ImperfectionisBeauty Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 I have been talking to this guy for like a few days and of course I have no self control so I'm really excited about him, he seems legit. He hasn't tried to talk sexy to me or ask me for pics, we just talk about random stuff and he just laughs and laughs and we have talked on the phone (he has a super cute voice) and he talks about how much he likes me so far (not in a weird way just in a "you seem interesting lets see where this goes" way) I didn't want to post about him until we went out and I decided if I liked him or not but I feel like so far all is going good! I'm scared though because I don't want to like him because if I do and he turns out to be a douche then I will be devastated, I'm also afraid because this can't be real you know? Like something bad has to happen because everything that could go wrong in my life always does. I know I haven't been to therapy in a month or so, so he can't be real because I have issues and that means it can't work out. Does that make sense? I just feel like I need NEED this to work, I am about a week from being the only single friend I have. Which is ok I guess but a bummer still and I just don't really want that. I do want to take everything super slow though because I just have a good feeling about this! I'm sooo scared!! 2
ls32ssibm Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 Unless you chill out you'll run the risk of blowing it. Playing it cool can only help.
Maneater Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 Take your advice that's on your avatar pic 1
Talak7 Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 It sounds like you're setting yourself up or eventual disappointment. When you so desperately want things to work sometimes we put on rosy glasses and get into things with people not a good fit over time. Just be cool and open and interested but my overly critical. It'll be fine
Ninjainpajamas Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 Take your advice that's on your avatar pic Personally I prefer to keep sparkle and calm... 3
Casablanca Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 It sounds like you're setting yourself up or eventual disappointment. Isn't that how the majority of dating and relationships end up? Nothing wrong with being excited, it is a great feeling, just enjoy that you can still get excited over a nice guy. Just don't bog him down with constant contact, don't rush it and let it grow naturally. But there is nothing wrong with having a little extra bounce in your step or a little bit bigger grin because of this Good luck
candie13 Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 I either get my mind busy or put myself in situations where I'd get the attention of other men - night out with the girls, right before my date. it calms me down and puts things into perspective. it's all about controlling my emotions, in my case.
Eternal Sunshine Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 Just enjoy it. I would give anything to be able to feel that way about someone again. 1
candie13 Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 Just enjoy it. I would give anything to be able to feel that way about someone again. I appreciate you, girl, but I strongly disagree! We make the biggest mistakes when we aren't paying any attention. All guys seem nice at first. All of them. And it's normal, they like you and want to make a good first impression. "There is no greater blind person that he who only sees what he wants to see." Keep your eyes open, guards up and look at all the signals, look at how he is, not at how he can be what you want him to be or at how he wants you to think he is. Most of the times, we have all the answers in front of us, but we choose not to see them. I don't mean to not enjoy your evening, but it is very dangerous to expect to be swept off your feet. Players feel it and will take advantage of your vulnerability, need for romance, hopes / projections... the more obvious they are, the more you risk it. your game, my friend! 1
pbjbear Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 You havent come across any flaws yet and youre in the infatuation stage Most men take a few months to show their true colors... (and women too, but I dunno because I aint a lesbian!) I wait until at least 2 months to be truly excited
clia Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 You are offloading way too much of your happiness onto a guy you have never even met. You will be "devastated" if this doesn't work out? Come on! For you, I would highly recommend that you continue to talk to other men that look interesting and are contacting you on your online dating sites. Talk to them, go on dates with them, etc. Not everyone can or wants to multi-date, but given how infatuated you seem to get so quickly about complete strangers, I think it would be helpful for you to not be so focused on one guy, and instead have a few guys going in your rotation to try to even out your craziness. I do hope it works out for you, but don't worry so much if it doesn't -- there are plenty of fish in the sea and another will come along soon. 2
sweetkiwi Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 The moment you pour all your hopes and dreams onto another human is the moment it fails. He's not perfect. He will have flaws. You need to seriously focus on bettering yourself before you start thinking of having ANY KIND of real relationship. 4
Drseussgrrl Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 "I just feel like I need NEED this to work, I am about a week from being the only single friend I have." You NEED to let this attitude go before you'll ever have any success with men. Girl, guys can smell your desperation a mile away. And the wrong ones will take advantage of it. 3
sweetkiwi Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 Yesss!!! IB don't forget we are very close in age. I learned this lesson a long time ago. You need to be okay being single. Desperation makes every single person on earth appear gross and....desperate. So unattractive. You really need to read the book The Art of Seduction. Seriously. It's a must read for all human beings at this time. 1
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted February 5, 2013 Author Posted February 5, 2013 "I just feel like I need NEED this to work, I am about a week from being the only single friend I have." You NEED to let this attitude go before you'll ever have any success with men. Girl, guys can smell your desperation a mile away. And the wrong ones will take advantage of it. I don't want to get excited or put everything into him you know? I totally understand what you're saying he seems nice so far, I mean can I still go out with him and get to know him? I don't know if things will work because we haven't even met yet we just text and talk on the phone.. But I'm hopefully, but I won't rush and I will go back to therapy, that's good right? As much as I don't want to be rushing and get excited I just don't want to be the only single friend you know? The third wheel, I want to have my own stories to tell. I feel like my friends are gonna start to think I'm a lesbian soon because I never talk about guys. Everyone keeps asking me "so are there any special guys in your life?" And I just say no because I had a bad break up over the summer, but I can only use that excuse for so long you know? People are gonna start to wonder if I'm a) a lesbian or b) just pathetic and can't get a guy and I might be the second one but I'm not the first lol. He seems cool so far, I won't rush anything and ill read that Art of Seduction book. I didn't date in HS so I'm super behind now I had my first real "relationship" this summer and it wasn't FB official or anything, so I feel like I'm really failing in the dating game. I certainly can't continue going in this direction or ill be team single forever! Always a bridesmaid never a bride :/ But I guess I can be ok being single (hopefully not for forever) I mean I have done it all this time.
normal person Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 As much as I don't want to be rushing and get excited I just don't want to be the only single friend you know? The third wheel, I want to have my own stories to tell. I feel like my friends are gonna start to think I'm a lesbian soon because I never talk about guys. Everyone keeps asking me "so are there any special guys in your life?" And I just say no because I had a bad break up over the summer, but I can only use that excuse for so long you know? The title of this thread should be "How can I avoid getting super excited about possibly not being the only single friend?" If you haven't already, why don't you take an interest in the guy himself rather than what he might represent for you? Otherwise, it sounds like you're just using him.
pteromom Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 I'm scared though because I don't want to like him because if I do and he turns out to be a douche then I will be devastated, I'm also afraid because this can't be real you know? Like something bad has to happen because everything that could go wrong in my life always does. You seem to have a REAL hard time living in the present. You worry about the future of this relationship. You worry about having babies. You worry about what may go wrong. You need to start trying to live in this moment instead of worrying about all the "what-ifs". Go out with this guy. Know that if he's a douche, you'll walk away. Know that it is possible he WON'T be a douche. Know that you'll deal with whatever comes next, whether it is good or bad. Ground yourself in the present. Look around you. Breathe and feel your breath going in-out-in-out. Pay attention to the sounds, smells, sights around you. Your space within this moment is the ONLY thing you have control over. Let the rest of it go. Know that in each moment, you will make the decisions for yourself that have the greatest odds of leading to the life you want. And seriously - let go of the "what ifs" that are out of your control. You have no control over whether this guy is a douche. All you can do is react appropriately if he is. 1
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted February 5, 2013 Author Posted February 5, 2013 The title of this thread should be "How can I avoid getting super excited about possibly not being the only single friend?" If you haven't already, why don't you take an interest in the guy himself rather than what he might represent for you? Otherwise, it sounds like you're just using him. I know it seems that way but I am honestly interested in him, he is so nice to me and he isn't trying to be super sexual (sex or anything slightly sexualhasnt come up at all) we just joke and laugh about class and his job and we both like country music lol. He likes tattoos but has one only and he hates it and he isn't a bar fly he hates bars so I decided our first meet is gonna be at a gas station that has a food place inside lol because they have good frapechinos (?) and idk he just seems nice. Like I said though I am working hard to not be super super overly in like with him lol I made that mistake with my ex and I ran him off because I only cared about hanging out with him ALL THE TIME lol I'm gonna play it cool this time, I don't text him everyday, when he texts sometimes I take a long time to text back, and I'm gonna play it cool
clia Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 I know it seems that way but I am honestly interested in him, he is so nice to me and he isn't trying to be super sexual (sex or anything slightly sexualhasnt come up at all) we just joke and laugh about class and his job and we both like country music lol. He likes tattoos but has one only and he hates it and he isn't a bar fly he hates bars so I decided our first meet is gonna be at a gas station that has a food place inside lol because they have good frapechinos (?) and idk he just seems nice. Like I said though I am working hard to not be super super overly in like with him lol I made that mistake with my ex and I ran him off because I only cared about hanging out with him ALL THE TIME lol I'm gonna play it cool this time, I don't text him everyday, when he texts sometimes I take a long time to text back, and I'm gonna play it cool You want to meet him at a gas station? WTF? Anyway...any plans to meet in person?
Drseussgrrl Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 Honey - you haven't even met this guy yet?? And you're meeting at a gas station?
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted February 5, 2013 Author Posted February 5, 2013 Honey - you haven't even met this guy yet?? And you're meeting at a gas station? Lol it's on campus, its called Sheetz... Idk if you have heard of it but its nice and I suggested it. You can order food and sit down and eat inside hahaha I know it sounds classless but I like the idea and its cute and very collegey. We are going to meet either this weekend or next depending on our schedules.
Drseussgrrl Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 It's not really the gas station I'm concerned the most about. It's the fact that you haven't even met this dude yet and you're already worried it's not going to work out. Girl slow your roll!!! 1
candie13 Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 one thing: GIRLS NIGHT OUT. Lots of cocktails. Get telephone numbers... if that won't boost your confidence, I don't know what will! 1
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