ana0pera Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 I'm sure I'm not the only one this happens to...question is, what do others do when this happens, to get by and surpass the negativity in your head? I recently rekindled my LDR and I am not in a good place. I miss him, I miss being physically affectionate with someone on a daily basis, and I miss being able to call him whenever I want (we have a 9 hr time difference). To stay strong, I tell myself that I can deal with this until we close the distance but even that's not working anymore. I could just cry to him that I miss him but that really doesn't help. It's my turn to make a visit and having that time in sight would surely help, but I can't book anything yet because I am waiting to hear back from some of my collaborators about work-related travel that could happen any moment.
Life'sGood Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 I recently rekindled my LDR and I am not in a good place. I miss him, I miss being physically affectionate with someone on a daily basis, and I miss being able to call him whenever I want (we have a 9 hr time difference). To stay strong, I tell myself that I can deal with this until we close the distance but even that's not working anymore. How long have you been together? Do you talk everyday? I understand your frustration on being physically affectionate on a daily basis. I am feeling the same way too but there's nothing I can do about it. If it's meant to be, then it will happen and he will wait for you. Sometimes, it is hard because of all the things that you have going on in your life and you want someone to talk to, IN PERSON, but that someone is thousands of miles apart. All you can do is to talk to each other as often as you can. I hope you're like me who can talk/cam with each other everyday. You should be able to talk and share your day with your S/O. It is important to feel connected and to include each other in daily life!
cerridwen Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 I'm sure I'm not the only one this happens to...question is, what do others do when this happens, to get by and surpass the negativity in your head? I recently rekindled my LDR and I am not in a good place. I miss him, I miss being physically affectionate with someone on a daily basis, and I miss being able to call him whenever I want (we have a 9 hr time difference). To stay strong, I tell myself that I can deal with this until we close the distance but even that's not working anymore. I could just cry to him that I miss him but that really doesn't help. It's my turn to make a visit and having that time in sight would surely help, but I can't book anything yet because I am waiting to hear back from some of my collaborators about work-related travel that could happen any moment. I'm sorry it's rough right now on you, Ana. Here's what I do: I hang out with my funniest friends who also happen to have unique and healthy views of love. They're unconventional but well-grounded and if I lose my way in negativity, they gently guide me back to the possibilities. I confide in buddies who are also in LDRs and their positivity also bolsters my mood. This has been a huge lifesaver. I actively work on the project that will bring he and I together. I enthusiastically research exotic locations for trips we can take together. I immerse myself into other parts of my life (music, painting, animal rescue, professional development) that bring me joy and satisfaction. The feelings never fail to pass. I love my boyfriend (and not to imply you're doing this) but not making him the be-all-end-all of my life helps tremendously. Keeping the other plates spinning, and my life full and colorful, helps shoo the blues away.
Author ana0pera Posted February 4, 2013 Author Posted February 4, 2013 we've been together for about two years, we sms throughout the day each day, get to actually talk 1-2 times a week. we are healing from our recent breakup and still working on how this relationship should best progress, especially with regards to communication which has been the achilles heel of our relationship. after our breakup i re-centered and made sure i was prioritizing myself, because i think that i was getting dangerously close to prioritizing him over other aspects of my life. there are a number of other stressful things going on in my life independent of our relationship so it's hard because i often looked to him for support, but i realize now that i need to find that support from within. i am reconnecting with old, really good friends who i've been bad at keeping in touch with (just because so much has been going on). for almost a year I've hated the PhD program I am in but things might be taking a turn for the better right now, so I am riding that wave of productivity until it crashes into the shore, and then I'll get back up and find the next wave. What helps is knowing that the faster I finish this, the closer I become to building a life with him, if that is meant to be. And regardless, at this point I just want to be done with my cursed project (that I still love deeply, but it is just so.problematic) and move onto other things!!! i've noticed that i've participated in less of the things that used to bring me joy, mostly because it isn't as easy to do these things (art, community service) in my new community as it was in my older one. But I have come across some opportunities that seem really promising so I am going to pursue those, and I think that plus reconnecting with my true friends will help. 2
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