Guy I'm dating keeps talking about hot girls with me?

February 4, 2013

Who says you're locked into having sex with him "after 3"? It's your body, your emotions and you can have sex whenever you damn well feel ready to.

And let's be real here - you sound anything but ready to have sex with a sleezeball who can't stop talking about other women when he's out with YOU.

February 4, 2013

Sorry friend, I misunderstood your comment; I thought you were a man who was saying 'why make him wait'. Completely misunderstood you.
Yes exactly, I regret it now because I don't feel ready to sleep with this man but I promised him 'after 3' and he keeps telling me how excited he is for after the 3rd date. If I ask him to wait more he will get annoyed that I broke my promise. Normally i wouldnt care but the thing is there are signs that he does want me for more than sex. Nevertheless I have got myself into a bad situation about the 'sex after 3' Wish I didn't say that, I wish I said to him 'sex only when I'm ready'. :-/

Back out now.

He is disrespectful and wasting your time.

You are not looking for the same thing.

February 4, 2013

That's not cool at all. My ex was like that it just makes you feel like **** and like you aren't good enough.. Dump him

February 4, 2013

Sorry friend, I misunderstood your comment; I thought you were a man who was saying 'why make him wait'. Completely misunderstood you.
Yes exactly, I regret it now because I don't feel ready to sleep with this man but I promised him 'after 3' and he keeps telling me how excited he is for after the 3rd date. If I ask him to wait more he will get annoyed that I broke my promise. Normally i wouldnt care but the thing is there are signs that he does want me for more than sex. Nevertheless I have got myself into a bad situation about the 'sex after 3' Wish I didn't say that, I wish I said to him 'sex only when I'm ready'. :-/

As a man, I say that you have every right to change your mind.

If he gets annoyed, he's an ass.

February 4, 2013

Why would you give a guy a timeline for sex?

Where has the last couple of dates been since then?

Don't be surprised when he is gone by date six.

I concur... This reminds me of that film with Mila Kunis and Justin Timberlake (Friends With Benefits). Before she met 'Dylan' (Justin), she thought she had found a great guy, wanted to take it "slow" and also gave him a timeline of 5 dates before sex. He was gone after date 5 sex... (Draw your own conclusions with this similarity.)

Now in OP's case he's still not gone because he has figured he can easily get more sex with her without putting any serious effort. He managed that already actually.

Also, talking constantly about hot girls? He's doing you a favour and showing you his true colours early on. Why do you ignore all these red flags!? Other women would have taken flight already.

Edited February 4, 2013 by silvermercy

February 5, 2013

He's not trying to impress you at all OP. He is already taking you for granted. Right now you are "money in the bank". You should probably ditch this guy.

February 5, 2013

Maybe because you slept with him or because you let him get away with it. He likes telling you about hot girls.

Next time he rings you explain to him:

I met some really hot guys on line, and I'm going to see what they are like instead. I know you understand!

February 5, 2013

Then it will disappoint you to know that is not the case for the majority of women.

Hell, the OP did just that. Didn't even know the guy that well but had sex with him after date #3.

After all, the number of single females with 2-3 children should say something. Finding an actual single woman with no children or just 1 that is well-taken care of is insanely rare.

Umm...alot of those women had children with men that abandoned them. I know very few women of the type youre specifying. Do you mean single women with 2 children from different men? I only know a handful and I used to work at Planned Parenthood

Its not that rare actually you must have high standards or something

Edited February 5, 2013 by pbjbear

February 5, 2013

Yes exactly, I regret it now because I don't feel ready to sleep with this man but I promised him 'after 3' and he keeps telling me how excited he is for after the 3rd date. If I ask him to wait more he will get annoyed that I broke my promise. Normally i wouldnt care but the thing is there are signs that he does want me for more than sex. Nevertheless I have got myself into a bad situation about the 'sex after 3' Wish I didn't say that, I wish I said to him 'sex only when I'm ready'. :-/

This is weak. Why on earth would you care that some loser with no manners maybe 'wants you for more than sex'? Don't you have any pride? Do you really have to date men who treat you like this from day one? What kind of guys do you meet usually?

As for caring whether he gets annoyed... that's just

February 5, 2013

You r to easy. Already sex?nit even his gf jet?he see you as a f buddy. And doesn't take you serious.one part is your own fault other part he is rude.

February 5, 2013

That's not cool at all. My ex was like that it just makes you feel like **** and like you aren't good enough.. Dump him

Yea I was sitting there opposite him feeling awful when he was going on and on about these 'out-of-this-world' stunning girls. It's a pretty horrible feeling to have, and I hope I never get that from anyone again. I'll date carefully next time.

February 5, 2013

There is something I should mention here. So after the 3rd date (which was 3 weeks ago) when I did mention to him (over text) my thoughts about him only wanting me for sex (there were many signs at that time so I asked him about it), we got into a little argument, this was all over text. These are some of his texts:

This one was the first response he gave when I told him my assumption.

"Hey Laura. I haven't been looking for a sex partner and I haven't been playing some tactical game towards that end. Equally however I do not want to jump into a relationship. My last relationship was unpleasant and violent and whoever is next will be someone I am very confident about. In my opinion sex is an important part of a growing relationship, and I was flirting with you today with that in mind. If you are uncomfortable with that then that's fine, I do respect you and I have no interest in pushing you to something you don't want to do."

I still wasn't convinced after this text because there were a lot of signs and actions speak louder than words, so we discussed, or rather, argued about it a bit more, and after a couple more texts he sent me this:

"Well I've had a think about this and I think you've misinterpreted the fact I am very laid back for not being interested in you as a person. For me it didn't need to be said that I wasn't using you, and in general I was looking to get to know somebody slowly and see where it went - not to formally establish exactly what was happening at every stage - and I can totally understand how you might be uncomfortable with that or how it would make you suspicious. For the record, no, I didn't want you just for sex. Frankly there would be much easier ways to satisfy that need without unnecessarily hurting somebody - that sort of selfishness is not a part of my character. But I think it's clear our personalities have clashed quite hard here and I think it would be best for us to walk away. I do think you are a good looking, intelligent and interesting girl, and if it's not me then you won't be waiting long to find the person you sync with."

After that I apologised for misinterpreting him; it seemed from his texts that he was a genuine person. The next day he sent me this:

"Hey Laura. I'm sorry I've kept you waiting, truth is I've been thinking about what to say/do since your last text and it's something I want to do right. I'm worried we may want different things: I'm just dipping my toe back into dating tbh so I'm gonna take everything very very slowly on the relationship front - whereas I sense you're ready for something serious. We got to sex quickly, but that's no bad thing. You made me comfortable enough around you and are beautiful enough that I certainly did want to tear your clothes of from about the end of our second meet up: I make no apologies for that! but I don't know that I can give you what you want. I should have handled your texts better: it was unlucky timing. But if you want one thing I like about you then the fact you had the confidence and sense of purpose to raise all this would be among them. I can't stand a push over."

Then I replied:

"That was a nice text, I like your frankness and thanks for the compliment at the end. Some of what you said makes sense but some of it I think you've also misinterpreted. I also didn't want to rush into anything serious with you, because I too need to get to know someone really well, for a couple of months atleast, before I can start a relationship with them and know that I'll be happy being their girlfriend. With my past boyfriends I've also started off with casual dating and then seen where things go from there. What I was worried about with you was that it seemed to me like you just wanted sex and nothing else at all, due to it being really soon that you took me to bed (which I couldn't resist either because you're gorgeous too lol) and due to me not getting vibes that you did like me as a person/ that you did want to do anything else with me like see a film which you'd briefly expressed interest in on our dinner date. I'm sorry I got the wrong end of the stick, this has taught me to properly get to know someone before forming conclusions about them."

And in reply to me he said:

"I'm attracted to you and I want to enjoy the passion so I wanted to have sex with you. I was ready, I felt you were too. But I would want to see you too. Sex is only done right if you're doing it with somebody you know or are getting to know. We probably shouldn't have had this discussion over text. I can't promise you it will all work with us, ofcourse, and I'm not going to want to have sex with you less, I'm going to want to have sex with you more. "

And that's when I suggested having 3 dates first. This discussion was 2 weeks ago and we've had 2 dates since. In the dates it seems like we are developing a friendship; he was telling me about a problem he is having at work and I was giving him advice on it, I told him about a similar problem that I was having at work too and we were talking about it. So you can see why I have mixed feelings about this; he might want more than sex. It's just hard to tell. :-/

The things he said in these texts, does it still make him seem like a guy who's only after sex?

Edited February 5, 2013 by Sweeetie

February 5, 2013

What part of anything he said makes you think he wants a relationship?

Forget the sex part - you can't be used for sex during consensual sex.

February 5, 2013

"Hey Laura. I haven't been looking for a sex partner and I haven't been playing some tactical game towards that end. Equally however I do not want to jump into a relationship. My last relationship was unpleasant and violent and whoever is next will be someone I am very confident about. In my opinion sex is an important part of a growing relationship, and I was flirting with you today with that in mind. If you are uncomfortable with that then that's fine, I do respect you and I have no interest in pushing you to something you don't want to do."

[....]

"Well I've had a think about this and I think you've misinterpreted the fact I am very laid back for not being interested in you as a person. For me it didn't need to be said that I wasn't using you, and in general I was looking to get to know somebody slowly and see where it went - not to formally establish exactly what was happening at every stage - and I can totally understand how you might be uncomfortable with that or how it would make you suspicious. For the record, no, I didn't want you just for sex. Frankly there would be much easier ways to satisfy that need without unnecessarily hurting somebody - that sort of selfishness is not a part of my character. But I think it's clear our personalities have clashed quite hard here and I think it would be best for us to walk away. I do think you are a good looking, intelligent and interesting girl, and if it's not me then you won't be waiting long to find the person you sync with."

[...]

"Hey Laura. I'm sorry I've kept you waiting, truth is I've been thinking about what to say/do since your last text and it's something I want to do right. I'm worried we may want different things: I'm just dipping my toe back into dating tbh so I'm gonna take everything very very slowly on the relationship front - whereas I sense you're ready for something serious. We got to sex quickly, but that's no bad thing. You made me comfortable enough around you and are beautiful enough that I certainly did want to tear your clothes of from about the end of our second meet up: I make no apologies for that! but I don't know that I can give you what you want. I should have handled your texts better: it was unlucky timing. But if you want one thing I like about you then the fact you had the confidence and sense of purpose to raise all this would be among them. I can't stand a push over."

[....]

The things he said in these texts, does it still make him seem like a guy who's only after sex?

Sure all along he puts barriers up as to why it wouldn't work. It is clear that he wants to be free from any kind of expectation from you. When a man wants more from you, he wants to know whether the two of you are on the same page because he is anxious. This guy doesn't give a toss.

He practically dumped you by the way, haven't you noticed (underlined)?

February 5, 2013

He practically dumped you by the way, haven't you noticed (underlined)?

That was during the argument 3 weeks ago, it all got resolved after that. He wanted to break up because he was angry at my minterpreting his intentions and for thinking he's a player, then when I said sorry and realised my mistakes it got resolved. But you're right in the rest of your message; absolutely right.

February 5, 2013

That was during the argument 3 weeks ago, it all got resolved after that. He wanted to break up because he was angry at my minterpreting his intentions.

He is manipulating you. A man who wants more will not get angry when you get anxious over your relationship status because you want more too. The fact that he reacted like that shows what a fine piece of work he is. This guy is playing you, he has worked you out and knows what to say or do.

February 5, 2013

for thinking he's a player, then when I said sorry and realised my mistakes it got resolved. But you're right in the rest of your message; absolutely right.

ok, good luck

February 5, 2013

2 things:

1- if you argue with someone after only THREE DATES, just move on.

2- he told you over and over that he does NOT want a relationship. No he is not explicitly saying he just wants sex, but girl...read between the lines!!! He does not want a relationship! If you are fine with FWB/fk buddy then go for it! But if you want more, ditch him!!!

February 5, 2013

Seems like a fairly mature way to handle the situation to me. I don't see how he's manipulating her. He's just being honest about what he wants, and he's recognized what she wants, and that they aren't on the same page.

Odds are he got frustrated that she was misinterpreting his actions/words when he seems to have been pretty up front about what he wants. It seems like she might be reading a bit too much into his actions this early on. He wants companionship, which means company and sex. That doesn't mean he just wants you for sex, but he certainly doesn't want to dive into a long-term relationship.

Edited February 5, 2013 by TheGuard13

February 5, 2013

Seems like a fairly mature way to handle the situation to me. I don't see how he's manipulating her. He's just being honest about what he wants, and he's recognized what she wants, and that they aren't on the same page.

I don't think he is manipulating her but she is ignoring his true intentions. It isn't about being led on but twisting it in a way to make it seem as if it is his fault.

February 5, 2013

I read your long post about the messages he sent you.

Another typical guy trying to pretend he doesnt just want sex.

He doesnt want a companion, he wants a **** buddy. Some men are not honest and have a very charming self-rationalizing way of trying to convince women to give him what he wants while making her seem like its a good idea at the same time. That is manipulation

He is not relationship material so I would move on if you havent.

When a guy is really into you he wont constantly be acting the way he does.

February 5, 2013

I don't think he is manipulating her but she is ignoring his true intentions. It isn't about being led on but twisting it in a way to make it seem as if it is his fault.

Seems like a fairly mature way to handle the situation to me. I don't see how he's manipulating her. He's just being honest about what he wants, and he's recognized what she wants, and that they aren't on the same page.

Odds are he got frustrated that she was misinterpreting his actions/words when he seems to have been pretty up front about what he wants. It seems like she might be reading a bit too much into his actions this early on. He wants companionship, which means company and sex. That doesn't mean he just wants you for sex, but he certainly doesn't want to dive into a long-term relationship.

Exactly companionship and sex ... A friends with benefits - point blank

February 5, 2013

Right.

He's been pretty open about that.

And if it develops into something else, then it does. He's not ready to take that step.

February 5, 2013

Right.

He's been pretty open about that.

And if it develops into something else, then it does. He's not ready to take that step.

Based on your posting history here you seem like youd be the type of guy to do this. You seem to think theres nothing wrong with double standards and manipulation

Wanting a companion and sex (that will progress to a relationship if things go well and the chemistry is there) is very different than friends with benefits. The intentions are different. They are not the same

February 5, 2013

Right.

He's been pretty open about that.

And if it develops into something else, then it does. He's not ready to take that step.

Yes but she is looking for the whole thing.

So she is wasting her time with someone who wants to pussy foot around.

It doesn't mean she should settle for this waiting since he isn't ready to take "that step".

Neither of them is wrong in this situation but just looking for two differenth things.

Since he is very open about his intentions but she seems to be ignoring them.

Besides the blatent disrespect of speaking of other women - all the other red flags are asinine truthfully for someone she wants a relationship with.

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