eve86 Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 For the past 3 months I have had a FWB. I don't really know how it turned into that kind of relationship. At first I thought we hit it off, hoping it could become something. I guess after some time, I just didn't get my hopes up and it turned into what it was. Last time we were together was a couple weeks ago which is when he told me that it would probably be the last time because he might start seeing someone soon. I'm not going to lie, those words stung when I heard them. I haven't talked to him since, we parted respectfully and mature. This was actually a second occurrence, about a month ago he said we probably shouldn't hang out anymore and then a week later we were back at it because whoever he was talking to, it didn't work out for whatever reason. I guess I am trying to rationalize the situation. I'm not going to say he is wrong because I'm an adult and I knew the situation I was getting myself into. I think pride and self esteem took a major hit with this. The dreaded facebook confirmed the official status of him and his new lady. I am starting to believe that maybe there isn't someone out there for me. I have had a rough year, ex and I took a break he got someone else pregnant (when he never wanted kids), various guys have flaked out one me and naturally I begin to believe maybe it's me. This is the third time a guy I have been interested in, who has shown the same level interest back, has decided on another girl instead of me, so you can see where my dilemma comes into play. But not all relationships were the FWB just this last one. I don't want to be stuck obsessing over something I cannot change. It's not the person, more of the repetitive nature from the opposite sex. Perhaps I need to make a change or maybe I'm picking the wrong guys or whatever other reason from the list of things that make things happen. I know that being single isn't the worst thing in the world. I would like to know how other people have handled similar situations and looking for fruitful advice. Thanks
carhill Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 In the last year, what was the longest period of continuous abstinence from romantic/sexual relations for yourself? This would include abstaining from sex, declining date requests, not pursuing crushes, etc. You say 'being single isn't the worst thing in the world'. Is there another way to say that?
Drseussgrrl Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 I'm single (yes I date) and honestly having the time of my life - couldn't be happier. This is making me question just how "cut out" for relationships I am. I think when you stop becoming attached to the outcome of something and just live your life in a way that makes YOU happy, naturally you'll attract people into your life who want to be part of it, be it friends or romantic interests. I've said this before but I'm at my most attractive when I'm just going about my life not trying to please a man and doing what makes me happy. Taking care of myself, working out, eating right - when I'm doing all of these things and I'm happy with just myself, I think it shows. Eventually, someone will come along and want to be part of it all with me. But I'm not really concerned about it anymore. What are you doing for yourself? Are you in love with your life?
Author eve86 Posted February 4, 2013 Author Posted February 4, 2013 Probably 4 months....my ex and I maintained communication until March or so of last year. I pursued other interests from about May of last year until just recently. Being single isn't fun but it's not a death sentence either.
Author eve86 Posted February 4, 2013 Author Posted February 4, 2013 I have recently started that regimen...getting my career in order, working out, doing different things, meeting new people. I think that's where I have the biggest issue, being stuck in one way of life. I know that things aren't going to happen for me I have to make them happen and I really want to move out of this rut where I feel like someone could make me happy instead of wanting that for myself.
Drseussgrrl Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 You'll notice when you can become self-centered and concentrate on what's good for you, these ambiguous FWB situations won't seem so appealing because it's not taking care of YOU. 1
xpaperxcutx Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 (edited) If you want to take care of yourself, you need to know what your needs are and learn how to address them properly. Certainly, placing yourself in an FWB situation isn't the way to go. I understand your pride and self-esteem took a hit therefore, you need to give yourself a little time to rebuild them. That means that instead, of looking for other people to make you happy, you need to find ways where you are just content being by yourself. Find hobbies: go biking, do aerobics, do whatever that will help you pass time and not worry that there isn't a guy in your life. Right now, it's about you. Not about meaningless sex and waiting for a guy who doesn't have you in his heart. More importantly, learn to be more self-assertive. Know what you want and ask for it without being afraid. If you want a relationship with someone don't sleep with them without expectations. That's making it okay for guys to use you and then leave you when they find a girl they want to date. It's also not about being a prude because you are protecting yourself from random jerks who like to come and go when they please. Again though, I would like to emphasize that it's important that you learn to love and cherish yourself first before you go and cherish another. Nobody is more responsible for your own well-being than yourself. I would also like to add, it's necessary you work on changing your mindset. Dating is not complicated if you draw a clear line on what's actually " dating" and what's actually " randomly seeing someone". If you want to date happily, try to view dating as the time period wherein the guy actually comes out and asks you to be his girlfriend. Everything else is moot. That will save you alot of headaches. Edited February 4, 2013 by xpaperxcutx 2
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