling insecure about it right now.
Author EC Posted September 20, 2004 Author Posted September 20, 2004 I had a talk with him. I told him everything. He says I sounded kind of selfish because I was only putting my thoughts into concern. That what about his. That he worries everyday that i could meet someone at my job or school while he is away and that he would lose the best thing inhis life. That what if i find a guy thats not as good as him and that I'm not in love with but stay with him because he's close and hes there. I said I'm sorry that I was onlu putting my thoughts into consideration. He said that we are special and that he will prove to me how much he wants to make this work. And he definitely proved it this weekend. So I'm better and not "tripping" anymore! So far so good and i hope it stays that way. Whether I'm living in a dream or in denial I'm happy. I wake up happy and go to sleep happy. I love my job, I love my family and everything is perfect right now. I'm happy and thats all that matters. Some people never feel what I'm feeling and I want to ride it out till the end no matter what happens.
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