Bg0912 Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 I dated a girl for a year and a half. In that time I broke up with her several times and every time she would take me back. I even started seeing a girl during one of them briefly. I was an active alcholic during all the time we dated. I got sober Feb 2012 and broke up with her in July because I felt I needed to do it alone. I needed to complete my year sober. The change that has come is due to me not being with anyone. I never told her that we wouldn't get back together but I told her I didn't know if it would be this feb 2013, march, April or 2 years from now. She says that pushed her away and she felt she had to move on. We kept contact and still do to this day. She started talking to a guy in October then they didn't in November then around Christmas they started again. I had been feeling I wanted to get back with her before October but never told her. I did however tell her after she told me about this guy and I know exactly how that looks. We started talking and hanging out more she even spent Christmas with me. But during this time she would see him sporadically. I finally told her early january I couldn't keep doing this while she was seeing someone else. Neither of us took it well and she went right back to calling me almost daily. This past Friday was not my finest as I told her something has to change. But we have still at least had some contact daily. Twice I initiated and once she did. She says she doesn't know what she wants right now. She doesn't view him as long term (he's 29 with no job living with his grandmother, doesn't want kids/marriage, might want to get deployed again, doesnt want to meet her family, doesn't like labels, and as of 2 weeks ago when I knew more they would go days without talking). She says I am long term but wants me to prove I want to be with her (in 2 days I will be back on the market, up until this point I was not entertaining anything). She even told her best friend if this is the guy I really am that she wants to spend her life with me. She told me she trusts me as a friend but not in a relationship right now. She even said when she's ready to date me she will let me know and that i will get a chance to take her on a date. She wants me not to run or give up when things aren't going my way...that I can stick with something. She says her and the guy have good conversations and he's attractive but the deeper you dig the more you find to not like. They knew each other in high school and she had a crush on him. I have been stressing her out and pressuring her. I have backed off of that. After Friday she's been kind of cold. Although she text me to see if I could give her ride after she had been out drinking Saturday but one her friends was able to. She says everything is still there between us and up until Friday when I made her mad she said we were best friends. What I have reasoned is that her and that guy are a no strings attached fun relationship with no pressure (although she has said she isn't actively looking for anything and considers herself single). That when I have proved myself by not seeing other people she will be ready...most think it happens sometime this month but I think she makes me wait longer. I think she wants to see where it goes with the new guy because "he hasn't done anything wrong yet". I'm pretty sure that they won't go anywhere but that little bit of doubt in my head worries me, plus im a negative person. She still gets jealous if other girls try and flirt with me, still cuddles if I go over, and will hold hands. She initiates most of this, until I out an end to it. She says she knows it seems like she's leading me on but she's not. I'm single and if I want to date I can, she knows that. She is always honest with me so I'm not sure why I wrote all this if she said I will get my opportunity. Anyway what is everones thoughts?
Droplet Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 I say trust her actions, not her words. Her actions are saying that you are a backup plan in case it doesn't work out with the other guy, if even that...and who can blame her really ? You dumped her several times, you kept pressuring her instead of focusing on being fun and charming around her etc... If you want her back, then you need to back off, to tell her simply that you want to give your relationship a try ( though any girl with high self esteem would tell you to get lost after getting dumped several times ) but that if she isn't interested that's okay, to give you a call if she changes her mind but that you need to move on, and actually date other girls. I know that it sounds romantic because of movies etc but a guy who waits around for a girl to make up her mind is not attractive at all and has "doormat" written all over.
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