shiningbrighteyess Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 I'm a college girl who's just turned 20 and I feel anxious that I'll never find "the one" or at the very least a guy who will treat me well. Throughout my young adulthood, I've fallen in love maybe twice. The first time was with a boyfriend who was quite immature and in the end wasn't even trying for me anymore. The second time was with a guy who claims he "almost" dated me, but then continued to hang out with me, open up with me, have sex with me, etc. Since I was in love I tried to rationalize it, but even now as I try to get over him, I can see that he wasn't treating me right. I'm a smart, nice, pretty girl. I'm not trying to brag but just trying to make a point that I don't understand why I haven't had a GOOD relationship - one filled with fun, mutual feelings of love and care, support, etc. I have attracted a few guys possibly interested in dating me, but I'm not attracted to them, physically or emotionally. I simply don't feel that strong chemistry with them that I've felt with my past two guys. I don't know if it's because they seem too 'meek' or mild to me, not spontaneous enough, etc. Turning 20 made me panic a bit. I'm officially in my 20's, which is supposed to be the best time of your life. But here I am single as ever, feeling bored and restless, and anxious to simply fall deeply in love with someone. I want to feel that bare emotion with someone, and have them feel it back for me. I guess that sounds selfish, but I'm just worried as to why it hasn't happened for me yet. I've had my first kiss, had sex, etc., but I've never had a loving relationship with a guy. I just feel like I'm wasting my youth or something. All I really do nowadays is go to class, study, hang out with my friends. My friends don't really party anymore so I've stopped going out and partying (I would like to keep going out but there's no one to go with). I just started volunteering at a shelter and am active in various clubs so don't say I'm not active in school enough...but yeah. There is one guy I'm somewhat interested in. I can actually really see myself dating him and liking him but I don't think he has as much interest in me. :/ I just want somebody to love ha.
pink_sugar Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 Calm down. You're only 20. Many people are in their 30's+ and haven't had success. Now is the time to focus on yourself and what you want. 3
lukas Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 When I was 20 I was still a virgin and had never even been on a real date! There isn't really much you can do about this other than get out of your comfort zone, make some new friends and meet new people. Eventually if you do that you will find someone worthwhile. For me that was the hardest part of the struggle: meeting new people. And if you like that one guy why don't you ask him to go grab a coffee or lunch or something and see where it goes? It can't hurt can it? 1
Yamcha Posted February 6, 2013 Posted February 6, 2013 I didn't have much of a relationship until I was 27. Honestly, it's not that big of a deal. Although I can admit that there's a lot of societal pressure to have someone. But, I'm just sayin', be careful if you jump into a relationship without thinking or getting caught up in the emotional rush. You may get your heart broken. But if you like this guy, then you should let him know.
Big Blue Box Posted February 7, 2013 Posted February 7, 2013 I'm a college girl who's just turned 20 and I feel anxious that I'll never find "the one" or at the very least a guy who will treat me well. Throughout my young adulthood, I've fallen in love maybe twice. The first time was with a boyfriend who was quite immature and in the end wasn't even trying for me anymore. The second time was with a guy who claims he "almost" dated me, but then continued to hang out with me, open up with me, have sex with me, etc. Since I was in love I tried to rationalize it, but even now as I try to get over him, I can see that he wasn't treating me right. I'm a smart, nice, pretty girl. I'm not trying to brag but just trying to make a point that I don't understand why I haven't had a GOOD relationship - one filled with fun, mutual feelings of love and care, support, etc. I have attracted a few guys possibly interested in dating me, but I'm not attracted to them, physically or emotionally. I simply don't feel that strong chemistry with them that I've felt with my past two guys. I don't know if it's because they seem too 'meek' or mild to me, not spontaneous enough, etc. Turning 20 made me panic a bit. I'm officially in my 20's, which is supposed to be the best time of your life. But here I am single as ever, feeling bored and restless, and anxious to simply fall deeply in love with someone. I want to feel that bare emotion with someone, and have them feel it back for me. I guess that sounds selfish, but I'm just worried as to why it hasn't happened for me yet. I've had my first kiss, had sex, etc., but I've never had a loving relationship with a guy. I just feel like I'm wasting my youth or something. All I really do nowadays is go to class, study, hang out with my friends. My friends don't really party anymore so I've stopped going out and partying (I would like to keep going out but there's no one to go with). I just started volunteering at a shelter and am active in various clubs so don't say I'm not active in school enough...but yeah. There is one guy I'm somewhat interested in. I can actually really see myself dating him and liking him but I don't think he has as much interest in me. :/ I just want somebody to love ha. That's more than I had. My first date wasn't until I was 26. Twelve years later I still have yet to be in one relationship. Most of the time I have been friendzoned long before it ever turns into a relationship. Today I feel that if I nudge things along I will be too pushy and if I wait for a sign then I will be too cold. You still have ten years so don't rush and get just any guy and most of all don't panic., you will be fine.
Juicy Fruit Posted February 9, 2013 Posted February 9, 2013 Calm down. You're only 20. Many people are in their 30's+ and haven't had success. Now is the time to focus on yourself and what you want. Yes, just relax and take your time with everything. It will all work out.
BarbecueMan666 Posted February 10, 2013 Posted February 10, 2013 You're totally fine, and in a very normal place . I just turned 23, and have only really been in 1 relationship which I classed as real. Was it successful? Well it just recently ended like 5 weeks ago, and since then meeting people has been tough even just on a friendship scale. Just remember where you were initially with those guys, was it all 10/10 straight away? Probably not, the idea you built up may have you believe it was like that, but even in my whirlwind romance of meeting my EX, even though I deemed it magical and all that, it was mainly my brain making it seem so. It may take you a while to meet a guy you totally mesh with, but also find attractive but remember you're not alone, and if you're a pretty smart young gal, which it sounds like you are, you have a step up on a lot of people. I tend to find when I'm not looking for something, and I'm more happy with myself and content things tend to crop up. Weird how things work, but just wanted to assure you, you're totally fine, it's ok to feel like that - but you're young and shouldn't worry too much. As long as you can be happy with who you are, finding a nice fellow shouldn't be too hard to come by .
uglie_mq Posted February 16, 2013 Posted February 16, 2013 Im turning 22 and have the situation as you do lol I always attract the wrong man:lmao:
hppr Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 You're normal, just be open to meeting guys in college, go to parties, have fun, it'll happen naturally. My only advice is that, if you want to get married and have kids, don't wait until you're 30 to do it. It's a big mistake.
baRx Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 I'm a college girl who's just turned 20 and I feel anxious that I'll never find "the one" or at the very least a guy who will treat me well. Throughout my young adulthood, I've fallen in love maybe twice. The first time was with a boyfriend who was quite immature and in the end wasn't even trying for me anymore. The second time was with a guy who claims he "almost" dated me, but then continued to hang out with me, open up with me, have sex with me, etc. Since I was in love I tried to rationalize it, but even now as I try to get over him, I can see that he wasn't treating me right. I'm a smart, nice, pretty girl. I'm not trying to brag but just trying to make a point that I don't understand why I haven't had a GOOD relationship - one filled with fun, mutual feelings of love and care, support, etc. I have attracted a few guys possibly interested in dating me, but I'm not attracted to them, physically or emotionally. I simply don't feel that strong chemistry with them that I've felt with my past two guys. I don't know if it's because they seem too 'meek' or mild to me, not spontaneous enough, etc. Turning 20 made me panic a bit. I'm officially in my 20's, which is supposed to be the best time of your life. But here I am single as ever, feeling bored and restless, and anxious to simply fall deeply in love with someone. I want to feel that bare emotion with someone, and have them feel it back for me. I guess that sounds selfish, but I'm just worried as to why it hasn't happened for me yet. I've had my first kiss, had sex, etc., but I've never had a loving relationship with a guy. I just feel like I'm wasting my youth or something. All I really do nowadays is go to class, study, hang out with my friends. My friends don't really party anymore so I've stopped going out and partying (I would like to keep going out but there's no one to go with). I just started volunteering at a shelter and am active in various clubs so don't say I'm not active in school enough...but yeah. There is one guy I'm somewhat interested in. I can actually really see myself dating him and liking him but I don't think he has as much interest in me. :/ I just want somebody to love ha. I completely understand the feeling. I'm 26 years old and I've never even had a "relationship" at all. Back when i was 15, I had my first "girlfriend" but she was long distance, and it really only lasted less than a year before we "broke up" because she couldn't handle the distance. We never even met in person. Just talked on the phone and video chatted and whatnot. After that, at 16, I met a girl randomly and we hooked up. My friends pressured me to ask her out the day after I met her, so on the fly I asked her to be my gf and she said yes. It was weird, but that's how teenage "relationships" happen sometimes. That lasted about 2 weeks before we "broke up" because she was going away for the summer. I don't even consider it a relationship as we never did anything a gf and a bf would do, we just hung out here and there, partied, slept together a couple of times, and that was it. After she came back from going away, we hooked up a few times, but never "officially" got back together, and that was that. After that, it took a year before I found myself another "girlfriend" - which only lasted a month because I wasn't attracted to her, and she was extremely immature. I was 17. That's almost 10 years ago! Since then, it's been nothing. Just BS one night stands once a year or so, which only started in 2010. So from 2004-2010 I was completely dry of almost all female contact. I've been on a dry spell now since August 2011 (which actually, I don't even count as it was only a few minutes - in the back of a bar or something) - so before that, it was July 2010 since the last time I even had intercourse. Nevermind a relationship. It's gotten to the point where I don't even know what that is. Anyway, I dragged off a bit ... point is, For a long time, I felt like I wasted my youth, too. None of my friends have ever known me to have a girlfriend, my family either. I literally sat on my ass the whole time waiting for someone to show interest in me, and it never really came. (that, and when it did, I was completely oblivious) At this point in my life, I don't even have any girls in my phone! I don't have any girl "friends", nor any "potential prospects" -- absolutely nothing. I've been going out to bars, trying to be social, put myself out there a little bit -- but it never comes. (not that I'm looking for a good relationship in a bar or anything.. just something to keep me occupied I guess) There are times when I feel like I'm going to be one of those losers who's 40 at the bar hitting on the 20-something bartenders, lol. Maybe if I had gone to college, things would be different -- but if I know myself, I doubt it. But regarding you, you're only 20. In the next 5 years your life is going to change so much. You're going to meet tons of people and you never know what will happen! I know it's tough and it sounds stupid, but you have to "keep on keepin' on" and you'll see things change. I'd KILL to go back to 20 years old and change that part of my life. Just because it didn't pan out for me, I'm certain it'll pan out for you. You have the advantage here. You're a woman. There will ALWAYS be guys into you. ALWAYS. As guys, we don't have that luxury. Unless we're a celebrity or look like one. If we're average, it's not the same. Trust me, don't panic. You're only 20. You have your whole life ahead of you...
dj572 Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 Don't panic. I didn't have my first relationship until I was 24. Up until that point I had only 2 dates ever. I never had a girlfriend in high school either. Even though that relationship ended 10 years later there was some very good times early on. Relax and enjoy your 20's to be honest knowing what I know now I would have waited even longer. I think so many people rush into a marriage at an early age and they have not even figured themselves out yet. I know people mature at different rate but I think too many rush it.My ex was 20 when we met and she changed a lot by the time she was 30 and she didn't want to be with me anymore. I have seen so many men and women that don't really figure it out until they are in their 30's. Relax and enjoy being young you have plenty of time.
Nyla Posted February 25, 2013 Posted February 25, 2013 You're normal, just be open to meeting guys in college, go to parties, have fun, it'll happen naturally. My only advice is that, if you want to get married and have kids, don't wait until you're 30 to do it. It's a big mistake. The bolded part is not true at all. Experts say that an adult should be as close to 30 as possible for a marriage to be successful. The part of your brain which makes decisions is not even fully developed until age 25. By age 30, most people have gained the maturity and life experience to go into a marriage with their eyes open. OP, you are only 20 years old! You have your whole life ahead of you and plenty of time to meet the right partner. 20 is far too young to be worrying about not finding "someone to love" or having "a successful relationship". At your age, you are still growing up and finding out who you are. Don't place your self-worth into finding a relationship or you could end up desperately tolerating nonsense from the wrong men. 1
allenpo123 Posted March 9, 2013 Posted March 9, 2013 GEEEZ you're only 20. You've got like a whole bunch of time to figure things out.
Dragonfruit Posted March 9, 2013 Posted March 9, 2013 It is a numbers game. Only a small percentage of the guys you meet will be a decent match both ways and have that possibility to lead to something more. So, if you want boyfriends, you need to get yourself out there and meet lots of guys. Do not leave the house without being cute. Join a dating site. Join things at school where you are with others, if you get a part time job, try for one that has lots of other college kids working there. Be social. Another great way to meet guys is through other girls. And then, as it sounds you have already learned, watch what you will accept. If you want a boyfriend, let him be that before sex, not the other way around, etc. That weeds out the ones who aren't at least serious about dating and getting something real going with you. Thems my two coppers. Good luck! 1
hppr Posted March 9, 2013 Posted March 9, 2013 It is a numbers game. Only a small percentage of the guys you meet will be a decent match both ways and have that possibility to lead to something more. So, if you want boyfriends, you need to get yourself out there and meet lots of guys. Do not leave the house without being cute. Join a dating site. Join things at school where you are with others, if you get a part time job, try for one that has lots of other college kids working there. Be social. Another great way to meet guys is through other girls. And then, as it sounds you have already learned, watch what you will accept. If you want a boyfriend, let him be that before sex, not the other way around, etc. That weeds out the ones who aren't at least serious about dating and getting something real going with you. Thems my two coppers. Good luck! HUGE +1 Absolute dynamite advice. 1
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