Navajo46 Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 I just want to know if it is normal to want contact after you have been screwed over so bad and not want them back? I know what people are going to say, you probably want her back... but I really don't... its now been about 2.5 months and I have realized that I am better off, but have always been a sentimental guy and do miss the times that we had. I don't know what purpose it would serve other than to make me feel like I meant something ya know. I realize that people can lose their feeling etc... it has happened to me before, but the way things ended was slimy and so quick. There was another guy involved... married with kids at that. But we had a lot of good times over 6 years. I have slowly been healing and am better than I was a month ago for sure, but can't help but want her to contact me telling me that she feels bad about how things ended. Reality is that she probably doesn't even feel that way. Do they ever. Again, not about getting back together cause I would never take her back. I know it shouldn't matter but it does to me. I have fought sending her any kind of communication... which I haven't and never will. I don't know man... I am moving on, but am having trouble with the way things ended. Told her not to contact me and that I could NEVER be friends. I am trying to be happy for her and me.
flitzanu Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 I just want to know if it is normal to want contact after you have been screwed over so bad and not want them back? I know what people are going to say, you probably want her back... but I really don't... its now been about 2.5 months and I have realized that I am better off, but have always been a sentimental guy and do miss the times that we had. I don't know what purpose it would serve other than to make me feel like I meant something ya know. I realize that people can lose their feeling etc... it has happened to me before, but the way things ended was slimy and so quick. There was another guy involved... married with kids at that. But we had a lot of good times over 6 years. I have slowly been healing and am better than I was a month ago for sure, but can't help but want her to contact me telling me that she feels bad about how things ended. Reality is that she probably doesn't even feel that way. Do they ever. Again, not about getting back together cause I would never take her back. I know it shouldn't matter but it does to me. I have fought sending her any kind of communication... which I haven't and never will. I don't know man... I am moving on, but am having trouble with the way things ended. Told her not to contact me and that I could NEVER be friends. I am trying to be happy for her and me. if you are "over it" and don't care, would you be asking for advice? by simply asking...it kinda indicates you already know it's a bad idea. by staying in contact with her because of the "good times" you're just trying to hold onto a memory that is no longer there. she left you for another guy, why do you need to be friends with her after that?
xpaperxcutx Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 Personal experience, I broke up with my boyfriend because we have our differences and we fought really bad at times, yet we have never resorted to cheating on each other. We were above that. Yet, we chose to remain friends because we still love each other, yet we keep contact at a minimum. As for you, your need for contact stems from your love for a woman who cheated. That kind of hurt will always stick with you and you're only going to be punishing yourself and denying yourself any future relationships in the process. If you want to seek out a healthier relationship, you have to learn to heal. If you are not happy, admit that you are not happy and find someone to talk to about your feelings. They need to be let out rather than held inside. It's going to take time to let her go, and in due process, forgive her. It has to be in that order.
Author Navajo46 Posted February 4, 2013 Author Posted February 4, 2013 if you are "over it" and don't care, would you be asking for advice? by simply asking...it kinda indicates you already know it's a bad idea. by staying in contact with her because of the "good times" you're just trying to hold onto a memory that is no longer there. she left you for another guy, why do you need to be friends with her after that? Thats the dilemma for me though. I'm not over it. I'm over the relationship, but not over having that person in my life in some way if that makes sense. We were more friends than anything by the end. The more time i have had to think the more i realized that I wanted to end things many times and she wasnt right for me. That doesnt cancel out the interaction that we had for 6 years, i still dont think that she is a bad person, but very immature and until she grows up will never the true value of a real relationship. She did me wrong thats for sure. My purpose here was not to know if i should stay in touch or contact her but if it was normal to want them to contact you just to give you some indication that they appreciated you. I know that she didnt during the relationship, but do they ever see that? I know it is something that you just have to get over, but this is the last thing that is keeping me from moving on completely for some reason.
Author Navajo46 Posted February 4, 2013 Author Posted February 4, 2013 Personal experience, I broke up with my boyfriend because we have our differences and we fought really bad at times, yet we have never resorted to cheating on each other. We were above that. Yet, we chose to remain friends because we still love each other, yet we keep contact at a minimum. As for you, your need for contact stems from your love for a woman who cheated. That kind of hurt will always stick with you and you're only going to be punishing yourself and denying yourself any future relationships in the process. If you want to seek out a healthier relationship, you have to learn to heal. If you are not happy, admit that you are not happy and find someone to talk to about your feelings. They need to be let out rather than held inside. It's going to take time to let her go, and in due process, forgive her. It has to be in that order. Thanks for the response. I am trying to forgive her because i dont think she is a bad person as indicated in my previous response. She is a damaged girl that doesnt know how to communicate. She did what she did and i could never take her back for it. I guess i am having problems letting someone out of my life completely that meant so much tome for so long. I have let go of the desire to be back with her romantically but for some reason not the desire to be friends with her. I have honestly never been through even close to this long of a relationship so dont know whats normal and what isnt. In the past i have had no problem shutting someone out of my life.
flitzanu Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 Thats the dilemma for me though. I'm not over it. I'm over the relationship, but not over having that person in my life in some way if that makes sense. We were more friends than anything by the end. The more time i have had to think the more i realized that I wanted to end things many times and she wasnt right for me. That doesnt cancel out the interaction that we had for 6 years, i still dont think that she is a bad person, but very immature and until she grows up will never the true value of a real relationship. She did me wrong thats for sure. My purpose here was not to know if i should stay in touch or contact her but if it was normal to want them to contact you just to give you some indication that they appreciated you. I know that she didnt during the relationship, but do they ever see that? I know it is something that you just have to get over, but this is the last thing that is keeping me from moving on completely for some reason. normal to want them to contact you and validate that what you had in the past was real? absolutely that's normal to want that. it's not going to happen, but yes, certainly normal to want it. i can only say, i had one young ex gf contact me ten years after a breakup to let me know that she does realize as she matured that the things she thought so horrible of me were never as bad as she believed. it was as close to an apology and validation as i've ever gotten from someone. that's very rare though. most people don't allow their pride to falter and even say those types of things.
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