candie13 Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 what triggers it, what drives you to do it? Do you have a pattern - as in "I seem to pull out when this person .........."? Is it when you understand that they are not the one? Are you all about "the sparkle" or more down to earth and willing to work on relationships to make them work? Does your SO need to do something to tick you off or is it just their behavior that ends up pissing you off? What makes you from "wow, such a nice guy, cannot wait to get to know him better" to "uummmm, I don't think this will actually work out?"
Author candie13 Posted February 4, 2013 Author Posted February 4, 2013 oh, c'mon, it's an easy one! One answer could be "when I found out she was sleeping with all of her childhood dolls" - believe me or not, that happened to me, but I should have seen it happen, the guy was in his mid 20's and still living with his parents. or "when he started calling me every day and made plans for next Christmas"... or as easy as "after having sex, just lost all interest..."
miss_jaclynrae Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 There could be SO many reasons. Typically for me, its when their presence is no longer comforting, but annoying.
Author candie13 Posted February 4, 2013 Author Posted February 4, 2013 and to turn you from "comforting" to "annoying", he would... ?
miss_jaclynrae Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 and to turn you from "comforting" to "annoying", he would... ? I can't say what it is specifically, it can be SO many things. That point though where seriously you roll your eyes at everything that comes out of his mouth even if it isn't THAT annoying. I can't describe it, it's just when you can't tolerate a person much. I guess in the beginning stages, you look over annoying habits, after that initial point... things stop being cute and are just annoying. That is when I know things will definitely NOT work.
Mrlonelyone Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 Like miss_jaclynrae said, for most people it's when the honeymoon is over. It might take six months or two years. Some folks end up married by the time it hits them. The "love of their life" only ever made them horny. Now that the sex is old hat, the "love" fades fast. That's what psychologist call limmerence. What breaks the love spell for me is when someone is dishonest. The one thing I can't stand is a liar. I don't just mean run of the mill dishonesty, I mean big lies.
Author candie13 Posted February 5, 2013 Author Posted February 5, 2013 dishonesty I totally get. Appreciate your point too, I get physically ill just thinking about it. It's the "honeymoon" phase that poses a problem to me. I've always thought to be a deep, profound person, fascinated by a man's character, way of thinking and values rather than his social or sexual skills. I think I am about to get turned off by my date. He does not have a lot of friends and wants to spend a lot of time with me. All of it, almost. And even when he does have plans, during the week, I still feel a bit suffocated, because of the questions "where are you?" "how are you doing?", "where are you going?" (ending the quotes of this Saturday evening, when he spent the night over on Friday and we were supposed to spend the day together on Sunday). And because we've had sex, I feel like I've used him, I feel like... a man, haha! I feel guilty!!
Mrlonelyone Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 Well the thing is two fold. None of us are all that deep and profound. When it comes to sex and reproduction we are ruled by parts of the brain that are still more like what one would find in a frog. The second part is you and him need to have an adult discussion of boundaries. That dose not mean breaking up, or cutting him off, or giving an ultimatum. Just talk to him about what you need and listen to him about what he needs. Then compromise.
todreaminblue Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 what triggers it, what drives you to do it? Do you have a pattern - as in "I seem to pull out when this person .........."? Is it when you understand that they are not the one? Are you all about "the sparkle" or more down to earth and willing to work on relationships to make them work? Does your SO need to do something to tick you off or is it just their behavior that ends up pissing you off? What makes you from "wow, such a nice guy, cannot wait to get to know him better" to "uummmm, I don't think this will actually work out?" when thinking about them puts me in a down mode or the thought of seeing them makes me down its time to move on find someone who makes me look forward to seeing them.....deb
Author candie13 Posted February 5, 2013 Author Posted February 5, 2013 Perhaps. I am afraid I may be settling. Or maybe just a bit scared of the novelty of this - I haven't had a guy stay over at my place and make him breakfast in over 6 months. I haven't cooked for a guy in the last 10 months. And I've done both these things last weekend.
todreaminblue Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 Perhaps. I am afraid I may be settling. Or maybe just a bit scared of the novelty of this - I haven't had a guy stay over at my place and make him breakfast in over 6 months. I haven't cooked for a guy in the last 10 months. And I've done both these things last weekend. It will actually take you a little time to settle in.....if you have been single for a while, i dont know so much about settling, if you didnt have doubt going into a new relationship that would be more abnormal, you just have to ride it out let it progress without thinking too much about everything,How do you feel when he is around??.......not when you are thinking about it later....deb
miss_jaclynrae Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 It will actually take you a little time to settle in.....if you have been single for a while, i dont know so much about settling, if you didnt have doubt going into a new relationship that would be more abnormal, you just have to ride it out let it progress without thinking too much about everything,How do you feel when he is around??.......not when you are thinking about it later....deb The biggest thing I have learned to do with my boyfriend is to just stop thinking so damn much! In all my past relationships my mind always went into overload. For the first time I am in a relationship where all I focus on is really the moment. I don't care what people think of us, whether it be family or strangers, I don't worry about my timeline for the relationship, whether it be short term or long term goals... I just live and love every single moment with him and take things as they come. It is a beautiful relationship. 1
todreaminblue Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 The biggest thing I have learned to do with my boyfriend is to just stop thinking so damn much! In all my past relationships my mind always went into overload. For the first time I am in a relationship where all I focus on is really the moment. I don't care what people think of us, whether it be family or strangers, I don't worry about my timeline for the relationship, whether it be short term or long term goals... I just live and love every single moment with him and take things as they come. It is a beautiful relationship. I think as women, its what we do ....we worry we analyze and we feel......some of us overly so......I am glad you have found happiness in the non analysis sphere, sometimes pre-empting situations or events that may or may not happen.....takes the joy out of the moment you are in.....so i totally agree with you being in the moment jackie....best wishes....deb
MyPoutine Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 With my ex it's when everything concerning him made me tired, the kind of fatigue you get when you've been working without sleep for almost two days straight. I simply stopped caring what he said, didn't want to hear what he did and simply wanted him gone. He is gone now and I feel reenergized and happy.
Author candie13 Posted February 5, 2013 Author Posted February 5, 2013 (edited) makes sense Edited February 5, 2013 by candie13
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